[Cyran0]

It looks like today insists on being a bad day. One of those days where anxiety swells up from somewhere inside and courses through your veins like a poison. You can't seem to out think it so you grit your teeth and try to endure it. Your chest aches as your heart pumps the cloudy blackness and your hands shake as the toxin reaches every muscle in every limb.

It's not panic and it's not sadness. It's angst and anxiety, boxed into a quiet life of desperation. And you're a stone thing on the couch, a perfect statue of normalcy. A self portrait that's technically correct but fails to breath. It fails to convey the worry and restlessness that needs to get out but is clinging to your spine. And you stare at yourself from the outside, dwelling with unease on the things you have done and all that's left undone. Too bad you're exhausted from the inside out, worn out before you could move a muscle.

The whole thing makes you feel sick and you want to double over but while your mind screams, your body has seized.

Only involuntary twitching is left.

And so you watch tv and worry about worry and when the worry will end.

Cyran0

[Rio_]

Don't know what to say - don't think it's something I've experienced myself, but it sure doesn't sound fun. Hope you feel better soon! You write very well.

[sabby]

(((((( Cyran0 )))))))

Your explanation was gripping, as I could almost feel it myself. I do so hope that the feeling leaves you as quicky as it appeared. Thinking of you and sending you some strength and peace.


sabby

[Cthomas]

Cy,

Im sorry youare having such a rough one. but for what its worth, when you share your troubles, they become lighter loads for you to carry.

Carrying some of your load today. hoping you feel better.

was there yesterday and you were there for me.

take care my friend

colleen

[jacq10]

((((((Cyran0)))))

I'm sorry that today seems especially hard I understand the angst you so poetically wrote about.. its a heavy burden to have to carry around with you all day.

I wish I had the answers to help take some of this pain away, but in the meantime, know that we're all here for you, holding your hand, waiting for this poison to pass.

Gentle hugs,
Jacq

cyr,

today is hard for me too friend, im in the same place. Im so sorry ((((hugs)))

[altonwoodsdrphil]

CY, the things you have to do...work related? or is it something else? modern psychiatry still can't explain the sub-consious mind, your's seems to be trying to tell you something ...URGENTLY!!! it's not giving up, you can try to ignore it or numb it out for a temporary respite but I suggest you simply turn and face it and ask "what do you want?" and listen...our emotional happiness is tied to our "inner child" (sorry for the cliche) maybe he's feeling a little bit neglected...I also love the way you write...you're an artist, and so the creative drive you have depends on being able to tap into " it " ...how do you say it? quit pro quo?

[Cyran0]

Thank you all for the kind words and support. Yesterday was a hard day but I got through it and am feeling better today. Trying to explain, as vividly as possible, how I experience anxiety really helped me. It's probably why I love to write, it helps on some core level. So thank you for that outlet.

As for what I have to do? That is, what was that piece of the anxiety puzzle? I carry a huge work load of a full time job, freelance film/screenwriting work, and being a father. It's too much and I know it.

The other parts, well, those pieces are more abstract and probably has something to do with an inability to just enjoy myself.

Anyway, thanks again and back to work.

Cyran0

[Perna]

Glad you're feeling better today. Reminded me of when I start getting asthma problems and don't have my inhaler with me, know I can inhale well just can't fully exhale, hit a wall there with nothing to do but inhale again, leaving the CO² in a layer in my lungs, clogging up the works.

[chalmette70043]

(((((((Cy))))))))))