[chris87]

I have always had some degree of anxiety. I've probably managed to hide it well from others, but I feel like I'm falling apart. At one point, it seemed like things were getting better. In the past, I've dealt with OCD issues, social anxiety, fear of dying, nervousness, etc. In my later 20s (I'm 30 now), I felt that I was starting to improve. In 2017, my mother got very sick. I don't know why, but the experience triggered something inside of me. I guess I could call it "health anxiety." I worry everyday about health related issues and can't seem to relax. I'm always concerned about something happening to a family member, and I can't deal with losing anyone. I don't have any friends and really have no purpose in life. My mom is back in the hospital, and I'm so stressed. I feel extremely fragile right now, like I'm close to having a nervous breakdown. I think the worst about everything, and it amplifies my stress level. I keep trying to tell myself to think positively, and soon enough, she will be home. My OCD issues seem to be in overdrive. I have this irrational fear that I could do something that would negatively affect her test results. It's mainly about not doing something "right" and causing bad luck (ie. choosing the wrong bottle of water from the refrigerator, not wearing the correct clothes, not putting my seatbelt on properly - the list is endless). I have to constantly redo mundane tasks, which is time-consuming and creates additional, unneeded stress. I know it makes no sense, but I can't seem to stop it. Can anyone relate, or has anyone been through something similar? I don't know what is wrong with me or why I've become like this. Sometimes I think that I'm being punished for not being a better person, even though I'm trying to do the best that I can.

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I'm not a mental health professional. And I can't tell you what this is all about other than to suggest that, perhaps, it is being driven by your anxiety.

Anxiety is something I've struggled with all of my life. And the one thing I know is that it can manifest in all sorts of different ways. Just as one example... one evening quite a few years ago now, I was at the theater waiting for a play to begin. Suddenly my eyes began to bounce up-&-down in their sockets! I couldn't stop it &, as you can probably imagine, it made looking anything a challenge. After a few minutes it went away. But there have been lots of other things over the years as well.

You didn't mention if you see a therapist. If not, that might be a good idea. Talking through your fears may help you to at least reduce their potency. And then other things that are sometimes suggested include journaling, meditation, yoga, etc. You probably don't need me to tell you about this stuff. But I do think it's important to address your anxiety-related issues in one way or another. At least based on my own personal experience, I'd say your anxiety symptoms may be unlikely to simply go away by themselves. And unrelenting anxiety does have a way of wearing on a person over time both mentally & physically. It certainly has on me.

Here are links to 2 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the particular subject of health anxiety:

OCD and Health Anxiety

Hyper-Worried About Your Health? 3 Tips to Help