[Melodysmooth]

Hey all,
so I notice something is wrong and I want to fix this. No, this isn't some "Amityville" type of story. But, it does make me feel very bad about myself. I think as a child I had a strong fear of death. My parents were over protective and I would constantly fear anything that would harm me or the ones I loved, because I feared this I would then constantly think about it..I wasn't depressed, but it did make me feel sad when I did think things like so. For instance, I would constantly think about my parents dying and how I wouldn't be able to cope with that happening.

As an adult, I am getting other types of thoughts every now and then. It's hard to explain but I would think and say things I would never ever want to happen at all. Like, If I thought about my parents I would randomly say "I hope they die" but that is exactly what I DON'T want to happen! I don't know where that thought is coming from, I will never wish or hope anything like that upon a loved one. And at first, I ignored it because it's not something I EVER said out loud so it's all in my head, I thought to myself well maybe it's because that's exactly what I fear so much so my mind thinks about the opposite in a form of anxiety? I don't know. I didn't worry about it because of course I would never act upon that and I accepted that sometimes our minds say crazy things but that isn't who we are or what believe.

But then, I said it once about my daughter and I felt terrible. No, I don't have thoughts of hurting my children or anything.. It's not something I wish, to happen I am afraid so afraid of it happening. And even worse, I don't want to attract anything negative! I promise I am a kind hearted person, I don't even have any bad habit or behaviors.

It's not something that is driving me crazy, it's literally a random negative thought or saying in my head that sometimes I cannot control. So, I would then say (as stupid as it sounds).. "I hope ____ dies.. dyes their hair" because God knows I don't even mean that. Maybe, it's just fear and anxiety but how can I forgive myself for even thinking something like that.

My question is, how stop these negative thoughts/sayings. The same thing would happen to me with driving at first, and sometimes even now.. I was afraid of driving and it sort of turned into a phobia and I feared it so I would constantly think of all the bad things that can happen. But i never said "I hope I die" I would just think of me crashing etc, which is understandable if it's a phobia. I just don't know where the "I hope__ dies" comes from, anxiety?

[Skeezyks]

I have a lot of these kinds of intrusive thoughts. Yes... I presume they are the result of anxiety (which I have a lot of!) I don't believe there is any way to stop them. There is only acceptance of them... "compassionate abiding" is how it's referred to in the Buddhist literature. Perhaps you're familiar with it? If not, here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

I suppose this could also be viewed as a form of "Pure O"... (obsessive compulsive disorder.) Family therapist Kati Morton uploaded a video onto her YouTube channel on the topic of Pure O. Here's a link to that video:

Hope something in these resources will be of benefit...

[Melodysmooth]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

I have a lot of these kinds of intrusive thoughts. Yes... I presume they are the result of anxiety (which I have a lot of!) I don't believe there is any way to stop them. There is only acceptance of them... "compassionate abiding" is how it's referred to in the Buddhist literature. Perhaps you're familiar with it? If not, here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

I suppose this could also be viewed as a form of "Pure O"... (obsessive compulsive disorder.) Family therapist Kati Morton uploaded a video onto her YouTube channel on the topic of Pure O. Here's a link to that video:

Hope something in these resources will be of benefit...

Thank you! I will check out the links. Yeah I am almost sure it's linked to anxiety/ocd of some sort.

[DowdyTheFifth]

I agree with Skeeyks. You cannot stop the intrusive thoughts until your mood gets better. I cannot stop thinking about death, even though I know I won't act upon any of my thoughts. I wind up thinking about my own death a lot, but it does not make me feel down about myself because I know the thoughts are irrational. Best of luck to you, I hope you are able to get your anxiety under control

[Sunflower123]

Do you think therapy could help with this? I hope you get this resolved. Best wishes.