I am on disability assistance. I do what I can to manage. It is something I at times have had to defend.

I also avoid having people over...

The problem? I am ashamed of how I live.

I wonder how you others deal with this. Indeed, do you even feel this way at times?

I couldn't avoid volunteering. It's been my turn for months now. My art and coffee chums are due in a matter of hours for an afternoon of creativity. They have done very well for themselves. One even has a very large manse in the country.

And so, here I am pulling out all the coping mechanisms in my CBT toolbox. I feel unpleasantly sick to my stomach. I've even considered cancelling.

Nervous and ashamed.

[*Laurie*]

Yes, I understand. I have a long-time (life-long) friend I so want to visit with. She has a cute new car and my car is a '92 beater. It barely runs. I've been avoiding getting together with her because I'm afraid she'll see my car.

That said, I really don't think quality people judge us harshly. People are busy thinking about their own stuff.

I hope your get-together goes well.

[Unrigged64072835]

I have a friend like that. I haven't talked to her in months. She's going back to school even though she doesn't need to. I groan whenever I see her posts on Facebook. I'm thinking of dropping her because we have nothing in common anymore.

[winter4me]

I have had this problem, some times more than others.....did find in reality that it didn't matter much to others....at least others that mattered to me....
Let us know how it went!!!!

Yes, it shouldn't matter to us but to a great many of us I'm sure it does.

In the end, one showed up. She walked in and I could tell she was surprised somewhat; and a bit relieved. My building exterior really does give the impression of shabbyness. Fortunately my suite has had a recent update. Still, I felt awkward. She said nothing other than that perhaps we ought to meet at her place from now on mumbling that it was bigger. I was a little bit hurt. At least she really seemed to like all the artwork and photography I have.

[*Laurie*]

Well, in the end...good for you for opening up your home and heart!

Even when my house was clean and I worked, I couldn't let people in. Then I decided to do it and it backfired and I was judged plus much worse. I'm not making that mistake again.

My inlaws offered to get my husband and I a house cleaner but I cannot let anyone in my house for various reasons. people are very judgemental and I've got one foot in the grave already. My house is a shell to dwell in until I am blessed enough to be free of this body. Nobody needs to be in here. Fortunately, I no longer want them here anyways.