[ramonajones]

My depression and panic kicked off a little over three years ago when I was rejected from this group that I belonged to. Even after all of this time, I think about the people in the group and the relationships and opportunities that I lost hundreds and hundreds of times a day. I wake up thinking about it every morning. I have tried five different medications and zoloft has helped with the panic, but that's all. I can't seem to let go of this past rejection.

I go to regular psychotherapy--twice a week--just added a third with a second therapist, psychiatrist once a month. I've tried CBT workbooks, meditation and mindfulness, yoga, acupuncture, aromatherapy, reiki and biofeedback and I'm still haunted by these obsessive thoughts for most of the day. They are worst in the morning and sometimes shut off in the afternoon--other times, like today, the go all day with no relief.

Has anyone experienced this, and do you have any suggestions for what worked for you?

[so_punk_rock]

I'm sorry you were rejected. Is it okay to ask why you think they rejected you? Maybe you can find a new group of people that share your interests. I know that will be hard. If people don't treat you right or if they reject you, maybe you don't need them in your life anyways. I haven't experienced being ostracized by a whole group of people but just imagining if I did I would probably be obsessing about it too. I would just try to tell myself positive things like "I feel hurt by the rejection but its okay, I'm still worthy of love and acceptance from people and I'll make new relationships and keep positive people in my life." I have had a therapist though that I really grew comfortable with and depended on. She stopped seeing me abruptly and moved to a different facility. I felt rejected and abandoned for a while. Eventually I began to think of it rationally and understood It may have been draining working with me so closely and for that reason she had to move on. The whole "positive self talk" and rationalizing coping skills may not work if you've tried all these other things but it's always good to at least give it a try. I hope you can find ways of dealing with the anxiety that works for you. Hope you feel better.

I do have obsessive thoughts. They were significantly reduced by the combination of CBT and Citalopram.

[TishaBuv]

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I obsess like you described, too. I just let myself obsess and it usually runs its course. If you let yourself relax and just think about whatever you need to, it's the mind's way of healing. Eventually, you'll come to some kind of realization, and the obsessing may go away or change to something else.

Just my thoughts on it.

[PandorasAquarium]

I wonder if you have the closure you need. For instance, I have been rejected more times than I want to count and some haunt me more than others. Like a lot more. I've obsessed over why that is. Why does one rejection bother me while another I can just shrug off. I think it's closure for me. For example my in-laws turned on me like a pack of wolves (seriously, bloodshed). That was 2 years ago and it bugs me to no end. I even moderately understand "why" they did, not that it was an acceptable, humane, or even a remotely logical reason, but it is a reason nonetheless. The problem is that the reason makes zero sense. They lie a lot, so my DH and I had to formulate our own hypothesis from a lot of hindsight evidence and the remnants of failed family councelling. But, I have no closure. The rejection came out of left field for me and it was like meet the Hyde's. Cést la vie, I guess. There's nothing else I can do.

Something else to consider is that social rejection is basically the ultimate punishment. There's some interesting research on how ostracism messes with every aspect of a person, including making their brains sense real pain signals. I theorize (and I am no doctor here, just a person who's had her share of rejection) that some of those emotional and mental wounds are worse than almost any physical. The reason being, once the rejection occurs, it makes your body release hormones, which in a more primative society would likely encourage us to behave one of 2 ways. 1) The hormone inspires us to reengage with those who rejected us and seek reentry into their group. If that fails... 2) We internalize and withdraw. Which then perpetuates the cycle of pain and self-flagellation.

In terms of primative survival, these responses would mean life or death, as humans need a community to thrive. We either seek to be accepted or we withdraw to essentially lick or wounds and hopefully find another "community" which will accept us. Nowadays, we don't have the same survival needs, but our bodies don't know that. We still have the cortisol and other hormone release with the rejection. The trouble begins when we can't get the pain and trauma under control. The damage is still there, the chemicals in our bodies are still being released, and now we're all off kilter, physically and emotionally.

How to get back in balance is something I wish I could tell you how to do. Heck, I wish someone would tell me. It sounds like you are doing a lot of things right, but for whatever reason, your subconscious just hasn't worked thru the whole thing yet. Keep working on it. You'll get to that elusive acceptance and move on with your life in a healthy way. I know that's what I'm trying to do. When I think of the pain and confusion of the rejection, I remind myself that now I have a much more clear view of the proverbial forest for the trees. I know that I am better off outside of that toxic group of people, regardless of how I might wish things were different. It is what it is. I can't change it, so I just keep on moving every day, developing stronger relationships with others, and especially with myself.

Sorry this was long. Maybe some of my rambling will help give you a new perspective. Maybe not. Google can show you lots of scholarly articles on the effects of ostracism and rejection that may help you if you're the type that likes to dissect and analyze things (aka overthink) like me. It helped me a lot.

Anyway, I'm so sorry you were treated this way. It's not humane at all.

[BLUEDOVE]

Hi Ramona,
I was like that for 30yrs.over children, who guided by
their M would not have anything to do with me. Then I read a
about the "whole of,part of,error". Which is,they were only a
PART of my life,NOT the bloody WHOLE OF IT!
Its like being obsessed with one musical instrument,and ignoring
the rest of the symphony of life!
Kindness,
BLUEDOVE

[Anonymous37919]

@ramonajones, I know how you feel. I too have been rejected, and after a while, it shatters your confidence. Now I don't even try to impress anybody. I never really go out except for little errands. I don't even go on pointless dating sites to message girls, because they're all just after your money (those who manage the site) and the girls, too. I'm not sure what to say anyway.