enjoying panic attacks

I was abused for an extended period of time and this caused panic attacks. This caused me to begin to enjoy having panic attacks. The clinical director at the local community mental health center said that I was bipolar and this had to do with being abused as a child. I think that she is stupid because I started enjoying having panic attacks after people forced their way into my home, abducted me, and sadistically abused me for several years. Although, I was wondering if it is related to me intentionally harming myself and wanting to be dominated by others when I was a child and young adult. I think that the clinical director uses a catch all definition to describe things.

Are you sure they are panic attacks? not questioning it if it is, but just in my experience the closest I have come to 'enjoying' anything like a panic attack....was when it was more of a rage attack. It was triggerred by a traumatic experience but it got to where the rage/adrenaline or whatever almost felt good like it was a powerful kind of feeling....kind of a negative euphoria I suppose. So is there any of that going on when you experience this....or is it really just panic and extreme fear and feelings of helplessness you feel you are enjoying?

Some of my attacks I like but most I don't like.

I know it was a panic attack because I was told by a psychiatrist that it was a full blown panic attack. I feel really scared and have to lay down in bed. I don't like to feel rage or anger. At first I felt scared about a panic attack, then I felt angry that someone was giving me a panic attack, and then I started enjoying panic attacks. I think that it is just extreme fear I em enjoying. It makes me feel like I can endure unpleasant things and I feel stronger. It reminds me of being abused.