[nyule]

Re: Needing Words of Wisdom: in a relationship where the significant other has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

After I read my initial post, I realized it would probably help if those reading it knew more specifics: We've lived together for almost 2 years, love eachother incredibly, and plan on getting married. However, when I come home, I never know whether or not she will run and embrace me, or ignore me (no eye eyecontact, distant). Her moods are intense and sometimes hostile. The next day or the same day, she is beautiful, loving, affectionate. She hides stress, then snaps when she can no longer handle her anxiety. she takes offense to my concern. In her anger/hurt...she sees me as selfish, inconsiderate, "you don't listen to me ever", she calls me a child, I am condiscended with "what's wrong w/ you? Are you retarded?!!" Her nerves are often on end...so bad that she can't stand to be touched. She has headaches daily, suffers some depression, cannot tolerate most other people, and exhibits some social anxiety traits (i.e. makes me make important phonecalls, won't go into the gas station, etc, stays home most of the time, has no outside friendships because she does not want them). Her standards for me are very demanding. Little things I do (ie. laughing too loud, swearing, the clothes I wear, the act of pointing at a car i like) she finds offensive and embarassing. She is perfectionistic to the point that it disables her. Our home is in a constant disorder. She has difficulty keeping a job not becuase she is unfit, but because any thing out of order seems to keep her from functioning. she is often emotionally distant. up until she met me, she hadn't cried since she was 13 years old. she is 28 now. she has experienced many trajic events in her life, in addition to prolonged abuse as a child. she doesn't respond well to medication aside from a daily natural formula of st. john's wort. She tells me she expects nothing from me but for me to listen to her. However her patience is minimal. I know that sometimes I am not the greatest at remembering details or paying attention. but i don't feel like I should be punished daily by her anger/hurt at nearly every instance. I don't want to be afraid of the person I love. This disorder seems to take over her. It masks everything that I love about her. She is beautiful, she is incredibly smart, she is loving, she is faithful, she is gentle. She tells me she adores me and I want to trust her. It's only the behavior, the aggitation, and anxiety that correspond with OCPD that cause me to constently feel as though she couldn't possibly love me like she says she does...because she would be able to control the behavior. We both expect so much from eachother. I believe she considers my expectations, my desires...as me saying that she is not good enough at times. that isn't the case. I just want us both to understand eachother, to better eachother. i hardly ever seem to do the right thing, though all I want is the best for her and for myself.

Discouraged, Alone, and Asking for help...
nyule

[kelbelle65]

Hi NY,

I have OCD and I can tell you that you are doing the most important thing you can do-- to learn as much as possible about the disorder. There's a couple of books I found helpful: "Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals" and "Stop Obsessing" -- I don't remember author's names but search on Amazon. You might also think about finding a therapist who specializes in OCD, and go talk to them. It will help you in several different ways. The therapist can give you insight on how to live with someone who has it, and how cope yourself, especially when your partner's disorder is disruptive.

I'm not sure which drugs she has tried, but Serzone really helped me.

Good luck and feel free to ask more specific questions. I'd be happy to tell you what it's like to have an OCD brain...

Kelly

i also have ocd and would be glad to help if i can.......

[SunshineGold03]

I too have OCD and would be more than willing to lend you an ear if you need to chat. Does your girlfriend go to therapy? If not is this something she would be willing to try? Is she on medication? Have you two thought about couples counseling to help you communicate better in regards to her illness? I just wanna give you somethings to consider. Also, see about get information about her disorder either online or books. A good website to go to is : http://www.ocfoundation.org/
or
http://ilil.essortment.com/obsessivecompul_rtyv.htm
or
http://www.psyweb.com/Mdisord/ocpd.html

These sites deals alot with OCD and OCPD. OCD and OCPD are not the same so try foucsing on OCPD articles to get as much info as you can. Best of luck to you and your girlfriend. Keep us posted!!

Jenn

[doubletalk]

I think it's important that you know the difference between OCD and OCPD. It seems like you do. I also have OCD and think that I may also have OCPD. I hide my OCPD and I'm discovering many things about myself through therapy. OCPD is very difficult to change. Is your girlfriend getting help? After reading your post I think that maybe my husband also has OCPD. My best recommendation is therapy. I am on medication for OCD but I think only therapy can help the OCPD.