[jen1017]

Hi Everyone,

It’s been a very long time since I’ve been on this forum (almost 12 years to the day) and I’m back because I’m having feelings that I just need to share and perhaps get a bit of reassurance from the community that I’m not losing it.

My first experience with DP/DR was in 2008 and I remember it being awful, but because I didn’t keep track of my thoughts and feelings back then I’m having a difficult time to tell myself that these feelings and thoughts I’m feeling now are just because of my anxiety DP/DR and that I will be okay.

The most frustrating thing is that I thought since I completely cured my DP/DR before that I’d never end up feeling like that again, but now it’s back and I just need to have someone tell me I’m okay and that these thoughts are just DP/DR and I’m not actually losing my mind.

These are the most unsettling feelings I’m having and I just want to get them off my chest:

— I’m getting anxious over thoughts that I can’t actually put into words. So it’s difficult to say “oh that’s just a silly thought” when I can’t find the words to describe it.

— I have these thoughts that I just feel super disconnect from myself and my life. It’s like I need to click into place but I can’t.

— I have this feeling of days and nights etc just feeling like they all run together.

— I have these thoughts that life seems pointless and that I don’t really know why I’m alive or why I’m getting out of bed each day.

— I’m afraid that I’m going to end up completely dissociated and that my conscious is going to completely leave my body.

— I also don’t seem to remember what it feels like to feel normal.

— Then there are just feelings that I have that I can’t put into words.

I’m sorry if this was a really long pointless post I just need the advice.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by jen1017

The most frustrating thing is that I thought since I completely cured my DP/DR before that I’d never end up feeling like that again, but now it’s back and I just need to have someone tell me I’m okay and that these thoughts are just DP/DR and I’m not actually losing my mind.

These are the most unsettling feelings I’m having and I just want to get them off my chest:

— I’m getting anxious over thoughts that I can’t actually put into words. So it’s difficult to say “oh that’s just a silly thought” when I can’t find the words to describe it.

— I have these thoughts that I just feel super disconnect from myself and my life. It’s like I need to click into place but I can’t.

— I have this feeling of days and nights etc just feeling like they all run together.

— I have these thoughts that life seems pointless and that I don’t really know why I’m alive or why I’m getting out of bed each day.

— I’m afraid that I’m going to end up completely dissociated and that my conscious is going to completely leave my body.

— I also don’t seem to remember what it feels like to feel normal.

— Then there are just feelings that I have that I can’t put into words.

I’m sorry if this was a really long pointless post I just need the advice.

I assume (?) you might have once gone to therapy but because of feeling better, are not going now. I am not an expert, but many of your symptoms make me wonder if your mind is subconsciously dealing with a past trauma. When I went to therapy four years ago, I found myself unexpectantly dealing with a traumatic event that happened in college. I truly thought it was no big deal but when I brought it up in therapy, the anxiety, and thoughts that the conversation unleashed made it apparent that perhaps the event was more traumatic than I realized. Don't know if this applies to you but I wanted to make sure you got some kind of response. Sorry you are dealing with this. Anxiety and all the rest of the things you are experiencing suck.

[jen1017]

Originally Posted by TunedOut

I assume (?) you might have once gone to therapy but because of feeling better, are not going now. I am not an expert, but many of your symptoms make me wonder if your mind is subconsciously dealing with a past trauma. When I went to therapy four years ago, I found myself unexpectantly dealing with a traumatic event that happened in college. I truly thought it was no big deal but when I brought it up in therapy, the anxiety, and thoughts that the conversation unleashed made it apparent that perhaps the event was more traumatic than I realized. Don't know if this applies to you but I wanted to make sure you got some kind of response. Sorry you are dealing with this. Anxiety and all the rest of the things you are experiencing suck.

I know I definitely have passed trauma, I had an accident as a kid and became disabled.

Does having panic attacks count as trauma? Cause I have those a lot on and off.

I guess where I am right now is I have a hard time believing anything can help me relieve this obsessive anxious thoughts. It seems like all I can think about.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by jen1017

I know I definitely have passed trauma, I had an accident as a kid and became disabled.

Does having panic attacks count as trauma? Cause I have those a lot on and off.

I guess where I am right now is I have a hard time believing anything can help me relieve this obsessive anxious thoughts. It seems like all I can think about.

From what I have read, panic attacks are caused from a heightened flight or fight (adrenalin) response. When our ancestors lived closer to nature, the extra adrenalin could save their life. However, IMO, traumatic events (and they can just be stress from work, relationships, etc. in addition to a specific event like an accident) cause panic attacks. When I discussed the event from college, I woke up immediately having panic attacks for more than a month. It took me all morning to calm it down. I must have been dreaming about the event for a while after I talked about it. I certainly had obsessive thoughts replaying the event for a while. In college, I just filed that event in back of my mind, for about a month, I thought about it as I was going to sleep but other than that, did not suffer from any ill effects that I remember. I never told anyone about it and it would have been better to talk about it then but I was ashamed of what happened and just moved on with my life. I never had any panic attacks until my 40s. I think the lifetime accumulation of stress took its toll. I started taking sertraline (zoloft), gabapentin and xanax in my 50s for my anxiety. I also have processed a lot of what has happened by discussing it on here and with a therapist (I also am not seeing a therapist right now). I have not had a major panic attack in quite a while. I hope you can find a way to deal with your situation. It does take time to calm the fight or flight response down.