[tiodlliwi]

Does anyone have any tricks or book recommendations for appreciating what we have in life? I am struggling. I feel like my husband and I have worked really hard on our relationship and only continue to get stronger, both have decent jobs, good friends and family. I really don't have a lot to complain about. Yet, so often I find myself compairing to others- other families (i.e. so-and-so spends so much time with their parents and I only see mine about every other week? Is that bad?) other couples (they have so much in common and seem so close) other peoples jobs (they make so much more than we do) others' homes (nicer, bigger, cleaner).

I think- wait, a second, I mean I KNOW- that I worry way too much about what other people think and their opinions about myself and my life. I don't like to feel judged- especially when I'm already insecure.

I also worry a lot about what my husband will do for a living for the rest of his life. He didn't go to college and currently works in construction but has indicated that he'd like to think about something different soon. What that may be? I don't know and neither does he. While I am very passionate about my job, he is not as much- his music is his passion so I think he would be open to many different jobs but does not really have any "traditional career goals". I have a hard time just living for the moment and appreciating what I have RIGHT NOW (which is great if I could just relax and enjoy it)

Sorry this is so long- I needed to get it out. Am really looking for kind words (or honest advice, even if not kind).
Thanks again for listening!

[Maven]

I'm afraid I can't help, as far as appreciating what you have. I'm the same way. I really do have a lot to complain about, and there's a lot of changes I want to make, but I admit, while I'm appreciative of some things, I always want more. My boyfriend is a good guy, but I have a lot of complaints, which I do feel are legitimate. I won't go into all my reasons and issues, but just lately, I'm reminded of how I wish he were more confident, assertive and willing to fight for what we want, rather than "settling."

But on other things you said...I don't see my mom in person but for every several weeks or months. I talk to her on the phone almost every day. I don't have a car. She does now, but she's afraid to drive on streets it takes to get here, although my boyfriend says there are back roads she could take. Still, she's the type who might get easily lost; in any case, she's never asked for further information. The other problem is, we have several steps to get into our apartment, and she's not in shape for climbing them.

I feel mad a lot of times about our financial situation, too, because he worked up a lot of credit card debt, and he makes enough money that we shouldn't be struggling. There are lots of people far worse off than we are, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't and couldn't be better. I admit I ask him to buy a lot of books, but even so, he had credit card debt long before he met me.

I understand your concerns about your husband's work future. If he's serious about wanting to do something different, while there are many paths to get there, my advice would be to keep his construction job and take some night classes at college for something he'd like to do. It can be music-related, if that's what he wants to do, but if he just wants to play, he needs to take "gigs" on the side, to see if he could make good money at it. But I'd still advise the college classes, because when you want a career where you can never know if and when you'll be working and how much you'll make, you should have a backup career, where you're making steady money and taking care of your responsibilities (and since he's married to you, you're part of those responsibilities). Like I said, he can do some research on music careers that are more solid than playing gigs and pay well, and get training for that, and it'll also be something he could put on a resume. But until he's got a steady job in that field ready for him, he shouldn't quit his current one. If you really want something, you have to work hard for it. This is only my opinion, and you or others may disagree, but I hope it helps.

[tiodlliwi]

Thanks for your response.

No, he would never quit without having something stable. He does do music ("gigs") on the side and has said that while it would be his dream to be able to make enough money to turn that into a career, he knows it is a long shot and will most likely always have to have a suplemental job. I don't think he'd consider going back to school because he really disliked it and didn't do all that well. I know he will always work and do whatever he needs to do to make ends meet, and would never quit a job without something else steady lined up. It's just that his job is most likely always going to be "just a job"- whereas for me, my job is sort of my hobby and I need to be passionate about. So, yes we are different in that way and, yes, I do think money and the future are scary.

My point is- I need to be able to realize that everything is OK RIGHT NOW! And have faith that it will continue to be, no matter what changes may come. And also believe that if we hit hard times, we will figure it out and work through it.
And most importantly, there is nothing happening right this second and nothing I can do right this second so worrying is not going to help anything.

I decided right now that I am going to have a great, positive day! And I actually believe it, I'm not just saying i!!

[Perna]

I helped myself reading books on Jung, dreams, daydreams and synchronicity. Seeing "more" of what was in my life right now helped me.

http://www.amazon.com/Tao-Psychology...dp/0062500813/

http://www.amazon.com/Daydreaming-Un...dp/014025031X/

[jefftele]

there is a psychotherapy from the east called naikan a big part of it is about gratefulness for what we have in life there is a book on the subject.there is also the book gratefulness written by david steindl-rast a monk both good reads