Constant ruminating..and regrets

I struggle with social anxiety and depression,
The thing that really brings me down is worrying and ruminating about things...I ventured out on Monday, and I’ve been feeling real low and isolated..I went for a meal in a quiet place, I don’t usually drink and decided to have a couple of beers..when I returned to where I live I went into one of the village pubs, I guess as I’d had a drink I felt courageous and confident.

I had a couple more drinks in there..luckily I got home ok I’ve felt really ill since, as I’ve thought back and I feel such an idiot , I feel like I must have looked like I was looking to hook up with someone ..I recall a woman in there and she wasn’t really very nice when I spoke to a couple of people one guy had a lovely dog so I struck up a conversation with him about the dog she shouted over..I saw your wife yesterday, it was like she was warning me off...she said a couple of other things that when I realised the next day I felt so horrible...like a loose woman ,

I already don’t go out often and I’ve seen this woman and her partner in the village it’s put me off going out at all...and I’m ruminating about it all...
Feeling so anxious about it..I know I won’t be drinking again, it’s a long time since I had a drink and it doesn’t really agree with me ...
I just wish I didn’t feel so bad about myself and keep going over it...

I’m currently in therapy and am aware of mindfulness but when I feel like this it’s hard to get anything to work...

Is there anything you can do to remove such triggers from your life? For me, by example, journalling was a great problem. Perhaps finding postiivie things to occupy your time and thoughts is a difficult prospect, but avoiding the negative can be easier to do. Are there places you can go where you are less likely to encounter this woman? Are there things you can do to reward yourself for making even the smallest successes?

When I have a few glasses of wine to calm my anxiety, it relaxes me for a while, then I have a few more. The result is the anxiety returns worse than ever......especially the next day. I'm feeling jittery now and want to go out to buy a bottle of wine to settle down, but I know that will start the cycle all over again. For me, alcohol fixes nothing, just makes things worse.

Hopefully you have thought about this more than this other woman who probably should just mind her own business. These things happen sometimes. The good thing is that with time these things blow over and we can get back on track.

Totally agree...
I’ve learnt a lesson. Even though I don’t really drink much.
Makes me realise it’s just as well
Thanks

Yeh I’m trying. Meditating helps.
I think not drinking is a big one. Although I don’t really drink often.
Feeling slightly better today, four days on...I guess because I can rationalise more...thank you x

You are so right sisabel. I’m feeling a little more rational four days after..I’m still hurting and feeling a little low, but I’ve learnt a lesson...
Yes it’s a shame the woman was there and judged me wrongly really...

appreciate what you say
Thank you x

A few days have passed since I did this post.
Like sisabel mentions ,with time it doesn’t feel quite as bad, or as raw...it’s still there although I don’t feel quite as awful as I did...
I have also realised the whole issue around drinking to gain confidence is triggering , as my father was an alcoholic which had a terrible affect on me.

The mind is an amazing thing..and I wondered about how bad I felt and why, and realised some complex reasons..I believe to understand why something makes us feel so bad or triggers us in a very bad way helps us to manage it better, whether for me, that’s by not drinking at all in the future I’m not sure but it’s a big consideration...

I’m grateful for all of you and your comments it helped to make me feel less shame and embarrassment, and dislike myself ....for that I am truly grateful

Massive good wishes to you all
X x x