[Schatje]

I have ocd and thought that I had a pretty darn good control over it. It usually isn’t too bad, just mildly annoying, and I work around it. I decided today to do an exercise in desensitization and I failed miserably.

I tried to start a journal that no one would see but me. Simple right? Nope. I’m terrified of being wrong about certain things and I’m especially scared of being wrong in print. I have a terrible time writing things and not rewriting them a million times for, well, a million little things. I find this really difficult because I love to write. I think the only reason I’m able to post here is because it is anonymous and if I screw up no one knows it is me. Strange how minds work isn’t it? I started to write and got through a whole page and began to do my ritual rereading and checking and then I noticed something I didn’t like and couldn’t change it because it was written in ink. I can’t stand the visual look of something being crossed out so I thought I would “compromise” with myself and just tear out the few little offending parts. Well, that didn’t look right so I tore out more and more. You can guess how it ended up.

I couldn’t just let it be! What is wrong with me? I thought I had a better control over it than that! Maybe, because my rituals are mostly mental, I don’t notice how bad it is?

[Perna]

Oh, Schatje, that's so sad, especially since you like writing so.

Any way you can have a couple journals; a "sloppy"/practice one and a "real" one? Doing something like Morning Pages http://www.highlysensitivesouls.com/...rningpages.htm might help get you out of the "habit" of correcting some since they aren't allowed to be reread or anything for several weeks.

I use to be picky and want things perfect in my journals too so couldn't keep one very long because I'd "spoil" it but Morning Pages fixed that so I learned to write sideways, cross things out, do arrows to other parts of the page, etc.

That's an idea? I use a huge 11 x 14 blank book, usually spiral bound (sketch book like office supply stores have) http://www.dickblick.com/zz118/10/ and deliberately get "messy" and write lists and all sorts of non-linear thoughts and ideas. Maybe you could use a colored pen not like what you associate writing with and that would make it feel more like "art" than writing.

[Doh2007]

You have to turn off the "editor" when you are writing. It's great that you have both parts and they are good at their own time. Just tell yourself that you'll write an hour or a day or a week and not worry about accuracy. Then if you feel like doing so, at the end of the allotted time, turn your editor loose.

Oh, and be sure to keep the original untouched. In other words, save a copy and edit that. I've saved a lot of precious information that way.

[BalishBun]

(((((SCHATJE))))))