[Llama_Llama44]

This thread is probably a mistake. But who knows?
I'm always comparing my problems / life / childhood / family to other people's. NOT like a lot of people might (why do other people have it better than me, why is my life so difficult?), but kind of the opposite (everyone has problems. Sooo many people had more difficult childhoods than me. Everyone has messed up families, mine is really not anything to be anxious about, etc.). I sort of torture myself about how my problems aren't that bad and just feel ashamed for wanting help / attention. And I get really angry at myself because part of me WANTS my problems to be worse so that it would be more reasonable for me to need help (how f**d up is that?)

My T says it's partly because I don't want to accept that I need / want attention from him / want to feel safe and paid attention to by him. And partly because, when I was a kid, I was sort of given the message that things were not as bad as I felt they were when I was scared. But I was sort of able to ignore all of this before therapy...I didn't WANT so much then

Even coming to this forum was probably a bad idea- I'll read other people's stories and then feel guilty / ashamed because I really have not had a very difficult life, so why do I let myself get so anxious, and why do I need to join a forum like this one?

Whenever I tell someone something personal about things I've struggled with or difficult things I've experienced, I feel kind of guilty and ashamed afterwards. Like, did I just want them to feel bad for me? Ugg... I feel the same way about this post.

I'm just kind of feeling disgusted with myself right now, and I really can't / don't share this issue with anyone besides my T IRL, so I'm sharing it here. Hopefully I won't regret it...

[Unrigged64072835]

Your life was difficult. Comparing yourself to other people is going to get you more of the same pain. You're invalidating what you experienced.

That is why I have a hard time with gratitude. People sometimes use gratitude to invalidate my pain--see, you should be grateful you don't have what John/Jane Doe has, or deals with. Does it help? Of course not.

If your T is saying that you're denying wanting to feel safe with him or get attention from him--it's not his place to say that. He should be supporting you no matter what you're feeling. It almost sounds like he WANTS you to give him that.

[Llama_Llama44]

No I didn't mean he says that to tell me how to feel. He already knows I feel attached to him, want to feel safe there, etc, but feel ashamed that I want that. I tell him I can't stop comparing stuff and he says that part of why I'm doing the comparing is that I feel ashamed for wanting stuff from him when I don't feel like it's "justified".

I say I didn't want this before therapy because I've never wanted to feel little / safe / protected so much by anyone besides my T.

I don't think my life has been very difficult but I know it's all relative and I shouldn't use that to torture myself. But it's hard for some reason.

[Unrigged64072835]

I would want the therapist to be safe and have a safe place to work through problems. I'm paying for him/her to help me. Maybe you don't think you deserve it because you don't think your problems are that bad?

Is not having your needs met a default position? Sometimes we don't change things if it's familiar or comfortable, even though it hurts.

Not trying to be mean or anything...just wanting to understand.

[Llama_Llama44]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Maybe you don't think you deserve it because you don't think your problems are that bad?

Yeah basically. Or that it *should* have been enough by now.

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Is not having your needs met a default position?

Hmm idk, I guess maybe a little... I think when my needs or wants weren't / aren't met I tend to assume it is because my "needs" aren't / weren't reasonable. And, well, if my T says they are reasonable, I do trust him, but he's only one person so how do I know that everyone else wouldn't think they are unreasonable?! Haha...

[Llama_Llama44]

Taking the "sanity score" test was a good idea. A great way to compare yourself with others and add fuel to the fire (sarcasm...)

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for posting! I haven’t had good experiences with therapists, they invalidated my pain.. I think your t sounds like a good therapist and I think you’re thinking along the right lines here (but what do I know ). I hope you don’t regret posting. I often regret sharing any of my thoughts anywhere .. in my case that’s what abusers wanted
But keeping everything to ourselves does nothing but harm.

[Llama_Llama44]

Thanks for your nice words, everyone. I won't go into details now but I just wanted to say that T read me something interesting when I saw him yesterday. I'm feeling a bit better about this right now.

I'm sorry you haven't had good experiences with therapists, FuzzyBear. I hope you find one who can help you if you want that

[Unrigged64072835]

Glad that your T helped you.

[Llama_Llama44]

Arg. I can't decide if it was foolish of me to come here, or not. I kinda like it here... but maybe a bad idea for the overthinking and comparing

Does other people's anxiety (etc.) on this forum ever give you more anxiety?