[sunnydisposition]

I started seeing this girl who works with me. We have this chemistry where its hard not to act on it. It was innocent flirtations at the beginning but things have gotten more serious now. We ended up kissing making out at work today. It was exciting at that moment but after i came home i got triggered. Anxiety came knocking in. What if i fall for her. I dont intend to right now. But what if i do. What if it doesnt work out. I cant take or handle heartbreak right now. I know it will break whats left of me. For the first time ive started to heal, laugh, live, after years of suffering which involved 3 suicides. Im still in early stages of recovery. Recovery is more important to me than anything else. But at work i just want to hug her kiss her hold her. Its really confusing. So does she. She is an understanding kind person from what i can read about her. Like she knows my past. Some of it. The darkness and pain i have. But still i feel like i do not want to jeopardise my recovery at any cost.

What should i do?
Should i find another job?
What do i do?

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry, sunnydisposition You must be very confused at the moment. That's understandable. If you don't feel like handling a relationship at the moment, then know that you don't have to. Taking care of yourself and giving yourself time to heal is a totally legitimate and even wise decision. My suggestion would be to just be honest with this woman, and tell her that you prefer not to be involved in a relationship at the moment because of your past experiences. Be kind, but honest and firm. Hopefully she will understand, since she also knows part of your past. When you'll feel ready to take on a new relationship, that will be the ideal moment. You may even try a few dates with her and just see how it works out - for you and for her. Just do what you feel like it's the best thing for you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

[sunnydisposition]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm so sorry, sunnydisposition You must be very confused at the moment. That's understandable. If you don't feel like handling a relationship at the moment, then know that you don't have to. Taking care of yourself and giving yourself time to heal is a totally legitimate and even wise decision. My suggestion would be to just be honest with this woman, and tell her that you prefer not to be involved in a relationship at the moment because of your past experiences. Be kind, but honest and firm. Hopefully she will understand, since she also knows part of your past. When you'll feel ready to take on a new relationship, that will be the ideal moment. You may even try a few dates with her and just see how it works out - for you and for her. Just do what you feel like it's the best thing for you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

Took the day off to mull this over. If ive realized one thing from this is that i am so not ready for it. Which means my recovery isnt strong enough. Its clear to me that i cannot, should not pursue any romantic venture. Romance can and often is wonderful and stressful. It aches me more than i can say in words to not be able to go out with this amazing women. Its one of those rare connections you find once in a long while. MI is cruel. Unfair. Merciless. Dont i deserve a little tenderness in my life after everything?

I explained or atleast tried to, her my reasons, my inability to handle anything intense for the moment. And she took it really well. She said she doesnt want to hurt me and will make sure that she never acts on whatever there is between us. I have to take responsibility for making sure that i stay singedly focus on healing. Maybe i will find that kind of happiness oneday if i work hard enough.

Thanks for listening and sharing your thoughts.