Some words of wisdom

Anxiety and fear strips away courage and makes great performances impossible. Doubt makes even the best decisions feel difficult and causes procrastination. Anger rips your focus away from your goals. Frustration can only serve to make you quit. Guilt makes it impossible to enjoy any successes you achieve. Jealousy and envy create dishonesty, hate and corruption.

In reading that just now, did you notice that the only things that can truly stop you are your own thoughts and emotions?

Likewise, the only things that can launch you into DOING, BEING and HAVING anything you want in life are also your thoughts and emotions.

BRAVO Sept. BRAVO!!!

So true...So very true.

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In reading that just now, did you notice that the only things that can truly stop you are your own thoughts and emotions?

Likewise, the only things that can launch you into DOING, BEING and HAVING anything you want in life are also your thoughts and emotions.

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Likewise the one thing I cannot change about myself are the thoughts and emotions I experience. Yes, I can pretend on the outside that I'm not having those thoughts and emotions, or muster all my efforts to keep them from being seen or from affecting someone else, but that doesn't stop them from happening to me.

And my thoughts and emotions are not choices. They happen TO me. So please don't try to tell me otherwise. I agree there are choices, these lie in the realm of what to do with those thoughts -- I don't have to act on them. I can feel like I want to kill someone and still choose not to, for example. But I can't make that feeling just go away.

Thanks, Hun. It is so true, isn't it?

Contrary to what you may believe, we CAN change our thoughts and emotions. We alone have the power and control over ourselves as to what we accept and what we don't.

You can argue with me till Hell freezes over, but I didn't write those words. An expert on self-esteem did. I wouldn't presume to tell you anything! Besides, everything that appears here are suggestions for those that choose to improve their self-esteem. No one is shoving them down anyone's throat.

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Contrary to what you may believe, we CAN change our thoughts and emotions. We alone have the power and control over ourselves as to what we accept and what we don't.

You can argue with me till Hell freezes over, but I didn't write those words. An expert on self-esteem did. I wouldn't presume to tell you anything! Besides, everything that appears here are suggestions for those that choose to improve their self-esteem. No one is shoving them down anyone's throat.

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Good grief, there's no need for you to get so defensive. You're entitled to believe whatever you like, and I'm glad your experience in this area has been different from mine because I would not wish mine on anyone.
Peace, and have a good night.
~Mal

Hey Mal,

Change is really hard. Changing your thoughts and emotions is particularly hard. I'm really struggling with that too. But I guess I still have some hope of being able to, even after all this time and failing at it over and over again, since I keep trying with therapy. I have to do it, or I don't really have a future. I definitely can't be a therapist if I can't change myself. How can I ask other people to do something that I won't do myself? But that's what I want to be some day, so I have to do my own work. If I can do it, you can too. Then again, nobody's going to make you. I just want to tell you, from someone who has been every bit as hopeless and who has thought that it was just meant to be that way, that you can change your thoughts and emotions, even if it's scary and it takes monumental effort, it will still be worth it. Staying this way, with no self-esteem, is worse.

Please don't presume to tell me what I feel. My feelings are my own.

We had a man that wrote a piece in the paper 2 yrs ago, saying ppl with mental illness can't change that they will need care takers all there lives, that is we prove it everyday here at my center also if you really want to change like Tomi says it is possible sure we'll have set backs but thats life
Angie

You're living in your own head on that one. I never commented on your feelings.

Feel free to re-read my posts when you are in a more rational frame of mind. Whatever it is you imagine there that you are jumping at, you will find is not.

Peace to your house.
~Mal

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Good grief, there's no need for you to get so defensive.

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Defensiveness is a feeling.

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You're living in your own head on that one.

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That's an accusatory and judgemental statement.

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...when you are in a more rational frame of mind.

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Again, judgemental. You don't know me, therefore you don't know my frame of mind.

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Feel free to re-read my posts

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I've read enough of your posts that I know I don't care to read any more of them.

This is a forum for working on our own self-esteem without the need of cutting other people down, accusing them and judging them to make ourselves feel better. That is NOT what self-esteem is all about.

Those are all judgments you are passing on me, Sept. Morn, not the other way around. I'm the one who is mystified here as to (1) why you are doing so and (2) why you are pushing it so hard to make it seem like I'm the one starting stuff. I simply voiced my opinion on a matter unrelated to any PERSON here and you let loose on me. Perhaps you are threatened by my opinion? But that isn't my problem, and I'm not going to allow you to make it my problem. You , not me, are the one who has been negative and cutting and cold here. You, not I, are the one in the wrong here. Have the last word if you wish, but I'm dropping this. It is clear you have a burr up your butt with my name on it, and that's YOUR loss.

If it makes you happy to blame others for your blunders, then by all means, DO IT!

Self-esteem means not taking pot shots at others when yours is low
Angie

Good thought, Angie!

You know, my observation is that the disagreement here between SeptemberMorn and Mal seems to reflect the fundamental differences between CBT and more emotion-focused therapies. Both are valid therapy approaches, but they have opposing beliefs about emotions.

CBT intervenes using our cognitions and our behaviors to influence our wellbeing. We act and think our way into a new way of feeling.

Whereas emotion focused therapies intervene using our emotions by exploring, giving meaning to, and validating our feelings. We may change how we think about what we feel, or we may soothe the feeling, but we still have the feeling. We may reconstruct our feeling with a new meaning or new belief, but we still feel the feeling.

Both approaches are equally valid. But they are diametrically opposed. If you believe in one, you might tend to view the methods of the other as "going about it backwards." Believe me, that's a debate that went on and on and on between me and my supervisor last year. It may continue to go on for as long as there are practitioners who use these approaches.

Fortunately, more and more psychologists are moving towards integrated theories. Perhaps down the road, these kinds of disagreements won't be so strident.

Regards,
gg

gg

gosh.......i don't think that the self-esteem forum is here for arguments of this kind. i might be wrong, but this got to a boiling point here and i regret that. i'd like to suggest that if we have a point to make and we're even a tiny bit sure that an argument is going to break out, do it in a personal message. i think it's one thing to try to support someone by pointing out inconsistencies or similiar things..but to down right fight over a difference in theory is a bit much...i want to stress the part of my sentence that says "try to support someone".....that's why we're here. we need it and we give it.....xoxoxo pat p.s. look for the bread pudding recipe in the food forum..

Thanks for trying to smooth things over, GG, but the differences between Malady and I go much, much deeper. We're kinda like oil and water. We'll never mix.

Well, I would say can't blame a girl for trying, but....

I'll just um, go back to my knitting.

And for lack of a knitting smilie...I'll just have to use my favorite...Oh how I wish my auntie emmy were here!

gg

I never COULD master the knitting needles!

Mal-
I know what you mean (not what you personally experience of course) about not being able to stop intrusive and disturbing thoughts from entering consciousness and being distracted by them. Its exhausting the vigilence it takes to be bombarded with unwanted stimuli to the psyche and senses and then have to constantly recognize and dismiss these thoughts. Sometimes we get too depleted of mental energy to keep on top of them all and find ourself lost in some psychotic thought process or autistic shut down and its hard for others to appreciated the energy it takes to come back to ourselves.
I hope you are able to to keep renewing the energy you need - I know for me its almost impossible to get any stored up.

Well, when I am ripping out rows, I'm not sure who is master.



gg

Awwww GG! Sweetie pie! Ya know how there are always gunna be some forums you post a lot on and some ya don't? Well, nothing wrong with those forums ya don't post on, they just aren't the ones you feel comfy on. This is one of those forums for me. It's the oil and water thing I guess.

It's a tricky topic, this self-esteem thing. I don't think I have the writing finesse to tread these trails without ruffling easter bonnets! I don't want anyone turning on CAPS and !!!!!! at me. I can't handle being yelled at. I have found this forum to be pretty intimidating to people who question anything....and I tend to question EVERYTHING. It's in my nature. I think I have a hidden teenager inside.

emmy

Aha, that's the one who's so good at shopping online with me while IMing!

gg

The problem I'm having is Now I'm doubting that self-esteem is needed or do we build up our ego's The self-esteem Fraud thread has me totally confused and angery