[Ricter]

Hello everyone. Just found these boards last night, it's good to find such a well established community.

My problem, simply, seems to be that I'm terrified of standing up for myself, among strangers, over almost any issue, regardless of its importance. I can't assert myself over so much as my rightful place in a line, much less handle an emergency, without freezing up (the dead giveaway of a squeaky, tight voice, sweat, immobility of limbs and action).

From what I've been reading so far on line, cowardice is basically incurable. Not ready to accept that yet. Anything ELSE I can read?

Thanks.

[kelbelle65]

Hi Ricter,

I'm new to these boards too, and I want to tell you that there definitely IS a solution to your problem. I grew up with low self esteem and no ability to stand up for myself and I've come a long way in that department. I'm 38 now and although I still have trouble on occasion, I'm nothing like the wuss I used to be. I don't know how old you are, but it doesn't matter-- you can start to conquer low self-esteem at any age. What helped me was books, books, books and therapy. And if you can afford it, I highly recommend a life coach. There are books on learning how to take care of yourself in situations where you put others first and you should put yourself first. The thing I learned that really helped me was to realize that every human being is just as worthy and valid as the next. And we should all treat ourselves and each other with loving kindness. Nobody should judge anyone else and we shouldn't judge ourselves. We're all on our individual paths, doing what we're able to do in each particular moment, but we have resources to learn how to do things better. If we choose not to take advantage of those resources (i.e., books, therapy, support groups) then we must look at why we are resistant. Is it fear of change? Fear of judgement? Fear of doing the work to get the result? Laziness? Feelings of being overwhelmed? Then the key is to stop what we're doing and breathe deeply-- literally, take 5 deep breaths into the belly and say something like, "I have the power to calm myself. I have the power to take care of myself. I am valid. I have been given the gift of being human, with all the ability to survive in this world. What do I need to do or say in this situation to make sure I do not get hurt?" For instance, if someone cuts you off in line, you can say in a friendly voice, "I'm sorry, I was next. Thank you." If they don't budge or if they say something rude, what I would do is "not sweat the small stuff." People can be self-absorbed and selfish. As long as it's not hurting you, just let that one go and know that you exercised your personal power by having the guts to say, "I'm sorry, I was next in line." And just know that what that person is doing is NOT about you. They are not personally attacking you-- they are just not awake to being kind to others.

Hope that helps a little. Good luck and remember: as long as you are acting with loving kindness, you do not have worry what others may be thinking of you. Just step up to the plate and confidently be the beautiful human being you are. It's working for me so I'm living proof!

Kelly

[doubletalk]

Thank you so much for your positive response. I too am afraid of my own shadow. What books do you reccomend?

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Hello and welcome

I use to get that way as well, presentations etc. Sounds like social anxiety, but I could be wrong. What is the fear of standing up for yourself? What do you think will happen?


<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[kelbelle65]

Hi Ricter-- "Ten Days to Self Esteem" by David Burns, M.D. and "Maximum Self-Esteem" by Jerry Minchinton are good ones to start with. Amazon.com has both and they're inexpensive. I'm always amazed at the growth I've accomplished just by reading books like these. Go unleash your personal power! Your life will start changing right away. And if you want a self-esteem buddy to talk to while you go through the books, feel free to e-mail me. -Kelly

[doubletalk]

Made any progress? I too am afraid. I also have OCD. I would love to have some self esteem. I think I will read a book. Let me know if you've found any quick ways to self esteem.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

I think as well as building self esteem , what about building self confidence?

I know I need to work on both, that is why I have so much anxiety with jobs etc.



<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>