Here I am with not only a holiday today but 2 vacation days and a weekend too. I am so fortunate to have a nice block of time off.

I cannot relax. I have a mammogram tomorrow morning and then in the afternoon I'm taking the cat to the vet to update vaccinations and rabies tag. Normally these are huge tasks because I don't have a car to I have to bus and walk to get where I need to go or ask for a ride or borrow a car or rent a car. This week I have use of my relatives car while she and her husband are out of town.

I have books to read, needlepoint and crochet projects to enjoy, have a pool in my complex, and live 5 miles from the beach. I have grocery shopped and the 'fridge is full enough.

I have time to do whatever I want to do. But I can't relax and enjoy anything for very long.

This is one aspect of my anxiety, the one other than the part where I worry about the never-ending list of 'what if's' , or the part where I'm convinced everyone is leaving me or I've driven everyone away and makes me pace the floor, or the part that makes me not want to eat, or the part that makes me shovel food as fast as aI can.

I feel locked in my apartment yet I am really choosing to be locked in here.

Why can't I just relax? !

[pegasus]

Takes practice to 'learn' how to relax.

I hope you manage to do something nice for yourself, even if it's just sitting in the garden for half an hour.

Hugs (((((((( ECHOES ))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

what if's are the worst

Have you been swimming today? ((((((((((((((( ECHOES ))))))))))))))))

[sabby]

pegasus is right! For so long we have learned and practiced our ways of hiding out and finding excuses for not letting ourselves just "be". It takes time to re-learn things.

Maybe you can make a list of things to do for YOU like you have a list of responsibilities to accomplish. When you have a day free to do whatever you want, bring out that "YOU" list and work on that instead of looking at the other list. Don't know if it will work, but it's worth a try! Good luck hon.

Hugsssss
J