[glitterkitten]

So I was diagnosed with anxiety years ago, but the main focus of my care for most of these years has been the Bipolar I and getting that under control (the depression, the acute mania). However, it's very apparent that I have been neglecting symptoms of GAD, perhaps associating them with other things like hypomania or depression or just disliking my life situation, beating myself up as if I feel this way (irritable, edgy, unhappy and nervous on a daily basis) because I'm young and dumb, not making the right decisions, I'm immature, etc.

I've been blaming this uneasy feeling on many things for probably over a year now, and it has become almost unbearable - I don't want to go to work, I don't want to be around people, I'm worried about everything. My back is hurting, I get headaches, I'm physically exhausted, hot flashes, you name it.

I went to my psych for a med check a couple days ago and even though GAD is not what I expected to discuss, he could read me like a book. He knew I wasn't feeling well, and the more we chatted, it looks like I need to go back on the Klonopin for now. As I mentioned, I was chalking up feeling bad to almost anything else, but sadly I've been neglecting these symptoms of GAD for a long time.

I'm glad we are addressing it, but I feel bad right now. The mornings are extremely tough, especially after my husband leaves for work and I have a period of time when I'm alone until I head out to the office.

Even though I'm doing well at work, getting up everyday and doing what I absolutely have to do, voluntary activities have dropped off, self-care has dropped off, I just don't care. I'm tired and I'm overstimulated and I feel like I just want to stay home all day and refrain from talking to anyone, from dealing with anything or going anywhere.

I'm impressed that I can hide it all, just so I can keep going (keep my job!), etc -- but under the mask I am suffering.

I just wanted to share that and vent because I'm having a tough time. Hope everyone has a good Tuesday today.

-Jess

[Dan208]

I know how you feel. I just started a new job and shift at work, having to learn a new skill, and the anxiety of worrying about screwing up has been downright exhausting. I'm able to "put on a face" at work, but by the end of the day I'm completely wiped out. My off days (like today) are filled with sitting around doing nothing even thought there are things that need to be done. I just can't work up the motivation or energy to get going.

[Fuzzybear]

[francisR]

Hi Glitter kitten

You have in fact done very well, getting the bipolar under control. I have spoken to a couple of people suffering from this, and they have confirmed that high levels of anxiety spark off mania.

Something that might help in this situation would be to do the breath meditation, which involves closing the eyes focusing on the breath coming in and out noticing intrusive thoughts not trying to get rid of them and bringing your focus back to your breath. This should be done twice a day for at least 10 minutes. So that having done this for a week or so when you feel anxious focusing on your breath will bring feelings of relaxation.

Beating up on ourselves is pointless if only makes us feel worse and delays recovery. Perhaps asking ourselves what we would do with someone in our position would help. We would be sympathetic and tell them to go easy and give themselves a break. We need to do that for ourselves.

Coincidentally, I do have GAD also. But I what do with it. Is to use acceptance and commitment therapy. You can Google that and self-help literature on that would be available. Hopefully in the public library and on Amazon or eBay. I say to myself, I am experiencing anxiety and observe this feeling as it passes through the mind and goes away and keep doing this for as long as the anxiety lasts and it always does go away. Trying to get rid of these feelings, research has revealed doesn't work, but just makes them come back again. Even stronger. Of course, while doing this. I just get on with the business of the day. Going back on medication would be helpful. And when you feel strong enough you could gradually reduce the dosage.

When you are alone in the house like that is the time to start using these coping strategies. Getting a grip on anxiety. First thing in the morning. Usually means the rest of the day goes much better. Also keeping herself busy at those times takes the focus away from anxiety.
Despite feelings to the contrary you make yourself do what you have to do, which takes perseverance, courage and true grit and you should feel good about being able to do that. But when you get the medication and start using your coping strategies things at work will become easier. I really hope and pray that all of this gets much better for you. Very quickly. Take care. Have a really great day. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis