[anxietygirl]

I feel so guilty for taking AD and I feel like I am sinning because I should be able to control my anxiety and fears. I keep thinking that maybe the devil is trying to make me weak and these drugs are making me weak and vulnerable to evil. I have absolutely no clue as to where this fear of demons came from. It just hit me with no reason. I am afraid to tell my doctor that that is what is causing my anxiety because I am afraid he will think I am crazy. At night, I think my bed is being shaken and I think I hear something when I am first starting to go to sleep. I only have these things happen when I am beginning to go to sleep. Has anyone ever felt this way before? How can I stop this irrational fear of being possessed by a demon? I think about it all day long.

[AdamAW]

You don't need to feel bad about taking AD. If you need it and it works for you then it's the right thing to do.

[Can't Remember]

Yes I have. The bed shaking and the demon fear. It was at its peak when I took paxil. For three straight days I was afraid to sleep and I spent all night with all the lights on saying prayers and holding a crucifix. That was 7 years ago. Sometimes I still feel the bed shake but I think its just my insides shaking with the anxiety. I was brought up in a very pentecostal household and have a very healthy fear of the devil. I'm sorry you're going through this. I remember the terror.

[anxietygirl]

I also spent 4 nights awake praying and reading the bible. The lexapro has helped some but I still get afraid and I feel like I cant sleep unless I take the klonopin bc it relaxes my mind. My husband thinks I have lost it. I cant talk to anyone about it because they would think I was crazy. I have been terrified that maybe I am having a break in reality and that I have schizophrenia. I want to see a therapist but I am afraid they would put me away if I told them my fear. I dont know what to do. I can go days without it bothering me and then I will be afraid again. I have caught myself jerking in my sleep so I think the bed shaking might be me jerking my legs or arms. But the thoughts run wild and I am obssessed with the thought of a demon coming to get me. My mom was killed in a car accident two years ago and I had the same fear one night after she died but it didn't linger. I wonder if I am dealing with some repressed grief bc I really didn't get the chance to grieve.

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by anxietygirl

I feel so guilty for taking AD and I feel like I am sinning because I should be able to control my anxiety and fears. I keep thinking that maybe the devil is trying to make me weak and these drugs are making me weak and vulnerable to evil. I have absolutely no clue as to where this fear of demons came from. It just hit me with no reason. I am afraid to tell my doctor that that is what is causing my anxiety because I am afraid he will think I am crazy. At night, I think my bed is being shaken and I think I hear something when I am first starting to go to sleep. I only have these things happen when I am beginning to go to sleep. Has anyone ever felt this way before? How can I stop this irrational fear of being possessed by a demon? I think about it all day long.

Although I am not for taking ADs for my personal reasons (my main fear is weight gain---i have body image issues). Maybe this sudden fear of demon are the meds? Maybe you need something else??? If you tell him he may think you need to change meds.. I am thinking these meds aren't right for you and they are not helping at all. Can you please talk to your pdoc/doctor about this? What is the point in taking something that is not helping the situation???

[anxietygirl]

Originally Posted by lifelesstraveled

Although I am not for taking ADs for my personal reasons (my main fear is weight gain---i have body image issues). Maybe this sudden fear of demon are the meds? Maybe you need something else??? If you tell him he may think you need to change meds.. I am thinking these meds aren't right for you and they are not helping at all. Can you please talk to your pdoc/doctor about this? What is the point in taking something that is not helping the situation???

I wasn't taking any meds when this happened, I went on the meds after I had this fear. I am able to sleep now, but I am afraid that it will happen again. The meds have helped in that I am able to eat now, when this all happened my stomach was in knots and I was sick and couldnt eat and I didnt sleep for 4 days. With the meds, I have been able to sleep again but sometimes I am still afraid, so for the most part, I think it is just really bad anixety. I have alot going on right now.

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by anxietygirl

I wasn't taking any meds when this happened, I went on the meds after I had this fear. I am able to sleep now, but I am afraid that it will happen again. The meds have helped in that I am able to eat now, when this all happened my stomach was in knots and I was sick and couldnt eat and I didnt sleep for 4 days. With the meds, I have been able to sleep again but sometimes I am still afraid, so for the most part, I think it is just really bad anixety. I have alot going on right now.

I just deleted an entire response and now am writing another. I am worried about you. Could you be suffering from PTSD from the death of your mother? HOw long have you had this fear??? I had a thought like that running thru my mind for 3 straight month...by the third month I was a complete zombie--completely detached and numb.

You know that your thinking is crazy making...but you can't stop. I overstand completely.

I think you need see a therapist. Would you consider that??? have you seen a therapist since the death of your mother??? Maybe a T will help you process your grief and help with your anxiety? They won't put you away because of your fear. Please consider seeing a therapist.

Maybe I am way off base here...

-LLT

[thelostone]

if the AD helps, then take it. you are not a sinner because you can't control your anxiety. the worst with anxiety is that it interferes with your sleeping and eating, and when you don't sleep and eat properly your anxiety gets worse. it's a vicious circle.

it sounds like therapy might help. i also feared being "locked up" for being "crazy", but did some research and found out that unless i am a danger to myself or others they can't lock you up.

sending hugs and i hope things get better for you.

lost

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by anxietygirl

I also spent 4 nights awake praying and reading the bible. The lexapro has helped some but I still get afraid and I feel like I cant sleep unless I take the klonopin bc it relaxes my mind. My husband thinks I have lost it. I cant talk to anyone about it because they would think I was crazy. I have been terrified that maybe I am having a break in reality and that I have schizophrenia. I want to see a therapist but I am afraid they would put me away if I told them my fear. I dont know what to do. I can go days without it bothering me and then I will be afraid again. I have caught myself jerking in my sleep so I think the bed shaking might be me jerking my legs or arms. But the thoughts run wild and I am obssessed with the thought of a demon coming to get me. My mom was killed in a car accident two years ago and I had the same fear one night after she died but it didn't linger. I wonder if I am dealing with some repressed grief bc I really didn't get the chance to grieve.

((((anxietygirll))))first, many of us benefit from taking AD. so if they are helping you i'd suggest you keep taking them.
your therapist or pdoc will not think less of you for expressing the things you told us here. they are specifically there to help us get better.i hope you will tell one of them about your fears of the demons, etc. i certainly don't think you are insane. you made perfect sense to me.
i do beleive, altho i am not a doc, that your mother's death did impact your life. this is another thing you may want to discuss with your pdoc or T.
i hope you will keep us posted on how you are doing. we care a lot for you!!

[kittykins9]

It took me years to adjust to taking medication. I just have a natural bent that didn't want to go that way. Even though I knew that my condition was caused by chemical imbalances, I just couldn't buy that it wasn't a situation I could handle on my own, if I was just strong enough to do it. Can you talk to a T about your feelings on this-- or even a family doctor?

The other thing I wanted to say was my family was really "against' psychiatric drugs, and that really made it even harder. It did take me a long time to realize that these medications were no different than taking insulin for diabets or taking antibiotics if I had an infection. We don't feel so guilty when we get strep throat and need to treat it. There continues to be prejudice against ADs because they're thought of as not treating medical conditions-- and we have to keep reminding ourselves that most depression and anxiety has a medical root. You didn't make your brain anxious-- your body's chemistry did that.

Bear in mind how strong you are for seeking treatment for you condition. You are strong and through this treatment you can find wellness.

best to you,
kittykins9

[anxietygirl]

[quote=lifelesstraveled;939085]I just deleted an entire response and now am writing another. I am worried about you. Could you be suffering from PTSD from the death of your mother? HOw long have you had this fear??? I had a thought like that running thru my mind for 3 straight month...by the third month I was a complete zombie--completely detached and numb.

You know that your thinking is crazy making...but you can't stop. I overstand completely.

I think you need see a therapist. Would you consider that??? have you seen a therapist since the death of your mother??? Maybe a T will help you process your grief and help with your anxiety? They won't put you away because of your fear. Please consider seeing a therapist.

Yes, I would consider seeing a therapist. I never thought that it could be PTSD, but maybe it could be. It was very traumatic. Sometimes, I still can't believe it happened. For months after it happened, I would think to myself, "That did not happen, it didn't happen." I questioned everything I believed in. I have always been a Christian, but I was angry at God for taking my mom. I was angry that she had to die that way, it wasn't right. She didn't deserve to die that way. She was in car in her own lane and someone swerved infront of an 18 wheeler and the 18 wheeler hit that car into my mother who was pushed up against a cement barrier. She died at the scene. She died on a freeway in rush morning traffic. I wondered for days and days after, if she new she was dying, did she know she was going to die, was she afraid, was she in pain, did she feel alone, did she worry about leaving me and her grandkids behind and her sick mother. I know now that she probaly didn't know what was happening, because it happened in a second and there probaly wasn't time to think. She died quick. I found out while I was driving to the doctor. I pulled my car over and sat on the side of the road until someone came to get me. I saw the traffic backed up on the freeway. I knew she was alone on the freeway. I didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't get to tell her I loved her. I tried to call her the night before, but her phone was busy. I miss her. I want her back. I still need her. I am not mad at God anymore, I'm just sad. I have no one to really talk to. This is getting alot off my chest. I feel like people think, it's been two years, get over it, but I can't. All this anxiety hit me Christmas morning at 4am. I literally had panic attacks for 4 days straight. The medication is helping. I just have days when I feel very afraid and alone. I don't have anyone to fall back on. I have to keep going because I am responsible for everything in my family My husband doesn't help. I told him one day that I would see my mom in heaven again and that that made me happy, and he told me I wouldn't see her ever again because there was no heaven. Even if her truly believes that, why would he say that to me? Thank you for listening. I will be calling a counselor to talk to.