I hate attention and it's ruining my life

I have GAD and SA

My social anxiety isn't as bad as it used to be but I still feel like I'm a massive failure with people. I need some help on how to be better at this. I am not looking to make friends but just be more comfortable with people in various situations.

I hate attention, it is the core of all my social issues. I have no idea why but all my family is this way and it's all I've ever really known. There is a few exceptions to this... I love attention from animals. I also am fine with attention around small groups of people I know, in fact, I can thrive off it. There are times when I can be in a group of 3 or 4 people and I am making all kinds of jokes, dancing around, putting on a costume. Anything for a laugh.

I can not though, deal with it in big groups or with only strangers. I can't even play a simple game of bingo for fear of winning and having to call it out. I can't eat in front of strangers, at restaurants I need to be with someone I know and far away from others as I can be. I can't deal with anyone singing happy birthday to me. Job interviews are a nightmare, I always use humor because it's my biggest coping tool and it usually backfires in that situation.

I have no idea how to fix this. Again, I'm not looking to make new friends. I just want to be able to stop being so afraid of people paying attention to me that I avoid simple and sometimes fun things. Help!

I can really relate. I think it has to do with difficulty setting boundaries. Too many boundaries around strangers and too few around people you have become comfortable with. So there's something missing inbetween. It's too much emphasis on how other people are perceiving or treating you, so then it feels like attention carries some possible unwanted expectations along with it.

For me it's kind of learned helplessness. I feel like I can't assert myself or ask for help if I need it. I kind of feel like other people are "powerful" and I'm weak. In my imagination it's not like that and now how I want it to be but, in real interactions that's how I end up feeling. Just kind of passive because deep down I don't feel like I have any control. I have to constantly force myself to challenge that belief and try to speak up about what I want or need or what I'm feeling instead of just going along with everything.

Hello! I'm terribly sorry that you're struggling with this. I don't know if I'll be able to help much, but I can tell you that I definitely relate.

Often when I'm in that kind of situation, I visualize myself as a different person. As in, I put a different face to who I am and who I picture myself as. So then the attention's not being directed to me, it's being directed to someone else in my head. It could be a fictional character, some nameless face, a person you know, or anything like that. Then whenever people direct attention to me, I'm able to feel less connected to the situation.

Of course, that's a bit of an odd tip, and I doubt many people are going to be able to just do that out of nowhere.

So I also recommend having something that reminds you of a calming moment in your life. Like a memento, of sorts. I have a stone that I've had for many years in my life and it was given to me by a special friend before my mental health started to deteriorate. Whenever I have it with me, I'm able to feel a bit more confident in situations I normally wouldn't. Because it would take me back to a time where I felt comfortable.

Maybe imagine that you're not in the situation that you're in, to create a disconnect. Or perhaps develop some breathing and meditation exercises you can perform before going to events like these. Maybe have a phrase that you chant in your head that could calm you down, or think of something you used to love doing in order to ease the stress.

But that's just stuff that eases my stress. I hope this helped even the tiniest bit!

Thank you, have a wonderful day!