[madisgram]

i'm new to the site and would like some feedback.
i tend to stay isolated a lot. i put off simple tasks at home or out. when i do go out i some times say "well that wasn't so bad afterall." other times i tend to hyperventilate just getting in my car and driving. so-oo i stay at home. i know this is not healthy for me but i still do it. for instance i have been in my home for over a week now. other than reading or watching a little tv (boring) i've done very little. reading is often times not do-able because i can't concentrate. i use the phone to "socialize". i am bipolar and suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. i also have suffered from physical abuse but have been out of that situation for a long time.
i do see my psy. every three months and take my medications. so i'm doing that correctly.
so what's going on with me that makes me do this?
thanks for any input.

[skeeweeaka]

Originally Posted by madisgram

i'm new to the site and would like some feedback.
i tend to stay isolated a lot. i put off simple tasks at home or out. when i do go out i some times say "well that wasn't so bad afterall." other times i tend to hyperventilate just getting in my car and driving. so-oo i stay at home. i know this is not healthy for me but i still do it. for instance i have been in my home for over a week now. other than reading or watching a little tv (boring) i've done very little. reading is often times not do-able because i can't concentrate. i use the phone to "socialize". i am bipolar and suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. i also have suffered from physical abuse but have been out of that situation for a long time.
i do see my psy. every three months and take my medications. so i'm doing that correctly.
so what's going on with me that makes me do this?
thanks for any input.

I'm the same way...the cause for me is ptsd combined with depression and anxiety... Working on getting out at least once a day to sit in the sun or walk in the park is helping...

Hope you are feeling better today...

TJ

[gimmeice]

I used to really suffer from anxiety that kept me in my house most of the time too. What has helped me is weekly therapy and taking small planned trips out by myself. I also am in group therapy and that seems to help with my social anxiety.

[digdug]

Agoraphobia has snuck up on me once or twice in my life. It can be tough, because the only real treatment (based on my T's advice) is to go out into the open and face it head-on. Mind you, there are ways to do this right and there are ways to do it wrong. Tread carefully, and you can slowly make your way back out into the world.

[ECHOES]

I can realte to your post on so many points. I do go out to go to work. I grocery shop and do any necessary errands on the way home. I procrastinate a lot. I feel as if I don't belong 'out there', I feel undeserving, that no one wants me out there, and that everyone knows this. It feels dangerous to me, as if something is lurking out there. Like you, when I can get out I sometimes think it is just fine and I wonder why I don't get out more. Going out for fun? What's that??!

Sometimes when I get out, it feels grounding to me. I think I'm feeling the reality and it feels good and it contrasts with the fears I have when I think about doing it. Sometimes I can push myself to "just do it" by remembering that when I get out it usually feels good or okay.

One thing I do go out for is my therapy. Twice a week I see my wonderful therapist who will listen to me talk about these fears, who helps me explore them and look at them more closely. I feel so much better than I did when I began seeing her a year and a half ago. At that time I was sometimes not able to make myself go to work and I very rarely went out at all.

I hope you will consider adding a therapist to your life.

[darkrunner]

Hi madisgram,
Welcome to PC!
You are not alone. I also am afraid to go out of the house much of the time. If I can avoid it, I do.
I agree with Echoes, a therapist may be able to be very helpful.
Take Care,
ktgirl

[pegasus]

(((((( madisgram ))))))

I so understand. Try not to beat yourself up on the days that you find you can't get out. Gradually go out for walks and little trips, maybe with a friend if that helps.

I recently got a dog which has to be walked! Which has helped me tremendously.

I'm not sure if you are seeing a therapist but psychotherapy would really help.

[ziggy1]

Madisgram I go through that alot at times. But if I get past that first second of thought and tell myself, that its going to be okay, that usually
works for me and usually I am Okay......and feel better once I do get
out.

I used to think to myself what if this happens or what if that happens, and that kept me from getting out. Sort of like a Pre-paranoia.

For example when I go to walmart, sometimes i get into a thought mode
where I'm saying to myself, "such a big store, all the lights, the people,
the crowds.....!!!!!

So I Say to myself well I'm just going to get in to the car first, and think
and do one thought at a time.

Usually by the time I get to Walmart I surprise myself and say Wow
I did It....!!! Then actually enjoy walking around the store and Interacting
with people.

"I just have to remember not to talk myself out of it".....!!!!

Hope this helps you......?

[theama]

Madisgram, I'm the exact same way (and I'm also bipolar). I can stay indoors for months, my longest isolation was six months. I also lock myself in my bedroom 24/7. Talking on the phone scares me a lot, I need 10-15 minutes of prepping myself before I can make a phonecall.
I need to go to the dentist, but when I was going to the dentist last time - I ended up having an anxiety attack when I was about to leave the house.
It's really a pain. When I'm outside, it's not bad at all, it's just the thought of going outside that scares me; and I enjoy my own company a lot - I enjoy the solitude. I told my psychiatrist about this ages ago and she just said "That sounds really weird". Ugh.
Everybody keeps pushing me to go outside, meet new people etc. I've lost all of my friends because I've been so isolated the past 2 years.
My bedroom is my sanctuary, I can be me when I'm here, I can do the things I want to do and I don't have to put up an act.

There's a song by Joy Division called "Isolation":

"In fear every day, every evening
He calls her aloud from above
Carefully watched for a reason
Painstaking devotion and love

Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation

Mother I tried please believe me
I'm doing the best that I can
I'm ashamed of the things I've been put through
I'm ashamed of the person I am

Isolation, isolation, isolation

But if you could just see the beauty
These things I could never describe
These pleasures a wayward distraction
This is my wonderful prize"

[madisgram]

hi everyone,
thanks so much for the input! i do see a therapist but unfortunately i don't think he gets it. i am moving to another state soon so i'm just treading water with the T.
i had an excellent therapist for 11+ years in Pa. he was awesome. so since he knew how much i loved the arts and books he suggested i go to barnes and noble regularly. said i'd probably meet some interesting people there and also i might find it a safe place to start going out to. this is when the story gets better....well i did what he told me and when he asked how it was going i said, "well, ok". thank goodness he pressed further and asked just what did i do there? i said, "well i go in and pick out some books, purchase them and go home to read them." duuuuhhh. sometimes i'm thick. he said, "no, i meant for you to sit down and stay there a while!" i hope this gives y'all a chuckle cause i couldn't believe i hadn't gotten the "message"!! i still get up the nerve now and then to go to barnes and noble where i live now cause i am comfortable there. it's just getting out my own front door that is difficult.
someone mentioned about having a pet to walk and i did do that 7 years ago. so that does help too. i don't feel anxious when i walk him and he has brought me so much joy.
now i'm planning a trip to be with my son and family, siblings in another state. well i'm alredy hyperventilating about the trip and i'm not leaving til next week AND this is something i'm looking forward to!! just wish i could beam myself down there so my nerves wouldn't be so rattled. can't drive and take the anti-anxiety meds so will hopefully get over this recent bout and just get in the car and drive away.
anyway, thanks so much for your input cause it gives me motivation to "just do it".

[radio_flyer]

wow ziggy, you sound like me. I also think when I venture out, what if this or that happens and I usually talk myself out of leaving the house. Two weeks ago I did go to Walmart. The first time in prob five years. I tried not to think, which is sometimes very easy for me. Did not look at the people. Or let my mind wander to get overwhelmed by the noises and environment. I just focused on finding that perfect sweatshirt. lol.. Funny thing is, I didn't want to leave. I wanted to shop, shop and shop some more. Maybe the reason I didn't want to leave is because I could not find anything I liked and I was determined to find something. I was pretty disappointed because the quality of the sweatshirts were pretty shabby.

I relate to pegasus, too. I may not have gone outside if it wasn't for puppy. He has sooo much energy and no yard to really play in. So I made myself take him "at first" for five min lil walks. Then next thing I knew we were walking for an hour. Sometimes even one and half hours. I always felt sooo good after those walks.. Puppy even felt good too. Puppy made some doggie friends during our walks. And I even talked to people, because it would have been rude not to, since they came to me and asked me about puppy. Puppy broke out in hives and then I got sick, so we haven't been out for two weeks. Time to get out and walking again..

[theama]

I'm the same; when I do go out I focus on the reason why I'm there - I do it as quickly as possible, and I avoid people.
The last time I was out, I went bra shopping - and I spent an hour trying on bras (cos I have lost a lot of weight and I didn't know my size anymore), but since I was in a booth it was fine. If I go shopping I grab the items I like really fast, then stay in the dressing room for as long as I have to.

When I've been out shopping with someone else, I've had several anxiety attacks when they go "Ooooh look at this!" and spend five minutes trying to decide if they should purchase it or not; clothes, food, movies, whatever.

Noises and such really get to me, I get really irritated and I just feel like leaving. I have to zone out completely to be able to cope with it.

[ellegirl]

I find that the arts help me out a lot. It is the only thing that makes me feel a live, gives me energy without anxiety, allows me to see the world as less scary, offers me sporatic moments of hope. I can breath when I am painting listening to certain songs...they tweak my mood.And I think it all starts from your thoughts. You just have to control how you think.and dont be hard on yourself, dont think that you 'should' be able to go the grocery store.begin with stepping outside your door.do this every day for a week if you have to. no step is too small! It is more like the beginning of a new direction