[Bipolartist]

Long story short, I cut a mean person out of my life a while back and he said horrible things about me and even posted publicly the day I cut him off, "Take responsibility for your mental illness." Really? I take meds, see a psychiatrist and go to therapy every 3 weeks. I let him back into my life. Now he's getting mean again.

I'm afraid to cut him out of my life. I keep thinking, "Oh, forgive and forget." And, "What if it hurts him if I cut him off and ignore him?" I want to defend myself, but then he becomes enraged. When he's an asshole and someone calls him out on it, then they are the asshole. I've been obsessing about the terrible things he says to me and what he says about other people. I think I'm just going to ignore him, but for some reason I just keep going back for more torture. I think because cutting him off triggers my anxiety disorder and I get paranoid (I'm bipolar).

I'm really interested in seeing how other people have handled this type of situation.

Its okay to forgive and forget, but if its a normal thing i would be concerned about the toxic effects this person has on you. If they are causing you mental illness, its best to cut ties.

[CosmicRose]

You can either cut out an abusive person from your life, or you can keep them around to abuse you some more. It's that simple. Nothing more complicated than that. Which causes you more anxiety, cutting him off, or having him continue to be enraged? I would think the "enraged" part would be more anxiety producing.

You can also attempt to speak to him about his behavior, but do it in a safe constructive way and refrain from saying anything that could turn it into a fight.
Set boundaries and ground rules. "If you continue to do A, then B" "If you continue to become enraged when I try to speak to you about a certain topic, then you will no longer be welcome in my life."

I had almost the same issue. I cut them out and let them back in. Wised up that I was still very unhappy about what they did and I wasnt getting over it.

Cut them out for good, let them know why and havent so much as acknowledged their existence ever again.

I sincerely feel better about the the whole thing. I feel like I cut a toxic user person out of my life.

[Symbolic]

I used to be like this as a kid. I'd get bullied at school, then the same kid would want to hang out, which made me feel better, then the next day it was back to the abuse, but I'd still want them to like me and want to hang out. It was a vicious cycle for years. Thankfully, I lost my tolerance for it before I reached adulthood. Unfortunately, I went to the other extreme, which was to be 10x the asshole back, which is still proving to be a difficult habit to shake, so don't go that route.

If they keep causing grief, it's honestly not worth bringing them back into your life for more. It's tough, but sometimes you need to stand up for yourself and say "You're not going to treat me like that because I don't need it, want it, or deserve it, so get lost." You can do it. Good luck!

[Velouria]

Originally Posted by Bipolartist

Long story short, I cut a mean person out of my life a while back and he said horrible things about me and even posted publicly the day I cut him off, "Take responsibility for your mental illness." Really? I take meds, see a psychiatrist and go to therapy every 3 weeks. I let him back into my life. Now he's getting mean again.

I'm afraid to cut him out of my life. I keep thinking, "Oh, forgive and forget." And, "What if it hurts him if I cut him off and ignore him?" I want to defend myself, but then he becomes enraged. When he's an asshole and someone calls him out on it, then they are the asshole. I've been obsessing about the terrible things he says to me and what he says about other people. I think I'm just going to ignore him, but for some reason I just keep going back for more torture. I think because cutting him off triggers my anxiety disorder and I get paranoid (I'm bipolar).

I'm really interested in seeing how other people have handled this type of situation.

I can totally understand why you feel bad and are afraid of hurting him, even though he sounds like a total d**k. You have more empathy than he does, apparently, and that's a good thing.

But it sounds like he has mental issues of his own, and I'd make that clear to him. Just because people don't go to therapy or take meds or have diagnoses doesn't mean there's nothing wrong with them.

Narcissists tend to get enraged when they are called out on being assholes. Those with BPD do as well. And if he's posting publicly for you to "take responsibility," he's being impulsive and malicious. That wasn't coming from a kind place, I don't care how he might justify it.

He sounds really toxic. Maybe don't necessarily cut him off abruptly, because it sounds like he'll create more drama for you and won't just let you go anyway, but back away slowly. Just kind of fade away from him. Start disconnecting.

What are you anxious and paranoid about particularly if you just cut him off?

[Bipolartist]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I'm now worried that people will think I'm talking **** about this person. I'm not. I'm just trying to describe my situation. I certainly don't have room to talk ****. Just sayin'