[portishead94]

I have had trouble with anxiety/depression OCD and panic for most of my life (im 25 now) I went a few years where I felt like I was recovered but lately maybe the past year or so it has been coming back full swing. I want to list a few things to get out of my head that are bothering me

1.) I feel like i'm losing my mind and myself and that im turning into a monster

2.) Intrusive thoughts that scare me about doing harm to others and wondering if I am capable of doing so followed by the feeling I state above

3.) Worry about the future and if I will still feel this way for a long time and even forever which is followed by fears that I will become suicidal

4.) Feeling like I am an outsider because of the thoughts that I have and that if anyone was able to read my mind and my thoughts that I would beostracized.

5.) some of the things that I have seen on the internet by accident that are gruesome and graphic I feel may be messing with my head sometimes and make have irrational fears that something bad could easily happen to me or loved ones at any moment. and somewhat often I find my mind wandering unwantingly to random scenarios of violence similar to what I have seen.

6.) A general fear of the future and if im going to be consistently OK mentally.

I feel like theres more that I think about when im having an anxiety or panic attack but those are just the things that I can think of now that make me feel like im losing it. I hate the feeling that theres something wrong with me its harrowing. I mostly just need to find a sense of not being alone with these feelings and thoughts. The problem is I do not respond well to "Everything's gonna be alright" which I feel like most of you reading probably feel the same way. We need a clear and very logical explanation to why this is happening to us to give something in reality to grasp onto. So I am searching for that logical and clear feeling of not being alone and being normal.

[Skeezyks]

Hello portishead: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral!

I'm sorry you are experiencing so much distress. Of course we here on PC cannot diagnose you, as you probably realize. However, based on what you wrote, it sounds as though at least some of what you are struggling with may be related to OCD? There is a forum, here on PC, dedicated to the subject of OCD. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/ocd-...chotillomania/

There is one form of OCD that is referred to as "pure O". Family therapist, Kati Morton, has a video on her YouTube channel on the subject of pure O. Here's a link to Kati's video:

Also here's a link to an article, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of pure O:

Pure Obsessional OCD

And then since you mentioned having anxiety & panic attacks here are links to some articles that offer tips on how to manage these conditions along with one that offers suggestions for managing intrusive thoughts:

9 Ways to Reduce Anxiety Right Here, Right Now

15 Small Steps You Can Take Today to Improve Anxiety Symptoms

https://psychcentral.com/lib/top-10-...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/tips-to...-attack/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...panic-attacks/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/three-...nxiety-attack/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/dbt/2...sive-thoughts/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.