Trying to stay strong

Just came along to vent. It's been a very rough 2 weeks.

My health anxiety culminated last week in a wicked panic attack that seemed to last several hours, and I desperately took a 1mg lorazepam to get to sleep because i was so worried about being sleep deprived at work (especially because it was an important week). I had more anxiety/sleep problems so I took this med 3 more days in a row... then tried to stop and had a rough weekend, not much sleep (but some). I ended up taking it again Monday and slept, and took it tuesday but didn't sleep as much.. now I vow to be done with it, but I am so scared of possible withdrawal symptoms. Many different people are telling me not to worry, that I didn't take it long enough for dependence, but I feel very zonked - I should also mention my Dr just restarted me on beta blockers and zoloft in the midst of all this, so my system is in shock! It's night 3 and not taking the benzo.. My dr prescribed me trazodone for sleep but it hasn't really worked the past 2 nights, other than make me feel sedated, so tonight I'm trying to sleep without it. I've managed to lull myself into a sleep through just focusing on breathing the past few nights... even though I didn't get much sleep, it was better than nothing. I want to try going without any sleep aid tonight and just see how I do.

My head hurts, I have sinus pressure, and I feel "off." I am terrified this is benzo withdrawal! I'm sure my thoughts about it aren't making this any better for myself.

I feel like I'm in survival mode.. just get through the day. The thing is, the zoloft is working in the sense that my health anxiety seems to be getting better.. and I went to 2 different new doctors this week for conditions I've been dealing with, I loved the doctors and found them very reassuring, and even before then, stopped worrying about the health conditions. Right now, all my worry is concentrated on my SLEEP. My anxiety does this, it switches from problem to problem and when it takes hold, it's hard to grapple it off. For a while I had anxiety about heart problems, then it was another health issue. Now I have anxiety about the fact that I used benzos the past week, and possibly having severe withdrawal, PLUS the insomnia. I just really get myself worked up!

I am talking to people close to me about this... husband, best friend, Mom, other close friends, etc... and doing my best to get outside in the sun and walk when I can. I am hoping my body is just re-adjusting to re-starting meds and also all the stress its been through the past few weeks. It has been TOUGH. I feel like I've lost interest in "the outside world" so to speak. I manage to get to work and do daily responsibilities, but I'm not as into social media and current events like I used to. I'm just trying to survive, and I'm still consumed by thoughts about suffering and health issues... hoping zoloft really helps soon. I see my therapist next week and I've been getting acupuncture, which helps also.

Wow, that was long and wordy. Thank you for reading. Health anxiety is rough.

I dont know if if will help you but try also meditation .For me it helped me a litle as it calms my brain and my mind and awaken my spirit

Oh yes! definitely I do mindfulness meditations and other meditations too. I need to get back into a routine.