Anxiety that I accidentally make people feel obligated

I fear that people will talk to me or hang out with me out of obligation. Not because they want to, but because they feel like they have to either because they feel sorry for me or for some other social obligation, or even out of boredom. As weird as it sounds, I fear people being around me out of obligation more than I fear rejection. I actually rather be rejected because at least the person is being honest.

Rejection hurts, but at least the person is letting you know they don't want to talk to me, or at the very least, be okay with talking to me but not wanting to be friends. Feeling obligated, on the other hand, they could be secretly wishing they were not with me without my knowledge. I've had past experiences like this where people have hung out with me or invited me out of obligation, only to find out later that I was never wanted around and they were just being polite.

One person way back even got extremely mad at me because while I was trying to build a friendship, she secretly wanted nothing to do with me but she pretended to be my friend. Eventually she snapped and called me a clingy person and creepy since she thought I couldn't take a hint, when in fact, I thought she actually liked me. It was my fault I didn't notice the signs, but I still wish she had said something. I am now way more cautious when meeting new people.

Ever since those incidents happened, I am extremely anxious that people are secretly not wanting to be around me and are brewing with resentment inside themselves since they may be feeling trapped. I go as far now as to constantly watch out for signs of someone feeling trapped or not wanting to be with me. Maybe it is dumb but if I see someone acting the same way as one of those people in the past did, I immediately back off since I feel like they may be wishing I would leave them alone.

I'm in the same boat as you are, but I want to let you know that the friendships that do turn out to be fake or based only in obligation are not your fault. You, like every other living being, crave and deserve attention and affection. There will be people who are happy to give you that, and there will be people who give you that out of selfishness or other means, but you are not the cause of whatever they end up doing. No one person is ever the entire reason for a fallout unless they are abusive or cut someone off completely without discussing it.

Someone didn't really click with you but they didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying so? There might have been problems on your side and theirs that can't usually be solved in new relationships anyway, so it's nothing to feel guilty about. Hopefully in the future the other party will pick up on the fact that you'd rather be told the honest truth than be lead on.

A girl snapped at you for being clingy when she was the one fostering the relationship? She is absolutely the one at fault there. She had the choice to not pretend like she liked you, to leave sooner, to not insult you and make herself out to be the victim. You were nice, you wanted to be her friend, and unless you did anything truly invasive or aggressive there was no good reason for her to make you feel bad.

You can't be at fault for not noticing "signs." Some people don't clearly show or tell how they feel, and some people don't pick up on how others feel, but since it isn't controllable you cannot be blamed for it.

Think about it this way- say someone buys you a new car that is a model you've never seen before and they take away all other methods of transportation you have. The symbols on the dash are unfamiliar, so you don't know when to change the oil or something like that. Is it your fault for not having googled this random vehicle on a whim in the past, or is it their fault for not explaining the car they gave you?

If the people you want to be friends with don't communicate well, it isn't your fault if things don't work out, though you have to be careful about backing away without warning. It is admirable and maybe advisable that you brush up on body language and hints and all that, but along with that, you might have to ask outright how people feel. If they say they do like you but later turn out to be lying, you would not have been the problem because you did your part in the relationship as best you could and at least tried to talk about it.

Everything you said makes sense, I agree. Especially the situation with the girl snapping. I feel like she was just being a coward and had to wait until the last day of school before summer to tell me how she really felt. She definitely had problems. Yeah I have become better with reading body language but still not perfect. I am getting better at it though. I also pay attention to clues when someone has a change of heart.

Out of all of these situations, plus a few others that are not as bad, the one with the girl had the most profound affect since she went as far as to call me clingy and creepy and I fear that if someone is around me out of obligation, they will find me clingy and creepy as well. Yeah I never did anything evasive. I was just maintaining, what I thought, was a friendship even though it turned out it wasn't one in her mind.

This is exactly why I'm estranged from my family. I'm rejected by such a large swath of humanity that I can't help but assume my extended family would accept me out of pure obligation...especially those that married in.

Same here. Yeah especially if it is someone who married in and barely know in the first place. In my opinion, they are most likely doing things out of obligation. Yeah I am really careful now when it comes to meeting new people and reading their intentions.

Also the fact that I have been rejected by people who felt obligated to associate with me makes me wonder if people do it to others as well more so than most people realize. Just the fact that not everyone is a true friend probably means that people are more likely to associate with others out of obligation. That is why I hate asking or accepting favors, I feel like people are secretly expecting a no thanks.

Oh no doubt. The difference is that people with healthy self esteem don't care because they don't feel disproportionally affected.