[seraphina]

It all started when I left school. I had this phobia where I couldn't stand to be around people and I was scared of the teachers so every now and then I'd stay at home and tell my mother I wasn't feeling to good and she'd let me stay. After a while, I just quit and I started homeschooling. At first, I was hiding from everyone {except my family}. I mean if anyone came to our house, I wouldn't go out to say hello or anything. I was too scared they'd ask me things..like why I quit going to regular school and all that. Then after a while, that went away and I gained some confidence and I could face everyone again. After a while though, I started getting real paranoid and its still going on today. I keep thinking that my family is trying to harm me in some way, especially my mother. So its hard for me to trust her. I also think my parents might be letting other people touch me in some way. I know its really stupid and I hope you guys dont judge me but this is the only place I can say all this without feeling very embarrassed. My parents always reassure me that they'd never do anything like that to me and they love me and how could I even think such things about them. And that makes me realise a bit. I mean, I know this is wrong..I know where I'm going wrong and I can just ignore these thoughts whenever they enter my mind but sometimes its hard. I'll be like "okay, so I'm just paranoid, I need to not think like this but 'what if' my thinking is really true?" it just stresses me out. I sometimes read too much into things. I freak out about small things. Like if someone cracked a mean joke..I could just laugh it off and I do but then it bugs me after a while because I keep thinking about it over and over again and keep thinking that they probably meant it in a different way. Gah, and now I think I have something called "derealization" because I kind of feel like in a dream-state. Its not that bad but I have it and its uncomfortable. I haven't seen a therapist and maybe I should but I mean if I know where I'm going wrong, couldn't I try getting out of all this myself? I doubt its possible but I dont know.

I just wanted to know if any of you have ever experienced anything like this. I'm just looking for some support and what I should do, thanks =).

I'm not sure if I posted this in the right place but I hope so.

[Myzen]

Hi Seraphina,

You did a brave thing coming onto this board. If you can stick around you'll find that people are really supportive and never judge you. Also there are people here who feel just like you do and that helps.

I agree with what you said about wanting to get out of the situation yourself, that is how I have tried to do things, and this board is great for that, as it doesn't commit you to anything you don't want to handle.

My only advice at this stage would be to stay with us.

Good thoughts to you, Myzen.