I am the stupidest of my lot!

Everything inspiring, like "Teens nowadays are creative, super successful, will own the world" etc. just makes me sadder. I don't know why, I somehow get into this hysteria filled fit when I bawl and wonder, am I really a part of that successful teenage population? Because I am stupid, stupid, the stupidest! I can do nothing at all, I fit in nowhere! People my age are accomplishing the impossible, I just feel this overwhelming self-hate bubble up in me. My handwriting sucks, my study life is a mess, and I just feel so sorry for the people rooting for me, wasting money and time behind me when I am constantly letting them down. I am overwhelmed with these worries. If it isn't health related thoughts, it's the body-insecurity thoughts, they just keep on coming...I am sorry if I am just word-vomitting because I am just not in the right state of mind right now. This stupid thoughts never cease and I hate myself and my life for it. I stay so silent, wishing that my lack of movement or words would just make me invisible from the world, would remove all the disappointment that I am. I am so stupid and awkward and a massive piece of ***** and I got not a single distinguishing feature. I am so so worthless and I hate it so much! Is there a way out? I have been suicidal before due to chronic pain, now it has subsided. And there are moments when it just stirs up, and I feel vulnerable and alienated from everything, as if I don't deserve happiness. Any replies...please.

Hey Mysha--

Just wanted you to know I read what you wrote and identify with it, even though I'm probably old enough to be your grandmother.

Surprisingly enough a lot of those "achievers" have the same problems that you do.

Do you have a counselor at school? That would be a start.

Hi and welcome to PC!

I am sorry you are feeling so down on yourself.
I can relate. I'd felt like a huge loser in high school. I honestly am not very creative and have few talents. I am gifted in some areas though. I just tend to not see this unless someone points it out to me.

Maybe make a list of things you do like about yourself?

I like Farrhaige's comment re: seeing a school counselor. Is this a possibility for you? A high school counselor helped me a lot back when I was struggling in my teens.

I hope you will keep posting so we will get to know you and can support you.


WC

Welcome

I can kind of relate too

I was ill and couldn't do things when I was in high school. I'm not saying you're ill. I decided I wanted an engineering degree when I was 20 and I pursued it and got it even though I had depression and major anxiety. You can do anything you put your mind to. Just follow your interests. What do you like? No one said you had to make up your mind now. Wait a few years maybe. Don't compare yourself to the others.

Hey I get this- sometimes I feel like Im really behind just because really... some people just dont have to deal with the sort of stuff I/we have to deal with.

You arent stupid, just different, and thats ok. Just do the best you can