[Sakura13]

I've been away for awhile but really need to talk to some people who might be going through something similar as me. I don't get to see my psych until May 6th and can't start therapy until May 20th so in the meantime, I'm hoping to get some suggestions for coping.

I've fallen into a deep depression caused by my anxiety, I'm pretty sure. I've pinpointed the reason and I think it's because of death.

Four people I knew, one of which I was pretty close to, passed away within this past year. Four people. I've never had anyone die before so four at one time is... I don't even know what to say.

But this brought forth the realization that I'm not going to live forever and even writing this is about to send me into a panic so I'm going to leave this brief.

Those of you who have dealt with this or are dealing with this - how do you cope? How do you overcome the intense feeling of depression and anxiety over something like this?

Thank you.

[Dont_Follow]

I recommend looking up an introduction to Stoicism book on Amazon. It is an excellent philosophy that spends a lot of time talking about death and why we shouldn't fear it.

http://everything2.com/title/Stoicis...eath+and+Dying

[Skeezyks]

Hello Sakura13: I'm sorry you have lost so many people in such a short period of time. This must be very difficult. I'm an older person now. I grew up as an only child in quite an elderly family. Over the years of my childhood, I was taken to one funeral after another as each & every one of them passed away one-by-one. And then, years later, my parents passed away too... first my mother & then my father.

I have to say that, as a child, I don't really recall that I thought much about it. The funerals were just something that interrupted whatever else I happened to have going on in my young life. I don't know to what extent they may have had an impact, for better or worse, on the person I am today. I know what you're saying about the realization you're not going to live forever though. It seems as though almost every day, in the newspaper, I read about some famous person, or formerly famous person, who has died... many of them my age... some younger! It does give one pause...

I think the important thing here is to have someone to talk with about what you are feeling... perhaps a trusted friend... a therapist... or in a support group. In some way, I think one has to find some way of getting these feelings out. If they simply continue to rumble around in one's thoughts, they can begin to take on a life of their own & become stronger. There are other techniques, of course. Meditation can help. But this is a longer-term process I think. I do walking meditation & I practice a Buddhist technique called "compassionate abiding". What this entails is simply allowing what one is feeling to come up, leaning into it, breathing with it, perhaps even smiling to it, & then allowing it to dissipate at it's own pace... accepting what one is feeling... with lovingkindness & compassion. It is a technique I learned reading the works of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. But it is certainly not specific to her in particular. It takes time to get over the kind of loss you have suffered. In the meantime, I think it is important to be gentle with yourself. I wish you well...

I'm sorry for all your losses. I'm battling this too. It's so bad, I can't even talk about it. I fear that talking about specifics, will cause them to happen. (((Hugs)))

[Sakura13]

Dont_Follow: Thank you for that. I'll definitely look into it. I'm majoring in philosophy and philosophy has actually helped me get through some of my other anxieties so I'm going to take a look at that. I appreciate the help!

Skeezyks: Thank you so much. I only ever went to two funerals as a child but it never had much impact on me. Now I went to a funeral and I think what really kickstarted all of this was the fact that at said funeral we all assumed she'd be cremated but it was open-casket and it really threw me off because I already didn't handle this well. I'm hoping that I can find someone who can help me. I've found a therapist that does grief counseling so I'm thinking that's close enough to what I need help with. I totally agree about not wanting to keep it bottled up inside. It's not getting me anywhere that way but I don't have anyone I can talk to about this because those I usually do either don't understand it or are dealing with it themselves and don't want to talk about it.

ElsaMars: I'm in the same boat. I totally understand that. I have OCD and it just wreaks havoc on me in combination with this. My anxiety and depression has gotten out of control the past few months so I'm thankful I'll be starting weekly therapy soon. Hang in there, yourself, and hopefully we'll be able to get through this. (((hugs)))

[handheart]

Now 6 years i was diagnosed with tubercolosis and in the hospital i was had many pacients with hard desease : pulmonar cancer ,hard tubercolosis etc .And guess what 3 of them died from my salon after staying 4 months at this hospital .It was not easy for me i stay strong .I say to me that i will stay strong no matter what

[RachelLyn915]

Hello Sakura13,
Let me tell you my story (well the part that relates to your issue at hand), I hope this does more helping that hurting, because it involves a lot of death and struggle.

**If reading my full story will cause you even more anxiety then skip down to the part where you see more stars and it says its safe to read**

My grandmother was the first to be diagnosed with cancer, this was Summer 2008. My dad was diagnosed in April 2010, then my fiance in July 2010. All of them at one point or another, sometimes two of them at the same time had complications with their illness. My grandmother passed away on my dad's birthday in 2011, while he was having major surgery in another city 2 hours away. (And it wasn't cancer that killed her, she was beating that.)

My dad passed away in March of 2014 from Congestive Heart Failure that went undetected because they kept looking for cancer when there wasn't any -- he had beat it.

My fiance beat the first cancer occurrence, but the second took him in July 2014. His mother locked me out of our house while he was in hospice and I was too grief stricken to fight her on it. She stole everything of his, 75% of our stuff and 50% of what I had in our house. (I also had my own house which made it super easy for her to take advantage of the situation and my emotions.)

I lost two friends in February 2015, which was also craziness... one was 45 and had a massive heart attack after leaving the hospital where he found out his mom had endstage cancer and would die in a couple weeks... then she died a couple weeks later.

In the Summer of 2015, I had to cut two of my closest and oldest friends out of my life because they decided they wanted to be meth heads.

In addition to this I lost 2 dogs in 2013 (veterinary malpractice and cancer) and then another in April of 2015 (undetected congestive heart failure). And I am one of those people who isn't having kids and my pets are my kids.

**Safe to read**

My anxiety, panic attacks and health anxiety flared up (like Hurricane Katrina strength) in October 2015 when my house was foreclosed on. Coincidentally this was when I had no direct threats to worry about. Everyone in my life appears to be healthy. No money problems. Good roof over my head. No real reason to worry... so now I am worrying about getting sick and/or dying.

I cannot tell you the number of doctors i have seen in the last six months. I have had my head, heart, lungs, thyroid, ears, nose, throat, stomach, spleen, neck, and female parts checked... more than once. I cannot count the times I have had bloodwork done on my hands. I have seen a psychiatrist quite a few times. Every doctor believes me to be completely healthy. All of my symptoms are stress/anxiety related.

Now the brighter side of my story. I am doing better. I am not taking daily medications. (This week I am off track and anxious, but this week is the exception.) I started exercising, eating better, drinking more water and working (which I wasn't able to do before). I started telling myself that while I do not want to die, it would be okay. I started telling myself every time that I have a symptom that it is just anxiety and stress... just because I have a symptom doesn't mean that I have cancer or am dying. I started expressing any suppressed emotions that I have and talking more with friends and family. I found a new hobby that keeps my mind focused. I started praying and thanking god for what I have been given. I have started looking at anything bad that happens in a more positive light... I consider that it could always be worse and someone out there has it worse right now. I can also be a little egocentric, so I remind myself that their struggle does not relate to me -- its not about me. However, I do allow myself to realize that my feelings are a reaction to what I witnessed and lost and I am entitled to feel sad, but not let it plague my existence. When I have negative thoughts I try to redirect them into something positive. For example, when I starting imagining getting sick or dying, I tell myself "no" and try to imagine getting married or buying my next house or doing something that I love. Lastly, I tell myself that I will not waste time letting my anxiety about dying or being sick ruin my life while I am alive and healthy.

I hope this helps. What you are going through is hard, but I am living proof that you can make it through this! I think of anxiety recovery like recovering from addiction -- you have to take it one day at a time, its hard to kick the habit, relapse is possible but not the end of the world and there are a lot of steps involved!