Anxiety from being overwhelmed

Amarose · Sep 13, 2015, 04:55 PM

My husbands friend and his daughter came over on Saturday to go to the renaissance festival with us and then they ended up spending the night and just left at any 2:30. I was struggling with anxiety almost the whole time they were here and a little before and after. First of all I had to get up with our son (he's 3 months old) when he woke up at 7:30. Which I always do, but my husband just sleeps and doesn't really help me. Then I had to get Zen and his diaper bag ready to go to my mom's for the day. Drive to my mom's which is 1/2 hour away and back. Then get myself ready to go. Then have to make my husband get out of bed and get ready. His friend was late so had to wait. Then deal with a wild 8 year old girl who's parents don't have good boundaries, so she always seeks me...... And she is wandering all over the place with her dad not even caring! The crowds of people. Meeting up with other people and trying to keep a group together. Not eating enough, due to loss of appetite. Getting light headed, a headache and surreal feeling.... Then having to go pick up my son and get him in bed. The most relaxing part of my day was driving. In the morning friends daughter comes to me with energy and is hungry. I'm trying to feed my son. She keeps trying to pick him up and doesn't listen to what I'm saying. My husband and his friend are asleep until I fight to get them both up. Then friend says his daughter is going to have to wait to eat until they get home. They come to breakfast with us. Ask husband to check sons diaper while I finish eating, he says it's fine only to find a poopy mess! I am just so done! I don't know how to handle this!

kaliope · Sep 14, 2015, 10:04 AM

i know it can be really challenging, but you are not mother to the world. you need to think about mothering yourself and setting boundaries with others. it is not your job to take care of the neighbors child. let them know to keep their child at home. you are not your husband's mother. he is old enough to take care of himself. he can set an alarm and wake himself up and is too old to be having slumber parties and friends you have to care for as well. focus on you and your child. set boundaries on how late people can be in your home based on your anxiety level. your body tells you what you can handle. listen to it and build your life to care for you.

popuri88 · Sep 14, 2015, 01:55 PM

Look, if you're here you probably have already enough to deal with. I totally agree with kaliope. I'm sorry, I don't want to sound harsh... but from what I read I feel like asking if this relationship is doing you any good.

Have in mind that your husband is not supposed to "help" you, he's supposed to take care of his son and it's not like if he was doing you a favor. Have you already made this clear? I'm sorry, but you should be getting more support from him (besides him taking care of the baby, which is not to be considered support from my POV, it's his duty!).

As for the friend, does your husband know how overloaded you are? Can't you ask the other guy to leave and tell him you have a small child to take care of? If not, then let the girl bother her parents. Ignore her, she's not her responsability as her father is right there.

bipolar angel · Sep 15, 2015, 03:38 AM

Hang on there Amarose! It is very stressful whn you have a new baby-even if you don't have any MI. Of you have MI, it can trigger many issues! Please talk to your hubby, many yrs ago, whn I had my new baby-I ran around/kept trying do all-until I ran myself right into the ground-depression, then acute anxiety-couldn't get medmix correct and went inpt after 1yr of craziness for me! So please, talk to hubby about he needs do x, y, z. Needs let you sleep -he needs take turn up with baby, feed him, etc. I say this especially because sleep deprivation can make you feel more depressed, more stress, more anxious. Hope you have a therapist-if not-in my humble opinion please go to one/bring hubby so therapist can help explain/reinforce what you need. My exhubby was incline to think I just complained unless therapist made it important point! It can be hard, even though we all feel hubby should help with baby-not all men are wired that way-mine tryly belueved he went to work/did repairs all outside work and some shopping-he believed most housework/childcare was wifes domain!!
Again, hang in there and speak up for yourself, please!

Amarose · Sep 15, 2015, 05:04 AM

My husband is also dealing with a very bad flare in his depression right now and I feel like the slightest thing can trigger him, so it is hard to talk to him about anything right now.... Also what is MI?

bipolar angel · Sep 15, 2015, 05:34 AM

Oh, sorry MI is short for mental illness (depression,, anxiety, bipolar, whatever). It is hard if he is depressed-can you both talk to a therapist-just to help figure out coping strategies or ways to discuss things that won't stress out/trigger either one of you...again-just a suggestion but sometimes it can help because a therapist can help play mediator, keep it calm and away from blame game...
Also, I should have said in earlier post-if you have good friends/family willing to help-ask!! I didn't want to bother people, then I thought othets seem to do all/why can't I-my misperception, many people have help-someone take baby for 2hrs, just so you can nap-or run errands for you, etc