[*Laurie*]

During the past couple of weeks I have had what I guess is a panic attack just as I'm trying to fall asleep. During the panic attacks, which were terrifying, I was consumed with the idea that God is a monster...a demon, huge and absolutely merciless. Sadistic, cruel. I have never been so frightened in my life, there was no way out of the delusion or whatever it was.

A bit of background - I have been battling severe depression and anxiety following a breakdown some months ago. I have an appointment with a new pdoc on Monday, but I'm on a number of meds and such already.

I would sure appreciate some feedback. Has anyone else experienced this type of panic? Does this sound like brain chemistry gone haywire? Please tell me that God is not really a monster.

[convalescence]

Are you extremely stressed out right now? Sometimes thoughts like that go through my head during times of extreme stress.

I have kind of experienced something similar, but it was more along the lines of existential rather than religious. Kind of like "I was made for nothing," "what am I doing taking up space on this planet?" It wasn't true nor accurate. I think this was just a result of the anxiety/depression that you've been experiencing.

Hope that you are feeling better soon!

[*Laurie*]

Thanks, convalescence.

Yeah, the experience I've had is along the lines of existentialism; it's as though nothing is right in the entire universe. The terror is entirely overwhelming.

Yesterday I actually delved into some existential stuff with the intention of looking this thing right in the face. Last night was calmer.

As for stress, it seems like I'm constantly under extreme stress.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

The question is whether or not you're believing these thoughts. It might be as serious as bordering psychosis. What is your diagnosis that you already have? Definitely bring this up with the new pdoc because an antipsychotic might be needed here. But I'm in no position to diagnose you, this is just my thought on what you're experiencing.



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Laura Beth.., (((hugs))) and i am hoping the best for you... Love