[Rio_]

...but I need to post this. For around the past half hour I've been working up the courage to phone one of the people in the string group I'm in at school to check when the next rehearsal is...I felt scared enough then, but I got some bad news - he doesn't know when the rehearsal is either. So now I need to make another phone call to the person leading the group (already tried once, but got his answerphone...really didn't feel up to leaving a message ), and if there's not another rehearsal before the end of next week then I'll need to make even more. I'm the leader of the school ceilidh band, and it's up to me to organise the dates of rehearsals - I was really hoping to be able to do this when I saw them at either orchestra (which I now know isn't going to happen, because one of my exams cuts into it ) or the string group, although I knew I'd have to call at least one person. But now it looks like I might have to call all of them.

I know it's my fault for not putting enough effort into exposure therapy when it came to making phone calls and leaving messages, but I'm scared! And I can't even let my old therapist know, because he said to call him if I had problems, and calling people is the very thing I'm having a problem with at the moment.

[SecretGarden]

Well practice and success will assist with your feeling better about doiing this.

I know this is not the point but why not get everybody's email address and get communication going that way.

[Rio_]

Thanks for replying, SecretGarden. That's true, but most of the time with phone calls even if I make one small mistake it feels like I've failed...succeeding at them is very difficult for me.

I wish I could, but I can't rely on email - I never know how often people check theirs, and if they don't reply I won't know if they've recieved my message. (Plus, I've had problems before with my emails going straight into one of my friend's junk mail folders because of the email's strict filters.) I'd certainly feel a lot more comfortable with emailing them than phoning them, though.

[SecretGarden]

Are you glad to not be in therapy any more? Seems you have alot of worries. It is o.k....and you will work them through but are you glad to no longer have the help of a therapist?

[SecretGarden]

If it is up to you to organize all of these folks it sounds like you are the boss. Can you possibly ask them if they have email, how often they check it and depending on the situation...can you demand that they check their email once a day or twice a week or something? The guy with the filter problem should be able to fix it to allow you in. Otherwise perhaps one person can be assigned to call him.

Having to call these folks is not time effective.

Good luck. :-)

[Rio_]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
SecretGarden said:
Are you glad to not be in therapy any more? Seems you have alot of worries. It is o.k....and you will work them through but are you glad to no longer have the help of a therapist?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
To be honest...I don't know. I'm annoyed at him because he terminated me without really asking first, but up until yesterday I thought I was doing fine by myself...really, though, what could he do? Hold my hand while I make the calls? The exposure work I did was all done outside the session, except for when we discussed why I was avoiding the things I was avoiding, and then I let him know how I got on afterwards. I guess since the exposure I did do went pretty well, he assumed we didn't need to cover everything.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
SecretGarden said:
If it is up to you to organize all of these folks it sounds like you are the boss. Can you possibly ask them if they have email, how often they check it and depending on the situation...can you demand that they check their email once a day or twice a week or something? The guy with the filter problem should be able to fix it to allow you in. Otherwise perhaps one person can be assigned to call him.

Having to call these folks is not time effective.

Good luck. :-)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Yep, I am...and if I knew how much it would involve I never would have volunteered! Too late now... That would have been great if I'd thought to do that nearer the start, but it's possible that I won't be seeing most of them now until the next rehearsal, which is why I'll probably need to call them. Still, if I ever find myself doing something like this again then that'd be a very good idea, thanks for the suggestion. The one with the filter problem isn't in the group, and she's tried to sort out the filter problem before without success. It's better than it was, though - it used to block my emails completely before I switched addresses!

Thanks again.

[SecretGarden]

What is your fear of what will happen when you call people? Is it different than when you are talking to them face to face?

[Rio_]

Good question. I think it's mainly that I keep thinking about "what-ifs":

-What if I get the wrong number?
-What if someone else answers?
-What if they're not in, and I have to leave a message (either with someone else in the house, or an answerphone)? What if I give the message wrong?
-What if I forget something, and have to call back?
-What if they can't understand me? (Sometimes I mix words up or talk too fast if I get nervous. )
-What if I interrupt them in the middle of something?

There are probably more, but those are the ones I can think of at the moment. With mobile phones it's a bit easier, because I know who's going to answer, but then there's problems of losing the signal suddenly, plus if I make the call somewhere where it's quite loud (such as a shopping centre), I might not be able to hear them.

There's also the fact that I'm relying solely on using my voice. You can't use facial expressions on the phone, and you can't read the other person's, either. If I'm talking to someone in person, I can make a face if I say something stupid, I can smile and nod when the other person is talking, I can sometimes point at whatever I'm talking about...you can't do that with phones! It feels to me like it's more easy to be misunderstood.

Hope I'm making sense, sometimes I'm not sure myself why I hate making phone calls so much...

[pegasus]

Hello Rio!

There is an answer for all of your 'what ifs.....'

What if I get the wrong number? ...........Write the number down on a piece of paper before hand. If it is the wrong number just politely say I'm sorry to trouble you I accidently rang the wrong number.( Nothing dreadful will happen.)

What if someone else answers? ............Please could I speak to blah blah blah.

What if they're not in, and I have to leave a message? ...........Write down on a piece of paper before hand.......... this is a message for blah blah blah, meet at where ever, from Rio

What if the message is wrong? ............Ring again stating that you accidently left the wrong details and give the correct details. It is not the end of the world if you need to do this.

What if I forget something and have to call back? ...........Practice speaking slowly, again nothing dreadful will happen if you make a mistake. Nobody is perfect!

What if they can't understand me? .........write it down before hand, if you get it wrong, it's ok, repeat if you need to.

What if I interrupt them in the middle of something? .............What are you frightened of, they cannot hurt you down the telephone and you are not expected to know exactly when to call someone. If you are polite to them usually people are polite back.

My answers are just ideas to help with the anxiety, I hope it helps. Remember that nothing dreadful will happen and the more you ring people the easier it will get.

Good luck!

[Perna]

Can you call and ask them for their email addresses? :-) say you're putting together a list so you can try informing people of the schedule that way? Then you can just sort of ask, "oh, by the way. . ." Make a little "speech" to get you started or of things you need to say that you can refer to if you get too scared, then it's not so bad.

[Rio_]

Thanks, pegasus! Those are helpful, I'll have to read them again before I make these calls.

[Rio_]

Thanks for the suggestions, Perna. That's an idea - I'll still have to call them, but I can set up a group email for next time. I always try and make a "speech" anyway, to try and avoid my mind going blank just as the other person picks up the phone, so that's not a problem...assuming I can remember it, but like pegasus said, I can write it down.

[Rio_]

Two down, two to go! The two to go are going to be harder, though, because they'll be in the evening so the people are more likely to be out/someone else is more likely to answer. Still, I've survived so far...