[Amphiptere]

I am feeling millions of miles away from okay.

I have no family as they have all passed away, and I am so damn introverted that even my best attempts to make friends has been pretty hopeless. I put my energy into trying to make myself a better person and to building a life for me and my former partner. I am completely gutted.

I have rung every friend I know, but they all have their own lives and their own issues, so I feel like I am stuck here staring at a reflection of my worst nightmare. I have been down this road before (divorce), and it was horrific enough when I wanted to let go because of the infidelity. This time it isn't even something I can hate my former partner for - he cannot cope with my GAD and MDD.

Now I struggle to find a way to heal while I pace, and panic, and watch all my dreams turn to ashes.

[winter4me]

Do you have a t.? It is someone to talk to at least. Also, to help you plan things to do that can help break the cycle, or at least break up things enough that you have a few good experiences to hang on to.
And, are there any activity/social oriented groups that don't require a lot of initial interaction (like a walking meet up group, a book discussion group, group trips to places (museums, sight-seeing, music...)---or even an open mic music or poetry night near you that you could get yourself to. A place you could just be around others and let the interactions build slowly... I recommend craft/art classes that are for anyone...if you can develop an interest and have something to play with that helps. I knit, write, sketch even though I can't draw, do collages...(and right now it is especially hard because I am in a situation with few resources or space---so I just try to keep myself knitting...(collages can be very therapeutic, and you never really know what it will turn out like in the end...you also learn things you didn't know about yourself)
Welcome to PC, you will find some friends here. [my pc access is limited right now & I miss being able to be here whenever I want....] Hang in there, keep talking. tell us more about yourself-------------------------
My parents, and sibling are dead. And others...divorced...
Do have an unexpected, wonderful grandkid---and both my adult (unexpected also when born) kids are doing well so I try to hang on to that thought----that knowledge---but even that goodness can be painful, I can't bring my problems there..........so, sometimes I don't visit because I know I am too down...

[Amphiptere]

I plan to go to the doctor tomorrow to see if I should get back into therapy.

I am an adult student, so I go to classes at the moment. Outside of that activity, I am struggling like hell with social anxiety, not to mention the rest of my mess, so it would be more stress than its worth (I think) to try and go to anything group-related.

I would like an arts class, maybe, but I am under a very tight budget now, so I doubt that will be possible. I will try to remember to make m own collage at some point. I do enjoy them.

As for me, I hate talking about myself. At the moment even thinking about focusing on who or what or how I am makes my chest tighten up and I have to work to breathe at all. Sorry.