[Maven]

I don't have time to post as much as I'd like, but my boyfriend and I recently moved into a new home, and as I'd expected, my OCD is going through hell here. Additionally, my panic is worse, too, because of the stress. Yesterday morning, I had something in my eye, which can trigger a panic attack when I can't get that something out, and I nearly lost it.

My boyfriend went away on a 10-day vacation, which I'm not really comfortable with. I didn't tell him, because he doesn't deal with my issues well, and I feel like such a burden on him, and we both get depressed. Anyway, he's also going away for a weekend or so next month, and another 10-day vacation for Thanksgiving. I worry about running out of things I need for my OCD, like paper towels and toilet paper, which I'm going through a lot of.

My OCD is so much worse here, because I don't like that the house was previously owned, used, touched. I know apartments are, too, but I feel cleaner about a well-cared for apartment. I can't touch the walls, doors, carpet, etc. I have to be careful what lands on the floor, because I can't pick it up. Cooking was always hard for my OCD, but it's much worse here.

I am close to being off my meds completely, which many of you know I've been going off them for over a year now. I want to try a vitamin treatment, but my boyfriend keeps putting off getting the vitamins. I knew my OCD would be worse once the meds were gone, but we hadn't planned on moving at the time I made the decision. I don't want to go back on the meds, and I am having some really good things going on that the meds prevented before, but the OCD is horrible.

I want to be on my own, away from everyone, not a burden. I want to deal with my OCD without having to worry about caring for someone else.

I have to do laundry tonight, and I'm anxious about that, because I haven't Clorox wiped the doorknobs to the cellar yet, plus I have to wipe the washer and dryer, too, before I can use them. I don't wipe like other people; I have to focus on getting every little spot, and it's tedious and stressful. And it takes a lot of time. Plus, I don't want to run out of Clorox Wipes before my bf comes home (Sunday), but I'm using a lot of them. I also have to take the trash out and take it over to the curb tonight. Plus I have to make sure the trash container is brought back before tomorrow evening. Dealing with trash is hard for me. I use things to protect my hands, but there's still the dust issue, and I can't protect all of me. I have to go through so much washing.

My eye allergies are so much worse since moving here. I really hate it. My eyes tear badly, and I use tissues to wipe them, but the lint from the tissues gets in my eyes, and then they get irritated and tear up more. I yawn, and my eyes water profusely. I wipe, they tear, the pressure of rubbing my eyes makes me yawn, and I tear up again. It's a vicious circle that keeps me from getting to sleep for a long time.

I just needed to get some things off my chest, but I really need to talk about my OCD issues, because my boyfriend and others in my life don't understand. Thank you.

[RebbieDoll]

im sorry you have to go through this, it sounds really unpleasant to say the least. i can relate some to the ocd and how time-consuming and anxious it is. i hope that getting settled in the house will help. *hugs*

[Maven]

Thanks. *HUGS*

[MountainGirl]

I'm sorry that you feel this way!! I have OCD, and we moved to a new rental home in February. It has been lived in before. I am going through some of the issues that you are facing right now, and I truly understand how frustrating it can be. If there is anything that I can do to help, please let me know.

MG

As a person that had to have EVERY single leaf off of the sidewalk, due to trick or treaters and the hours that it took me to do that... I understand your pain and the amount of time that it is taking up... I am so sorry....freewill

[AmatureBombTech]

I am so sorry about your OCD problems too hun. It's just horrible isn't it!! Mine would be bad too but the medications help me. I give you kudos for being brave enough to try out life without the meds!!!

One thing though hun about your eyes tearing up so easily...the large amounts of strong chemicals you are using to cleanse surfaces with are a huge stimulant for your eyes to tear up. I know you need to use the chemicals so at lease please use safety glasses while you are cleaning!!!

Your eyes tearing up like that are counteracting damage that the chemicals are doing from when you are cleaning. That damage will make your eyes tear when you are using the chemicals and when you aren't. The airborne fumes from chemicals are usually the most damaging to your eyes, nose and lungs. Pretty soon, the tear production becomes constant because your body doesn't know when to stop combatting irritants. It sounds like your eyes are already in that 'constant' phase. Get some safety glasses to use while you are cleansing...it should help somewhat. Please hun...take an old bio-chem's advice???? It can't hurt!!!! Your eyes are a very precious resource...what would your life be without your site???????

[pachyderm]

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Maven said:
I don't like that the house was previously owned, used, touched. I know apartments are, too, but I feel cleaner about a well-cared for apartment. I can't touch the walls, doors, carpet, etc. I have to be careful what lands on the floor, because I can't pick it up.

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Sorry for the way you feel. I suppose this won't help at all, but our bodies are made to deal with germs and things all by themselves. Just think of that automatic machine that takes care of things!

[Maven]

I only use Clorox Wipes right now, ABT. There are no fumes. I've had dry eye since I was a kid, and the eye allergies are the "price of living in South Jersey," said my eye doctor. That said, I agree, when I have cleaning supplies for cleaning the house (which will be hell, yet I really want the house clean), I should put on some safety glasses. I don't use too many chemicals because we have a bird, and chemical fumes can kill birds.

pachy, I appreciate your attempt to make me feel better, but you're right, it doesn't. For one thing, I'm not really that concerned about germs so much; I just can't stand feeling "dirty," and it isn't even just dirty in the way you understand. I can feel dirty by a table that's been used by other people, even if it were possible to clean that table so that it's 100% germ, dirt and contaminate-free. I can't explain "OCD dirty," because while it includes dirty in the sense you understand, it also includes a feeling I call dirty, even though that's not really the right word. I don't have a word for the feeling, and that's about as close as I can get. I'm not afraid I'm going to get sick or die; I just can't be dirty. I don't know how to explain it.

Thank you, freewill and MountainGirl. I appreciate your support. Life can really be hell sometimes.