[Girlygirl25]

Hi everyone,

I'm new on this forum and really hoping to receive some advice.

I've been seeing a therapist since about 3 months, because of encountering the same issues over and over again. Although I'm happy with the way I look, it seems that I have low self-esteem. (I'm being tested for general anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder. Therapist said last one is unlikely the case).

I pretty much constantly feel worried, nervous and afraid about what people will think of me. I assume they'll hate me. When it seems like people criticise me or when I think I've make a mistake somehow, I will completely freak out, feel depressed and panic to the point where I'm afraid I might jump off a building. In therapy, we've been working on how I feel at work and I've made quite some progress at that point.

What I'm really worried about how I handle relationships or even dating. Talking or flirting is not a problem, but when things get serious I feel afraid all the time!! "He won't like me anymore, he'll leave me, I hate myself and I can't deal with this". I've been dating someone for 2 months now, who's just broken up with his ex. But now we haven't spoken in a few days, probably cause we're moving too fast.
Although I like the guy, I hardly know him and I don't love him or anything. But now the same feelings are coming back to me: I can't focus at work or even long conversations, stomach hurts, legs feel nervous, can't sleep, feel depressed and I just want to stay in bed all day (of course I'm not letting the guy know!!!) I feel so obsessed with this guy, even though I felt better before I even met him! At times I get so overwhelmed I see no other option than ending my life. Which is ridiculous because I have a nice life!

I know how to do crisis-management, so I won't actually hurt myself, so I keep myself busy. But I want to change my behaviour and thinking patterns when it comes to relationships. Any advice? Is this part of an anxiety disorder, low self-esteem or something else? Will I ever be able to have a normal relationship? What can I ask/tell my therapist to help change my patterns?

Thank you so muchxxx

[kaliope]

it sounds to me that you have problems with emotional regulation. i used to get really drastically upset like that too. i called it getting suicidal over burnt toast. lol. i called it going from 0-60. what really helped me was an introductory group in dbt skills. after i learned those skills i was able to better regulate my emotions. ask your therapists if one of those groups exist or if she is able to teach them to you.

[not quite right]

This sounds like anxiety, and possibly borderline personality disorder. I suffer from both and I share some of those tendencies. You may see a psychiatrist for medical options.

[Girlygirl25]

Just thought I'd check in, since I got diagnosed a few days ago. Thanks for your messages!
@ kaliope: you said you learned how to regulate your emotions better, how long have you had therapy?

So I had never heard of it before, but after several hours of testing the results came back positive for avoidant personality disorder (and very low self esteem). It's interesting to read that other people have those feelings to! But it still sucks and I just want these feelings and negative thoughts to go away, like, overnight! haha

Went to the psychiatrist as well, but he said I didn't need medication. So that's a good thing, but at the same time, it means it's not going to be easy to change my patterns...