[BlueMoonBlueEarth]

Last time I posted here about a month ago, I went to the School & Study Issues part of the forums and ranted about an overly-strict teacher I had from eight years ago who caused me and my other classmates a lot of suffering. They've likely shrugged and moved on since then, but I never have. I guess I wanted to 'let it all out', but now I feel really bad about doing so. What I feel particularly guilty for is revealing the teacher's name in that post and why I did it. I revealed their name because I wanted to humiliate them, to let them know the pain they have caused me. I wanted to give them pain, and receive vengeance.

It completely backfired, and all I'm left with is emptiness and guilt.

In the end, I was too afraid to even check if I got any replies, let alone read them. This has happened many times during my time here. I post something, then am too afraid of negative feedback or even criticism to read the replies, then feel like a complete coward. I'm not sure if having feelings invalidated many times in childhood counts as trauma, but if there's any reason why I feel so afraid, that must be it.

I probably will be too scared to read the replies here, too. Maybe I should just leave the site.

[TishaBuv]

I’ve felt the same way about fear of reading replies. I suspect the replies are going to be criticizing of me, and I know it’s going to trigger me. I think about it before reading. I ask myself if I want to read the replies because I fear they will cause me an ‘emotional attack’. Then I decide to read them.

Yet, a moment before I jump in, I say to myself that I must be a glutton for punishment. I must be a massochist who wants to be triggered. And I am torn between being bold and brave and being ashamed of my self destructive traits.

Then I always read the replies because curiousity gets the best of me. I can’t resist.

Sometimes the comments trigger me sometimes they don’t, and they are helpful.

So, no risk, no gain.

[CepheidVariable]

I was pretty nervous at first, even though I had no intention of posting anything identifying. So I certainly empathize.

Practice has helped. A generally supportive community has really helped.

Speaking of which, there is TishaBuv who was friendly and encouraging in response to one of my earlier harmless but quite silly posts in this very subforum.

I guess I tend to front-load my anxiety by carefully vetting and editing my posts before I hit submit. But I shouldn't worry so much. We all make mistakes. We've all said things we later regret.

How about a friendly hug?

(You see, now I'm going to fret over being too sappy )

[Sunflower123]

I hope you read this. Keep posting! Maybe you’ll overcome your fear of reading the replies. You’ll find that most of the people on this site are caring and supportive. Best wishes.

[FallDuskTrain]

I agree with Jennifer1967. Keep posting. And yes, most people on PC are caring and very wise. However, please always be ready to hear an opposing view that might potentially challenge your current thinking.
The thing is if I initiate a discussion on a site and reveal something about myself, I need to be ready to hear opposing views. Not everyone will tell me what I want to hear. And that is a challenge we should all embrace.

[Astrada]

Know you are not alone. I'm sure many of us feel that sometimes. Take care.

[All Is Revealed]

Originally Posted by Astrada

Know you are not alone. I'm sure many of us feel that sometimes. Take care.

Most of us do. We need to remind ourselves that PC was created so we can support one another. Criticism is not why we're here. We're here to listen and understand each other.

[LittleButterflyx]

I want you to know you are not alone in that. I often times will not look at replies to text messages in fear of what could be said.

And coming on here, I was scared to see what some of the responses could have been. Also other sites I just always get nervous wondering what people will say to me so I really understand where you are coming from.

And honestly, you don't need to leave the site, reading stuff here and just expressing are good even if you can't read replies. Alright?