[Mellon]

I've always been an anxious person about my health and the health of others (but not about anything else, oddly).

Ever since I was 10 and I got my first period (TMI!) I thought I was going to die of internal bleeding.

It was always manageable though. I could keep going with my life and be relatively okay. Recently, it's gotten much worse. Any minor pain can send me into a spiral of fear. I've had to stay home from school a few times. It's that bad. I'm so afraid of everything and I don't want to fail any classes but I can't concentrate on anything but symptoms. No matter how many times I'm assured that I'm okay I still can't shake the fear.

Just today my mother and I went to an urgent care center because I was having lower abdominal pain. They ran all the usual tests and said that I had no symptoms of appendicitis but they would keep an eye on it to make sure. (They said it was probably nothing or an ovarian cyst that would go away with time or whatever) But I can't stop thinking: what if it's cancer, what if it's appendicitis, what if I have kidney disease, WHAT IF IT'S INCURABLE AND I DIE BEFORE I CAN EVEN GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL.

I'm just so afraid constantly and I can't properly think about school or anything really because I'm constantly checking my heart rate or worrying about every ache and pain.

And the worst thing is that I know that I'm probably being irrational but it doesn't help because there are 16 year olds who get stage 4 cancer and die. There are people who don't realize they're sick until it's too late.

I just...I don't know what to do and I'm so afraid and I get to a point where I can't calm down and I can't always breath normally and I can't sit still and I just cry and cry and I feel so bad for my mom because she has to deal with it.

Is there someone else who's had this? Is there anything I can do? I go to a therapist but I don't know what to do. I'm also a really shy person and it's so hard for me to tell anyone all this in person. I always feel like I'm bothering people.

Sorry for ranting. I really needed to get all of this out.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I've always been a hypochondriac! I'd complain to my mom and she would just roll her eyes and tell me to calm down. Actually it's funny you bring up your period. When I first started mine I actually did almost bleed to death. My dad raised me and I was too embarrassed to speak up and by the time I went to a dr I was dangerously anemic and she was very alarmed at the amount of blood I was losing. I was put on the pill.

If this is something that has turned into a OCD for you then I would recommend therapy and maybe a med for anxiety when the thoughts start to panic you. I often have little chest pains from indigestion or something and I absolutely freak out. I've worked in the cardio area and have seen some young people go through some scary stuff and it definitely doesn't help my mind! Just try to calm yourself, do some breathing exercises ect. And remember that you are very young and probably very healthy! Just have your normal check ups with your doc and keep it up. Get labs done or whatever you need to calm yourself. I wish you the best of luck! (Hugs)



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[Mellon]

Yeah, I get indigestion as well (that has nothing to do with the amount of pizza I eat...no...I need to eat more veggies) and that was really the first time I properly freaked out. I felt a little (really little, looking back) pain in my chest and then my heart started racing so I was convinced that I was about to have a heart attack (nevermind that I'm 16) and I ran into my mom's room and ended up staying awake until 4 am and skipping school.

That was kinda the start and it's been 2 months now. It's kinda become habit to constantly check my heart to see how fast/strongly it's beating to the point that I've gotten a lot of "are you okay?" comments. It's just kind of habit/security, I can't really explain it.

I am going to a therapist but I haven't figured out how to talk to her because she kind of scares me (she never says anything back to me; she just sits there and stares so I don't know how to respond/continue the discussion. She also, accidentally, makes me feel like I'm annoying her)

I always go to my regular check ups, but I don't think I've ever had more anxiety than when I have to go to the doctor because my entire mind is telling me that they're going to find breast cancer or lung cancer (or worse, they'll miss it). I've had blood and urine tests done and they came back 100% normal (my cholesterol was actually lower than expected) but it doesn't seem to do anything.

Sorry for another word vomit!

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I do the same thing with my heart. I'm aLways checking the pulse in my neck. Especially when my anxiety goes crazy and it beats fast. It really scares me. I've had therapists like that! It's like "hello, you're supposed to give me input here to help right?" I'd find a new one if I were you.



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