I am experiencing a massive anxiety attack. I am a teacher and am going back to school next week. I love the kids, but am terrified of the parents (I have social phobia). My T tells me that my fear is a reaction to my anxiety, not to a real danger. Even though I know this to be true, it does not allay my fears. I have Open House this week and am terrified! My T told me to go to it, but I desperately want to avoid it. If I do go, I know I will be out of breath while speaking, etc., which will make me even more afraid. Unfortunately, you can't really face these type of fears in therapy (or other controlled setting). Any suggestions would be much appreciated!

[Soidhonia]

Hello Soliaree. I am sorry that you are struggling at this time. Have you tried experimenting with public speaking at home. Such as writing certain things down that you would like to say to others to make yourself known. such as Mrs Smith says Hello how are you today? for example, then you can pretend that you are talking to Mrs Smith and then a lot of the panic is unnecessary because you have already had the experience with Mrs Smith or any other female asking the same question in the future. A lot of the panic comes from the surprise of the moment. When I am in a crowd of people I dont know I just say Hello and move on but at least I spoke to someone. The main prnciple of the practice is speaking and moving on to the next person, or situation to help kee the panic at a minimum. staying in one spot toolong is generally the trigger for social anxiety, and feeling safe enough to move to another person. Practicing saying things in private will help you from getting caught up in the surprise of not knowing what to say. Also I take meds when I have to go out and feel the need to be extra calm. It sounds silly somewhat I know but it truly helps, I have done this for years mentally to help prepare myself for when I have to give speeches in public and it has helped greatly with the panic and anxiety. I hope things get better for you. Take care. Soidhonia

[pachyderm]

Listening is good. The parents probably won't have a clue what is going on inside you.

[debbie_tabor]

On a purely practical level, beta-blockers get rid of the physical effects like pounding heart and being out of breath, which in turn reduces the anxiety about not being able to talk.

Thank you for your replies, folks! It's nice to know that someone cares and understands.

Soidhonia,
I've never thought of the fact that staying in a spot for too long can be a trigger for social anxiety. That's interesting! I can see how that is true!
Okay, maybe I can practice my Open House speech in front of my husband and daughter and see if this helps.
I'll be taking Ativan which does help calm me down (but, somehow, doesn't stop me from worrying about things like this weeks before it happens). The worst part is when I feel like I can't breathe and when my mind goes "totally blank" when asked the simplest of questions. Ugggghhhh! It can be soooo frustrating!

Pacyderm,
I agree about the listening part! Unfortunately, instead of being able to fully listen to the parents my brain is wondering what question will come up next, will I be able to answer it, exactly how stupid do I look, do they notice that I can't catch my breath or that I can't speak smoothly, do they notice that I am bright red?? I know I need to change these thoughts but have yet succeeded in doing so. It is so hard to try to remain calm while you are with a group of people and trying to answer questions.

Debbie Tabor,
I take Ativan and beta blockers before doing things like this. I think they actually help me at the time, but the anticipatory anxiety feels excruciating at times.

Thanks!

[sabby]

Solairee

So sorry that you are anxious about all this right now. I can well imagine how difficult it is for you. You have gotten some really great ideas from the previous posters.

As far as dealing with your anxiety up until the meeting, there are lots of things you can do. When you find yourself thinking about the fear, go out for a walk...use a walkman and listen to some inspirational music (or whatever you like that is calming). You can excercise...jog, run in place, or even garden. As soon as you feel the feeling coming over you, busy yourself with something else to take your mind off the fear that is nagging at you.

I like to be prepared when I have to speak in front of folks. I have that phobia too. I will write down points I want to make to people and possible questions they will ask, then I come up with my answers and I practice speaking in front of a mirror so I can work on my facial expressions. I am also really good at using humor to break the ice, not only with other folks, but mostly for myself. Even if I have to use myself as the reason for the humor....it helps a lot. Like I'll say to folks, "Ok, I'm really nervous and I know I'm going to speak in circles at some point. If someone can boot me in the right direction now and again, I'd really appreciate it!" It usually brings a giggle and the ice is broken.

I've found that it's not necessarily a bad thing to let folks know that you are nervous and having a difficult time. That way, they go away with the knowledge that you have reached out to them and explained why you may be red in the face and they aren't assuming things that are incorrect.
You could also write out a short syllabus of what you will be teaching throughout the school year that you can refer the parents to when they have questions. That would give you the opportunity to shorten some of the "talk" time

I wish you well and I know you will be fine...we always seem to get through those times we dread the most when we push forward through the fears.

Take good care!

Hugsss
sabby

Sabau2,
Thanks for all of your help! I do feel a little bit more in control today than I did yesterday
Take care!

[xd42]

If public speaking is part of your anxiety, there is a group called Toastmasters that allows you to learn and practice public speaking in a supportive environment. Part of what you practice is impromptu speeches, which might be good practice for those "mind goes blank" moments you describe with the parents. Unfortunately, this won't help you for Monday specifically but for future years perhaps.

I hope things go well for you. Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that you're not speaking to a hostile crowd. You're their children's teacher and they want to and will like you. No need to be nervous when you're speaking with friends.

Okay, I'll have to see if they have Toastmasters in my area. To be honest, though, just joining a group would cause a lot of anxiety in and of itself. But, I know that's what I need to do

You're right that I won't be speaking to a hostile crowd. This is really weird, but I always get more nervous in front of people who I know respect me and understand my nervousness. I have had a few meetings with disgruntled parents over the years but have been completely at ease with them. One of my strengths is in calming down upset people and showing them that I care by trying to understand where the problem lies. I really don't understand myself???

Thanks xd42!

[debbie_tabor]

Good luck next week. When I have to stand next to my poster at science conferences it's all I can do to not run away. I'd be the same as you.

If you went to toastmasters on a regular basis, maybe you could work through the anxiety of being there, just by getting used to it, and that could translate to your teachers meetings....