[Ppoppy]

My son is 21 and he knows some days mom just stays in bed. He has a girlfriend now and isn't always reachable by phone because of this and that excuse. I have no other support system in case I have an emergency. Let me explain a bit. My husband is 23 years older than me (he is 67) and I'm always anxious that something happens to him and I have no one to turn to. I only have my two children and the older one lives far away and cannot be here in a hurry if we need help in an emergency. I also have limited access to transport as my youngest often takes my car to go out. I have huge issues with him not answering me on whatsapp. What if its an emergency? How do I explain to him that this situation sends me into a major panic attack when I can't reach him. Never mind the bipolar situation as well...

[lona3]

Maybe you can figure out a way for him to know when it's an emergency and he can't ignore you. For example say that you'll always contact him through text or Whatsapp for general communication stuff, and that you'll only call when there is a serious emergency? That way he knows that when his phone is ringing and it's you that he really needs to pick up because something serious is going on and that it's not something he can read later. Although in all honesty he should understand that this causes you distress if he knows what you are dealing with and he should just answer in general.

I think you need to try and detatch yourself from your son.

[Ppoppy]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I think you need to try and detatch yourself from your son.

I would if I could. I just don't have anyone else. We moved to a new town and I have no friends here.

[Finniky]

Have you explained to him this specific reason that you need him to answer? In case of emergencies? If you haven't, you should, and make it very clear that if an emergency occurs he must answer, and should always answer.

If he still fails to respond to you, then make an ultimatum. He uses your car a lot? Well, if he can't even be bothered to respond to you, maybe you shouldn't be bothered to let him use your things! If he gets what he needs from you within reason, You should get what you need from him that is within reason. And wanting him to answer your messages is entirely reasonable. Honestly, if he is not at work or driving he should answer the phone. If he can't, he should call you promptly when he is able to do so. It is just basic courtesy.

Once again I am of the opposite view point. Please know that my 'critique' is not meant to be hurtful and my intent really is trying to offer you some support.

Your son is not your friend nor should he be. This is a critical time in his own development and you need to be supportive of him and not vice versa. You need to be there for him. I would suggest his not being at your beck and call has everything to do with this. If he resides with you, you have no need to call him unless it is a dire emergency. You should not be dumping upon him. You should recognize he needs his independence. Again, you are a parent and not a friend.

[handheart]

well i think that you should be more autoritive with your younger child and explain him the situation that it can hapen a urge everytime and need to be more responsable .But i think you should also detach a litle by the thing that something urge will happen ,it sgood that you are a [recaut women but being to much will feed your anxiety

[Trippin2.0]

Well has something serious actually happened and he blatantly ignored your call?


Because if not, I'm sure the earlier suggestion of "if I call its important, texts however can wait" is a good rule of thumb to communicate with him.


If he is however ignoring you consistently, when you clearly need him not to, then the logical solution is to not let him drive around in your car all Willy Nilly.


You need it, he doesn't, its all quite simple.


He's traipsing around entertaining a girl, they can use a bus or a taxi, same as other people who don't have their own vehicles.

To put a positive spin on this it is nice that you can communicate with your adult son but I reiterate that you should not be dependent upon him.

So, this means branching out and finding aquaintances. I have a few ideas on this. One is to turn to your mental health community. Contact the local association or office. Many host drop in activities in addition to support groups where you ccan meet like minded - and supportive - individuals. They can also point you in the direction of other groups and resources. I find my volunteering (at a museum) provides me opportunity to meet people and socialize. In additon, my boyfriend has included me in some of his activities where I have met my own aquaintances. Finally, I found great enjoyment when I took a pottery class.

The point is that there are ways to meet new people and if you are proactive it will happen.

As for your son. While it is a case of your house your rules you need to avoid the temptation to meddle and expect him to be a friend. You are the adult and he is (still) the child.

I'm of the opinion that if a youth isn't going to school they ought to be working - and paying rent. You hold the power here.