Seems my anxiety is always manifesting itself in different ways. It used to be through panic attacks, but I don't normally have them anymore.

I have had what I refer to as "bad thoughts" for quite some time now. They are very intrusive and make it very hard for me to relax. I am not sure if they would be considered anxiety/fear thoughts or thoughts that would fit in the obsessive thoughts category of OCD. They all have a catastrophic theme to them. Here are some examples of what happens:

I will call my husband. If he does not answer his cell phone, I become sure that he is dead. I begin to imagine going to his funeral, I imagine what life will be like without him. I cannot think of a rational reason as to why he might not be picking up his phone. This will continue until I hear from him.

I will be on the subway and I think over and over about all the bad things that could happen, i.e. it blows up, someone pulls out a gun, etc.

If I am at a crowded place with my husband (like a baseball game), and he goes to get food or to go to the bathroom and it takes a long time I begin to think over and over that something happened to him.

I have three parrots-- when I am away from home (at work, school, or out for the day), I will become stuck on the thought that they are dead. It will get so bad that I am almost panicking when I finally open the door because I am expected to find them dead.

When I take Advil, I become stuck on the thought that it has been poisoned.

If I have a certain ailment, such as a headache for a few days in a row, I am obsessed that it is a brain tumor, until it goes away.

I recognize that these thoughts are irrational. They are very disturbing to me. I don't engage in any compulsive behaviors. It would be very helpful to see what others think.

i think that i would find a therapist asap to talk to about your thoughts. i went through a period of time where i knew that my house would be burning down when i drove up to it. i don't think it's that unusual for us to have irrational thoughts.

do you see a doc or take anything for anxiety/panic/OCD? keep me posted. pat

[jmo531]

What you describe sounds a lot like OCD, more on the obsessional side. I am not a therapist, I can just say that I have and still do experience much of what you describe.

Have you done any internet searching on intrusive thoughts? or Pure "O"? This may help you understand what you are experiencing.

I can relate to how obsurd, scary and frustrating these thoughts can be. My intrusive thoughts include hurting a loved one and when I have thoughts like that, I feel totally disgusted and ashamed of myself. But, at the same time, a part of me knows that this is a part of my anxiety, and the fact that we can understand and accept these thoughts as "just thoughts", harmless thoughts, we can finally begin to grow in understanding our disorders.

Just keep sharing when ever you need to. I would also speak with your DR about a referral to see a therapist that specializes in Anxiety disorders.

Stay well,

Jen

[comeclarity]

I'm no psychologist but you should do some research on various disorders/illnesses. If I were you I'd look into this: http://www.schizophrenia.com/earlysigns.htm

[jmo531]

I really do not think it is entirely appropriate to post that link. It may further upset the original poster, or others that suffer with anxiety disorders.

Hmmm, schizophrenia? I highly doubt that, Comeclarity. I've been in therapy long enough to know that what I'm experiencing is a result of anxiety. But I agree with Jmo531-- be careful what you post on here. As a grad student of psychology, I can tell you that I have learned and seen just how much some people can take a suggestion like that to heart, and have it really upset them.

But anyway. I originally posted this to see if others had similar types of thoughts, and how they would categorize them.

In answer to the above questions-- I've been in and out of therapy since I was 18 (25 now). I have been with one particular therapist for a year and a half now, and am just starting to become somewhat comfortable with talking about these thoughts. I find them to be quite embarassing and shameful and have a difficult time disclosing them to anyone in person, even my therapist. It felt good to be able to type them out on here, and I think I will continue to list them in a journal, it might help. I have been on countless meds that haven't worked for me. I'm currently taking Trileptal (mood stabilizer for bipolar d/o) and I am supposed to start Lexapro tonight. My pdock prescribed this to me last week because I went through a 6-week depressive phase, and he wanted to add an AD to the mood stabilizer to help get me out of it. He said it would help w/ the obsessive thoughts, too. Of course, I'm afraid to take it. Go figure.

[omega5]

Sounds quite familiar to me. To me anxiety/stress manifests in obsessive thoughts that get stuck in my head. Sometimes they're really very stuck. Like get jammed and can't move forward.
I just noticed a couple of days ago that I'm very stressed again....
and the stress levels can sometimes be very high. Now doing my best to take it easy and do what I want to do.

[lauren_helene]

Pink,

I have some of the same obsessional thoughts. Usually about my son and husband. I'm constantly checking that doors are locked and I put the security alarm on every time I'm alone.

I don't think there is much of a difference between anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Mainly because the obsessive thoughts, when spiraling, put us in an anxious state.

For example, I until recently picked away at my fingers constantly and have since I was about 7 years old. My T says this compulsive behavior is based on anxiety. Which I know it is...

I'm not sure if I am answering your question but I certainly commiserate.

[Lemon]

I don't know the answer to the question on whether this is general anxiety or obsessive, but wanted to let you know I have similar thoughts. My husband travels a lot and if I don't hear from him often I immediately think he's dead. I know it is irrational, but that's what my mind does. I haven't told my therapist about this, but I'm going to at my next appointment.

Also - I saw you wrote you are supposed to start taking Lexapro. My doctor prescribed that to me, but I haven't started yet. I'm resiting taking meds, but not sure why. I'll be interested to hear if it helps you

[Talulah]

Ummm, I get very obsessive thoughts like you described. I don't have the compulsive side so the doc says its anxiety. But yea, there are many kinds of that. I can recognize their differences as well....

I started lexapro (first time on any anti depressant) 4 months ago, after the dosing got finalized, the anxiety has gotten soooooo much better. I really hope that you can find the right combo or dosing. I was ready to swallow anything to rid me of the crippling anxiety......but yea, try to work out something and don't be afraid of the drugs, you can learn techniques to 'deal' with the anxiety once the sypmtoms are more under control. Then, perhaps after learning new mechanisms to cope, you may be able to ween off and live a life w/o them. But, taking them makes the examining of them so much less overwhelming.

(((((((((((((((((((((good luck))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Perna]

I think obsessive thoughts get more stuck than you're describing? I do some of the late=dead too but I think obsessive leaves it there and goes round and round rather than moves on further to meanings/burials or tries to find a solution, etc. Sounds like the sort of anxiety I have. I put a time limit on things; if my husband's late, I look and see it's still "daytime" say, and decide I'll wait until night (which I define as 9:00ish) before I start calling hospitals or police, etc. :-) If it's night-time and he's late home from a plane trip the time goes to after Midnight before I "worry" for real. I just keep putting things off and doing "my" things/"pretending" the situation has different rules which I control.

If I'm afraid of something not related to my husband (I once was sure I saw footprints in the snow under our windows) I can tell my husband; I know him well enough that he won't make fun of me, will be thoughtful about his replies. He thanked me for telling him about my suspected footprints under the window but then didn't "do" anything, just "accepted" what I'd said very warmly so I was reassured and eventually I realized it was probably snow that had melted/dropped off the roof making the footprint-looking indentations. But I recommend, if you can show or tell or call someone it helps and reassure me whether I'm thinking of things right or not. Things in our head; we can "decide" if they're irrational, even if they're not or that they're not, even if they are. So if I think something's irrational and that it's "me" I just think up new rules or if I am really uncomfortable, I share my thoughts.

The more accepting I can be that I'm anxious, that that's "okay" that seems to help me too. I haven't died yet from being anxious so I tolerate it well and even try to laugh at myself some. Too, my circumstances (middle of the night can be a hard time for me if I wake) clue me in and I'm able to think of some little thing to "try" next time I'm working on whatever it is that is worrying me (usually has to wait until morning anyway).