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#1
Dec 04, 2008, 05:42 AM
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I wanted to write this out and figured this would be the area to do it in, I want to write it out because I figured it'd help me perhaps sort out what's actually bothering me, whether it was from my past, or something more recent or even both. I'll start from the earliest I can remember...or when I think the trouble began....
When I was 12 Mum and Dad got a divorce, and I thought that Dad was the cause of it happening, but as I got older I started to see things from both sides and I could fit the jigsaw together. Mum was a very jealous person, dad couldn't even watch a shampoo advert without getting told off. Before the divorce took place, mum went to see a social worker...he was married and they eventually had a relationship and recently got married...right?? Illegal. Mum and David (the social worker) moved to Mount Gambier, I stayed with Dad but eventually moved to mum's when I was about 13. I thought David was a nice guy, and thought I could trust him, with him being a social worker and all, boy was I wrong. He yelled at me alot, I could never do anything wrong. I should also mention my mum as MS (not sure of the spelling), I helped around the house as much as I could so mum didn't have to; I cooked, cleaned and did the washing, yet it was never enough for David. We started fighting all the time, me and David, then one day he went too far...david yelled at me for having a friend walk me home and I was 2 minutes late...2 minutes. He hit me and kicked me out, mum stood by and did nothing, she had a ticket booked for my bus trip home back to be with dad the very next morning, I was 15. When I moved back with Dad at grandmas place, it wasn't much different then when I had left. Nothing much else happened from there on. i wasn't diagnosed with Anxiety until last year, I was 16 when I was diagnosed. I've been fine since I've been on medication, until recently. My bf of 6 months (i know 6 months sounds ridiculous, but he had never mentioned this before) he dumped me because he "...couldn't handle..." my depresssion, which was strange coz he had never had a problem with it before. Now my anxiety is through the roof again, I'm having trouble sleeping, I tried staying at a friends house because I'm relaxed around him and it didn't work, I'm having trouble keeping my food down. So yeah, I don't know what else to write lol just needed to get that out 
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#2
Dec 04, 2008, 09:46 AM
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Kyras, I could see some things in your background which would not bring you security while you were growing up. I think that an insecure environment while growing up causes anxiety. First your parents split and then you have to share a household with someone who puts you on edge (David) then he kicks you out and your mum doesn't say anything. These things don't bring security. Now it seems that being thrown out has been triggered by your bf breaking up with you. You can work through these past issues and your feelings about them and leave them in the past. You can build a secure life today.......
How are things living with your dad?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Dec 04, 2008, 10:53 AM
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Kyras,
I agree with what Sannah is saying, insecurity can lead to anxiety and depression. If your ex never mentioned having a problem with your depression before he may just be using it as an excuse to break up. Can you work with a therapist? It may help you to explore these issues further. 
__________________
 Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
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#4
Dec 04, 2008, 11:03 AM
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i think you are right on track ice and Sannah and excellent description of how it felt then and now Kyras cause i felt the insecurities a lot as i was growing up too and left untended they continue growing so i'm happy there is PC to help in these times like this...
it makes me examine the roots of my insecurities... the chain of events that led me to the place i am now matters it seems and each event was like a tic of the clock but instead of moving forwards i moved backwards it seemed... knowing i was sinking gave me nearly indescribable feelings of insecurity...... panic, stress, fear, worry, and lonliness as i went deeper and deeper... look for all light available in these dark times you are feeling again... you've found it before and it hasnt gone from where it was..... try and you can make it! |
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#5
Dec 04, 2008, 06:14 PM
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Me and Dad get along fine, I don't really see him that much as he lives with his gf and they have 2 children.
The doctor wants me to see a therapist, but i was a little unsure about it before, but i think i'll give it shot, what have i got to lose lol 
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 Sannah
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