[rodza_sky]

Hi guys, i think i'll create a separate thread instead of bumping my old one, but you can find it here https://forums.psychcentral.com/schi...d-dub-qna.html

Long story short
Basically i am an anxious person with current health anixiety that dramatically increased with the death of my mother, i have gone through multiple fears of different diseases and at some point i started thinking "what if what i have is a schiz and my hypochondriac fears are delusions"? Ever since then i was super scared of Schiz. It took me a lot of googling to figure it out, but i had a basic understanding of what i have and why my condition is at least questionable to call schiz
I've read a lot of articles and posted on a lot of fourms until i found one where i consulted with a supposed certified specialist (it was online, so who knows how professional he is) who told me that i definitely just have anixiety. So whatever, right i kinda calmed down

Later on, few weeks ago i learned that my biological father with whom i don't live was diagnosed with F20 Schiz. He was diagnosed around the age of 43, plus minus. So now i am super afraid of inheriting the disease

And talking to that doctor guy, i've figured that what i've had were definitely not delusions, since in the condition the believes are so severe that people are given the medicine to get rid of them, which i definitely dont need. There are other ways to convince me i was wrong.
After i told that doc guy "yeah, thanks, i feel better about delusions now" he said that i am in the hypochondrical cycle and that i will soon find something else to worry about, and there it goes.

Literally the next day i first started thinking of unusual believes and then started suspecting i was hearing voices. 4 days ago i was 100% sure that i've had no voices Over the last 3 days i've had 2 incidences, both of which could be explained by something else, since i was not completely alone.

I work retail and the day before yesterday when closing and looking if everyone left, in the supposedly empty of customers store for a second i thought i've heard voices somewhere far away, like some sort of murmur and it felt like "ah, what was that?",like when you though you heard something for a sec, but unsure what was that. But i was super tired (after an 8 hour shift) and there was lots of noise in the building, such as conditioner, radio, animals screaming (i work at petco) and it later turned out that there were janitors in the building who maybe were talking to each other. And later on i tested and it turned out that i could recreate the exact same sound in my head and stop it whenever i want by another thought or by starting doing something else and thinking about it, so maybe it even was myself thinking of what to look, imagining it and getting scared of my own imagination for a second since i was super tired and not thinking straight

The second case was yesterday, and it would be also possible to explained by something else. I was ringing the person up and i've heard someone say "s**t!" right by my ear, like not addressing me, but like if someone said it to themselves/ the sound was coming from outside and was not inside of my head and it was coming from the direction of a person standing by me and there were 2 more people within my hand reach who could've said it. I did ask my coworker about it later on (and looked very stupid btw) but he said he heard nothing, but also he maybe didnt even get what i was talking about or he maybe wasnt paying attention, whatever. So that could be explained by assuming that some of the people that stood close to me had said it and from what i understood, its more common for schizophrenics to hear voices inside their head.

So what i wanted to know is, if there is no clear evidence that there is a voice in my head and what i hear could be explained by something else, i shouldn't yet be bothered by it right or at least not assume that what i have are the voices? Meaning if i was sitting alone and had a voice is one thing, but another is when there is at least semi-reasonable explanation right? How do people feel their voices?

Also there is a thing of me now expecting a voice to pop up at some point and i am super afraid.

Thanks, i've been trying to look for a specialist, but received no responses yet

[Mbrasil]

I’m in the same boat right now. It’s very daunting and scary. I’ve been getting intrusive thoughts and feel like I’m going to wake up one morning and just be psychotic

[rodza_sky]

Originally Posted by Mbrasil

I’m in the same boat right now. It’s very daunting and scary. I’ve been getting intrusive thoughts and feel like I’m going to wake up one morning and just be psychotic

Well from what i've figured you can't go from neurotic to psychotic
You can develop it independently though due to factors such as genetics, drug abuse and just simple random "luck"

I am at higher risk of schiz inheritence and as i said i've been super afraid. I was lucky enough to not try pot until the age of 19 and i didn't do it that much over my lifetime, now im done with it forever. But if i tried it earlier, it would've been worse for me

Like i realize that it is unlikely that i've experienced first real symptoms of schiz just after i got one of my major fears out of the way, especially since i've never had voices before, but still i feel uneasy and expect them to pop up any moment. And even if i did develop schiz, it would be not because of my anixiety, but because of other factors (genetics, etc) and the disease would've already been there for some time i guess without showing up in any other major way, since what i had were definitely not delusions... I don't freaking know man...

I also freak out whenever i mistake one object for another. Like at work (as i said i work at animal store and we get loads of animals coming in) i am sitting down, working on boxes and i thought that i saw a dog walking with my side vision, but it were someone's shoes moving in the same manner. Any normal person would brush it off, but for me it is "Am i hallucinating?" same thing with voices, any normal person would forget about them immediately, but i get hung up on thinking about how i may be schiz and all..

[Mbrasil]

Same! I’ll be sitting at work and will question everything. Like was that a real noise I heard out there or am I hearing things or I’ll fumble over the keyboard and be like why is this happening am I bout to schiz out I have trouble in the moment comprehending things because I’m not really paying attention but yea sounds like we are having a lot of the same stuff. You on any meds?

[rodza_sky]

Originally Posted by Mbrasil

Same! I’ll be sitting at work and will question everything. Like was that a real noise I heard out there or am I hearing things or I’ll fumble over the keyboard and be like why is this happening am I bout to schiz out I have trouble in the moment comprehending things because I’m not really paying attention but yea sounds like we are having a lot of the same stuff. You on any meds?

Nope, i dont take anything
The deal with schiz is that it will basically ruin my life, i will be super lucky to hold even the retail job and be able to finish my education

And with all those worries i feel like i lack motivation to do anything. Like when i was worried about cancer, i've only wanted to just watch movies or lay in bed. I can't force myself to do something.. Well i mean, i still want and do go out when i can, but it's hard for me to do something chore-like... I can't force myself to practice an instrument or draw.. I always feel like "well im done for, why bother" but at times my anixiety lets me off and i feel normal. My health fears feel insignificant and i can do things i want to do creatively.
At work i get easily distracted and concentrate poorly on my job because i always have the disease on my mind
Today i was off my work and it's 8pm and i was fine so far, no voices or anything... I mean i don't think ive heard anything aside from like a knock downstairs, but again there is still way to explain it rationally

[Sunflower123]

Good luck finding a specialist to give you an evaluation. I hope you get to the bottom of it. Best wishes.

[Mbrasil]

Don’t hesitate to seek help from a dr. As weird as you feel and think “they will think I’m crazy” in all reality we are very sane compared to most. I work in LE and trust me I see It all the time. And I feel your struggle with the whole work thing

[DowdyTheFifth]

For me I have Psychotic Depression, so it is not Psychosis or Schizophrenia. During my episodes, I typically hear screams, mumbled conversations, tall figures, some random words. For me I would be bothered by any hallucination probably just because of my crippling anxiety. I believe they were hallucinations 100%, and I personally do not have any issue with having experienced them. It's just another part of life for me. What has helped my psychotic symptoms the most was Seroquel. Seroquel has completely rid me of my psychotic symptoms, as well as my depression. I do have side effects from Seroquel, but I guess it is worth it. Best of luck to you in getting the proper diagnosis, I know that was very important for me to receive.