omg why

i have not really had bad anxiety attacks in a while and for the life of me I don't really get why I am freaking out right now.

I guess on the scale of how bad my anxiety attacks can be its not so bad, .....I am only a little bit shackie and I can tell my heart rate went up ....

just trying to tone down body right now.

my boyfriend wants me to come over to his new place he has lived in for the last several months.

the odd thing is I have gone over there before and been fine but tonight I am kind of biding my time before I go over there.

I have been upset and mad at him, for a few months now....he was living with me and my mom...and he just thought it would be better if he moved out as far as him not spending as much of his money on random things and such and for the most part that does seem true but to some degree when he did first move out it made me feel like he was ungrateful for me helping him.

He got arrested for the first and only time in his life, when he moved in with me and my mom...under a totally false claim on him, from his brother's girlfriend who claimed he assaulted her..and she even has admited to other people in his family that she faked it just to get him out of the house.

But yeah at the time he had no place to go...for a the first few months things felt like they had changed between me and him and it pissed me off.

lately it does seem like we are talking more and getting along better. Communicating about things we need to...and doing so in a better way then before.

He spent the night with me last night...and he is asking if I can come over this evening and I am assuming he will come to my house the next...lol since our last convo was about things feeling a little more balanced between the two of us...him coming and doing stuff with me doing stuff with him and not just one person making all the decisions and all the energy to do everything.

I just feel anxious around his place for some reason....

if I had to guess its his room mate I feel pretty much like I wanna just stay in his room in his part of the apartment and not be anywhere near his room mate.

and for some reason after my boyfriend moved in his room mate *****ed and moaned about stuff that sounds like he made up...and he moved his tv and his xbox...and his computer....into the living room and when he is at home...not at work it pretty much seems like he lives out of his living room.

his room mate pretty much took it on himself that he does not really like me...he feels awkward around me..but apparently he is that way around all females he has social anxiety issues just like i do...but its not just anxiety..I can tell by the way I am looked at by him....and his body language that I just get on his nerves or something like that.

which I guess is not so hard to believe due to my autism and stuff ....I am more socially awkward...lol and I have general anxiety as well as social anxiety.....so yeah being around new people is not easy for me and I fail pretty poorly at making good first impressions....when I meet people.

lol but at least coming on here and talking about this before I headed out to see my boyfriend was helpful.

sorry for kind venting/ranting.....and the length of this message....

Hi there kala

I'm sorry to hear that you're not in a good place right now.

This is a very stressful time for you and you have a lot going on.

Do you have any external support that is helping you manage these anxious times?

Look after yourself.