Ok, hope this is the right place to post this, because it's a social anxiety related disorder I believe.

When I was a kid, social services told me I had selective mutism, because I was unable to talk in certain situations.

Are you supposed to "grow" out of it? 9 years later from when social services told me I had it, I still freeze up and can't talk sometimes. It's not too bad, I can talk at work, which is the important thing, but sometimes at home and when my friends used to try and drag me out for coffee, I'd just lose all ability to talk. It gets to be a huge bother when I have to call my friends, so I dial the phone, and then sometimes it comes up and I can't talk.

But I can speak fine at home sometimes, and fine at work (which you'd think would be a place that would make one anxious).

So anyone else have any experience with it? I'm not sure it's called "selective mutism" because I thought that was supposed to only affect children.

[Perna]

I think it is probably called "selective" because you kind of get to decide when it operates. It would be detrimental to have it kick in at work so you don't use it then whereas for whatever reason, with your friends you may be trying to help yourself by not talking, not yelling at them or telling them to go away, etc.

It doesn't sound like you ever got therapy for it? So, don't know that it would go away when you got older. They're looking into biological causes now too:

http://www.selectivemutism.org/find-...3-teens-adults

Like your new name too, Griffe.

[bchlyn]

i have had children in my class with selective mutism... it's an anxiety disorder .... and what i have found is for some children it's that they need to feel safe before they will talk ... others it's more of a power issue... their power has been taken and they can control who the speak with... when it happens are there triggers?... for one child i found the trigger was when ever their was a new adult in the room... so i tried really hard to control that... it took her more then a year before i heard her speak... i work with at risk children so sometimes we have more adults in the room then children... so for her i made sure that the same adults from the different agencies came when it was necessary... lyn

Thanks for the link, I don't know where you manage to find all these helpful URLs, it's pretty impressive! Already started reading it.

Something triggering it is true, I knew when I get really mad sometimes it comes on, same thing with when I get really scared.

[Kiya]

huh - i'd not heard of that before, but certainly have ben affected by it. When under pressure I couldn't speak at all to my (abusive) boyfriend. He was grilling me on why i was such a lousy gf. In a desperate attempt to communicate i lunged for a pad of paper and pen, but he wouldn't let me. He yelled, "NO! you TALK to me. NOW" and i couldn't say a word. I was 18. Then later in my first therapy setting (terrified!!) I could not speak to the male t either. we spent an entire hour with me trying to even hang my jaw open so words could spill out - but none did. Then he said "Well that was a waste of my time and yours". Since then i have had plenty of times in therapy (various female ts) where I couldn't talk for some of the session... at least until t changes the topic to daily life or work.
I want to check out that link, too.

[Kiya]

I just read on that site "There are actual physiological reasons as to why you cannot talk! Did you know that when you are anxious, the muscles surrounding your vocal cords tense up???"

Yes!!! I do know that!! In that situation i often feel as if I am chocking - or being choked from within! This is really strange for me to read because I think i am dealing with alters in DID and i have thought for the past 5 years that it is THE all-importante controller that is silencing me, like a hand clentched around my throat. I'm going to try and talk about this with t.

Soooooooooooo glad you brought this up Griffe!!!
Thanks for the link, Perna

[somebodysomeday]

Ive never really heard of it...but i stopped talking when i was 9 in grade four...i stopped playing with the other kids and id just go sit under the trees and read my books...it started when i lived with my grandparents on the school holidays...(in hindsight: it probably happened because i was being abused there)..and then it just continued on at school...it didn't last very long after getting back to school as i was taken straight to child psychiatrists at the childrens hospital and psychologists and i started talking again..i don't remember much of it...and didn't really take much notice or think it was a problem...my parents were the ones who took me to the apptments but it was my school who organized it...and even with these interventions...the abuse was still missed.....probably because i was never asked about it...not that i remember...and i couldn't articulate it anyway....hmm..well it's just a distant memory for me...i don't think it really impacted me too much...they just put it down to shyness and low self esteem and sent me to kids art classes which i loved...:-)

[pachyderm]

I have selective mutism of the thought processes.

[pachyderm]

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Kiya said:
I could not speak to the male t either. we spent an entire hour with me trying to even hang my jaw open so words could spill out - but none did. Then he said "Well that was a waste of my time and yours".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Not a very perceptive T. You give him a nice (if obscure) clue and he says it is a waste of his time?

Nice to know I'm not alone in this (although sorry other people have this problem too).

I write stuff down too when I can't talk, but it looks really weird, just grabbing for a pen and paper when I can't communicate verbally.

It gets really tough.

[Perna]

I'd think of it a little like I do stuttering; would take a lot of hard work to improve it. I hope being older doesn't make it that much harder as there are bound to be more complicated psychological processes at work than with a child and not having "practiced" getting over it as a child, might be harder all around to work with.

[momo7]

I wonder if I have selective mutism because I do not think i am shy I can easy have a conversation with my friends or fellow classmates ,but when it comes to someone I admire or a teacher I feel very uncomfortable. Just being in they presents or seeing them in the hall makes me panic. It interferes with my daily life because I can never ask them for help or raise my hand in class.A few days ago I was getting ready for mid-term exams.I was asking people around me for help on a chemistry problem this girl yelled out go ask (teacher's name) signifying her own frustration with the problem.we were but two yards from him so she did not have to be that lowed to get his attention. I was petrified, I saw the teachers face of surprise not at the girl but me thinking "maybe she will ask for my help" because he know,from observation of past days,that I would rather ask 10 people before him.I was able to look back at my paper pretending to work on it as he went back to what he was doing on the computer.Also, at our school we have a marching band class I love it it is my favorite class and this year I wanted to apply to be a "DI" (help people with marching,music, assistant to the section leader). I am afraid she will not select me thinking I am too shy but I think I would be go at it and enjoy it, I am not shy I cannot be.As for the people I admire I do not believe I can ever have a boy friend or be friends with the people I really value. It leaves a emptiness I become angry with my self for my inability to control these anxiety like feelings. This problem is only increasing and I cannot understand why. I do not know how I am going to solve this problem and I believe it will hamper my adult professional life.

[Anirtak]

Originally Posted by Griffe

Are you supposed to "grow" out of it? 9 years later from when social services told me I had it, I still freeze up and can't talk sometimes. It's not too bad, I can talk at work, which is the important thing, but sometimes at home and when my friends used to try and drag me out for coffee, I'd just lose all ability to talk. It gets to be a huge bother when I have to call my friends, so I dial the phone, and then sometimes it comes up and I can't talk.

But I can speak fine at home sometimes, and fine at work (which you'd think would be a place that would make one anxious).

So anyone else have any experience with it? I'm not sure it's called "selective mutism" because I thought that was supposed to only affect children.

I've had selective mutism since I was 12 years old (I'm 19 now). I'm an adult now so I guess it doesn't only affect children. I can talk freely to my family but not to most everyone else. I can't even talk to people on the phone besides my immediate family. Most of the time I can order food at restaurants though a lot of the time the waiter can't hear me. When I went to school I could only talk to my classmates when the teachers weren't watching.

Selective mutism is probably my biggest problem. I just get so anxious that I can't speak. I usually communicate to people by writing though sometimes I get too scared to even do that.