[bsmtih239]

My first attack came while I was in college. At the time I was working for Nabisco, and dealing with the stresses of being a student. I had survived depression as a teen and grown into a fairly normal young adult who had become surprisingly more extroverted in college. You could say I was a late bloomer.

I distinctly remember when it hit me though. I was stocking some Premium crackers in an HEB in central College Station and all of the sudden the world seemed completely wrong. I tried to shake it off, thinking it might have been the partying the night before hitting me, but throughout my work day my symptoms got worse and worse. My vision was getting blurry and my head felt cloudy, which caused me some concern. When I got home from work it seemed to get worse and I literally felt like my brain was shutting down.

I have never had a Docter able to tell me what happened or why. All I know is it did and the outcome of all thier tests came up with nothing. They didn't know what was wrong with me. So I made a mistake that would define my issue, and in some ways my life, from that point on... I got on the internet and looked up my symptoms.

Big mistake.

From that point the intense fear and anxiety surface as I convinced myself that I had CJD (don't look it up if you don't already know). I completely lost it, and it wasn't until I landed in the hospital for a massive panic episode that they gave me a sedative and all of the sudden I felt normal. It was like a switch got turned off inside my mind. From that point it was easier for the Doctors to get me on meds and then send me on my way. I had an anxiety disorder and that was that.

Well from there my life went downhill and then I was able to bring it back uphill slowly until I got my life back together. The anxiety also seemed to disappear even though my medication got scaled back to nothing. For 3 years I didn't take meds and had no anxiety issues. Unfortunately those 3 I hadn't slept at all due to undiagnosed sleep apnea which means I hadn't beaten anxiety I just hadn't had the energy to be anxious.

Which brings me to know, five months after I started using a CPAP and my body now has enough energy to worry again, and if I get blindsided by a trigger I spiral pretty quickly. Its happened twice already. Once when I cut myself with a rusty light fixture and again, just yesterday, after hearing a TV show character get diagnosed with an extremely rare disease that shares some symptoms with the very real carpel tunnel issues I do have.

My wife of 5 years suddenly thinks I am a crazy person because for most of our relationship I haven't really had any anxiety. She knew I had suffered from it in the past but now that its hitting me like a truck again its hard for her to put up with my Terminal Disease hypochondria. So I do my best to hide it from her, and fight it the way I have done in the past.

My new doctor has got me on something different, always hated feeling constantly high on sertraline so we are using a different pill (and trying to find the right doses). That said, I have had to result to using clonazepam during the last two episodes which I hate taking due to its dangers (I dislike taking pills in general).

If you have read this far, thanks, sorry for my rambling. It actually feels good to type this out since most people wont listen to me anymore. I understand that though, having to tell me over and over that I don't have some terminal disease, or to just stop worrying has to get old. I mean, it gets old to me, particularly when I try to use logic on my own brain, and it doesn't listen.

Is this common with anxiety? Fully being cognoscente that what you are worried about is stupid but not being able to stop the intense, debilitating, fear?

Has anyone else thought they had beat their anxiety only to have it come back just as bad or worse?

[Skeezyks]

Hello bsmtih: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. May I suggest you introduce yourself to the general membership over on our New Members Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

Since you mentioned your wife not really understanding what you're experiencing, one other forum here on PC that may be of interest might be the Relationships and Communication forum. Here's a link to that forum:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

Also, here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subjects of health anxiety & generalized anxiety disorder:

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/ocd-and-health-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/a...rder-symptoms/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/taking-...ur-life/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-smal...iety-symptoms/

My best wishes to you...

[Gus1234U]

hello, bsmtih. yes, i do understand, anxiety and OCD thoughts mixed together are the salad of disasters. there is no way to tell what might have triggered this latest episode, but rest assured, if you have beaten this once, you can do so again. i have 'overcome' panic and anxiety disorders 5 times~! my first panic attack was also in college, and the nurse gave me a paper bag to breathe in~ O.O there was no understanding back then of brain disorders in general, and anxiety specifically, except that they seemed irrational.... DUH~

here is a link to a thread that lists a number of things you can do when feeling overwhelmed, and some of them will likely work for you~ i wish you the swiftest of recoveries, and a long remission~ :

https://forums.psychcentral.com/copi...-emotions.html

post #41 is mine.

[bsmtih239]

Originally Posted by Gus1234U

hello, bsmtih. yes, i do understand, anxiety and OCD thoughts mixed together are the salad of disasters. there is no way to tell what might have triggered this latest episode, but rest assured, if you have beaten this once, you can do so again. i have 'overcome' panic and anxiety disorders 5 times~! my first panic attack was also in college, and the nurse gave me a paper bag to breathe in~ O.O there was no understanding back then of brain disorders in general, and anxiety specifically, except that they seemed irrational.... DUH~

here is a link to a thread that lists a number of things you can do when feeling overwhelmed, and some of them will likely work for you~ i wish you the swiftest of recoveries, and a long remission~ :

Thank you for the advice! I will take a look! I recently (like over the last 2 days lol) read a book over heath anxiety disorder and I got a lot from it. I can curb the health related thoughts somewhat and hopefully with practice I can stop them cold.

I think the biggest issue for me in my current episode is waking up and having the anxiety there waiting for me. I don't even know why I am anxious either! Its not the same terror that I get when its bad, but it is annoying and persistent. My meds aren't working yet but I have schedule to speak to a psychologist so maybe that will help some.