[C2015]

If someone does or says something to upset you can you easily let it go or do you dwell on it for a long time? I try to let it go but I have a hard time doing it.

[Frk68]

This is one of the challenges of healthy thinking.Having good self esteem and healthy emotional boundaries so another's behaviours are another's behaviours and nothing more.

I cant let things go easy. Can take days sometimes month even years before i can let things go. Its horrble and only harms me but i dont know how to change it. Hoping dbt will give some insight.

[Frk68]

Trying to keep the focus on myself and what makes me feel better helps.What other people think and do is really none of my business.That is there thing.Worrying about things that I have no control of is self defeating and makes me miserable.AA and Al Anon has taught me a lot about self care.Not trying to change the world but changing my attitudes twords it.

[LifeGetsBetter]

Small things I let go. Some biggies I have held on to for years due mostly to hurt and not anger. I've allowed myself to be used and taken advantage of many times. Makes me angry at myself and I can't let that go. AA helps

[Frk68]

I have learned it is very important to forgive myself.I need to have compassion for myself and others.I am working with what I know.Now after years of being sick and tired of being sick and tired I am trying to surrender my old way of thinking to something new.Not easy to do.Its like learning a new language.I see progress though and that gives me hope.Deflate the ego build self esteem.Love and be loved with healthy boundaries in place.In time hopefully my subconscious self accepts it.

[C2015]

Originally Posted by Frk68

Trying to keep the focus on myself and what makes me feel better helps.What other people think and do is really none of my business.That is there thing.Worrying about things that I have no control of is self defeating and makes me miserable.AA and Al Anon has taught me a lot about self care.Not trying to change the world but changing my attitudes twords it.

That does make sense what you said. I only hurt myself by worrying about things I can't control.

[Frk68]

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the courage to change the things I can,and the wisdom to know the difference.

[francisR]

hi C2015

The reason for forgiving someone and letting it go is not really because the person deserves forgiveness but so that we can get rid of the bad feelings that would otherwise poison our system and block healing. Reminding yourself that this is why you are letting it go when the feeling comes up again might help. You can always say to yourself I am experiencing this and watch it as it goes out of your mind while you get on with the business of the day.
You can always pray for the strength to let it go. This would help.

I hope and pray this will improve for you in the future. Have a really great day. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[C2015]

Originally Posted by francisR

hi C2015

The reason for forgiving someone and letting it go is not really because the person deserves forgiveness but so that we can get rid of the bad feelings that would otherwise poison our system and block healing. Reminding yourself that this is why you are letting it go when the feeling comes up again might help. You can always say to yourself I am experiencing this and watch it as it goes out of your mind while you get on with the business of the day.
You can always pray for the strength to let it go. This would help.

I hope and pray this will improve for you in the future. Have a really great day. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

You are right about it only hurting me. I do pray about it. I think one reason I have a hard time letting things go is because I am bipolar. I try and not think about the wrong people do to me. But I find it hard not to. I'm hoping eventually I can let things go more easily. Thank you for your encouraging words. One reason I try to let it go is I know I am only hurting myself.

[SCP-122]

Originally Posted by C2015

If someone does or says something to upset you can you easily let it go or do you dwell on it for a long time? I try to let it go but I have a hard time doing it.

What has this person done to you? If you haven't already, would talking to this person help in anyway? Do you have someone you trust or are otherwise close to you can tell? If you have someone in your life you can go to, talk it over with them and they should be able to help you. I hope I helped a little. If not, I'm sorry.

I don't take to heart. Would never get anywhere if I held onto every word

[popuri88]

It depends on some factors: was it on purpose? was it expected or did the person hurt my trust? Is it a close person or someone who I couldn't care less about?

My boyfriend is often reminding me that while I'm gaining a headache from it, the other person is not even close to be thinking of me, so I'm just wasting time and energy. But, generally, I'm not one to hold grudges or take things personally when there's no reason to.

Nope. I have a tendency to take things way too personally. If somebody attacks me in such a way that my ego becomes threatened or if somebody betrays me in any way, I can't let it go and sometimes things even stay with me for years.

I even have a hard time taking criticism or being told off by somebody because I perceive these things as a personal attack to my intelligence or pride.

Heck, something as simple as somebody unfriending me on Facebook sets me off. I still can't forgive or forget my best friend's sister for unfriending me on Facebook over a marijuana debate despite it happening nearly 2 years ago and I'm passive aggressive and egotistical every time I'm around her.

[*Laurie*]

It is very hard for me to, deep inside, let it go if someone has been mean to me. Happens now and then with Facebook. Usually it's a 'friend' I hardly know, and the person will seem to want to pick an argument with me over some silly thing. I refuse to get into that kind of stuff online, but inside I feel hurt and angry. I work really hard NOT to personalize stuff...but it's hard...especially because I feel like I'm careful not to be mean to others. So why can't others also be more considerate?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I find it very stressful when my boundaries are impinged by people, and it is hard to process leading to anxiety, anger and depression.

[popuri88]

Oh yes, it also depends on if people are trying to expose me in some way. I had an acquaintance who is a pretty outspoken person and she tried to demean me once, jokingly , but in a way that bothered me a lot. It made me dislike her forever.

I'm good at accepting critique toward my work, for example, because I like to learn from others, I want to improve and acting biased is the opposite of this, for me. On the other hand, I don't like people who barely know me trying to make asumptions about my life, for example.

[Amarose]

I just did a forgiveness meditation at my support group on Sunday and I found it really helpful. I bet some guided forgiveness meditations could be found online?

[maruf]

Originally Posted by C2015

If someone does or says something to upset you can you easily let it go or do you dwell on it for a long time? I try to let it go but I have a hard time doing it.

It's very difficult for me to let such thing go. It keeps popping up in my head for hours and days and absorbs my energy.

[maruf]

Originally Posted by C2015

That does make sense what you said. I only hurt myself by worrying about things I can't control.

I knew that I can't control these things, but can't get rid of them.

[misslabarinth]

I generally have an easy time forgetting when a person has stated something foul.
However, this is mostly due to having a lack of 'sadness' you could say, anger is really all I feel when it comes to 'sadness' and anger can't last forever can it? Well unless you are the type of person to hold grudges for extended amounts of time.
I haven't necessarily felt 'sadness' in awhile, I get a glimpse; however anger/agitation seems to devour most of being lately.
I am starting to disbelieve in 'sadness'.
As well as 'happiness', in fact; I don't generally feel most other than anger, and if there is no anger, I feel nothing.
:/

MissLabarinth

[vonmoxie]

It used to bother me like crazy when I was younger, but now it's only when someone very close like immediate family is unkind that it bothers me. When other people try to do it, I genuinely smile at them. It drives them nuts and might even aggravate the situation sometimes, but I can't help but be amused that they think they will know how to make me feel bad. Acquaintances and work colleagues haven't a clue what makes me tick, and invariably the things that they might try to be insulting about are nothing I'm sensitive about. It's a far cry from the girl who was once scared of her own shadow, but that's a long time ago. Most people couldn't begin to guess what I've been through over the course of my life, what it would take to get under my skin, and that happens to work out quite well for me.

Except that people who are very used to others being intimidated by them can be really irritated by my apparent imperviousness. But, that's none of my business.

[Amarose]

I find that I actually have a harder time forgiving myself more than forgiving others.