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#1
Feb 08, 2009, 06:55 PM
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I feel like Boo Radley tonight. (of my own choosing, however)
I moved in with my Mom 5 months ago. I lived alone for a long time before this. I am a serious germ phobic and social phobic. I’m ok with my mom, but no one else. My mom is having a small dinner party tonight. And I am going to be hiding in my bedroom. The plan is for me to be in my bedroom and the door shut before the door bell rings. Mom is OK with this. She would love for me to join them but understands that is not possible. Anyway, they will be here in about an hour and I am already starting to get anxious. My chest is tightening up, my throat is constricting, my heart is doing flip flops... What I am most worried about is if I will have to use the bathroom. It is right across the hall from my room and a ways away from the living/dining area, but I will just DIE is someone sees me dart across the hall. And I am super worried that someone will use the bathroom. MY bathroom and get their germs all over it. My mom is going to ask them to use the other bathroom, but how can I be sure?????? Anyway, it's really freaking me out. I wish she didn't have to do this, but I am pretending its all fine and dandy with me. I don't want to spoil my mom's social life!!!! But I don't know how I am going to get through this and I am not even required to show my face!!!! Am I a total freak? PS I don't have any meds!!! I stopped taking my meds. Usually, I would use them to knock myself out in a situation like this. Now I don't have them!!!! Am I going to be ok????? |
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#2
Feb 08, 2009, 09:23 PM
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it sounds like your mom understands that being around people is hard for you, i see that a plus... being the way you are doesnt make you a freak... i have a lot of problems too you see and i go through periods of time when i think i am a freak or i think i may be going crazy. but i have one really good friend who i always call when i feel down, axiouse, or paranoide and he helps me calm down and see reality again.
i hope everything ends up fine for you and that you are safe tonight...
__________________
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