Broken

Hello all,

Last night while in the middle of trying complete like 5 different projects I took a "break" and went online searching for the symptoms of ADHD.

When I found a few sites where they described the symptoms I wanted to break up crying. I didn't let myself, don't know why but the tears came to my eyes.

I know that I have ADHD. I've know that for a while now but never took it very seriously. Then other people started to notice it and still I kind of brushed it off. Or just got distracted by a million other things. Less then two years ago in college I was taking an exam and although i passed it (just barely) I made the most stupidest mistakes possible on the test. The mistakes were so ridiculous that the next class after the teacher handed out the exam she actually got in front of the class and spent almost half the class time talking about her daughter who was recently diagnosed with ADHD. She also spent a lot of time saying things like "It's alright to get help if you need it...", "She's now in medical school adn doing great...". I know the rest of the class was like "WTF? Why is she telling us this?" but I knew why. Why was because I had managed to spell my own name wrong on the test...creating some sort of hybrid of my first and last name meshed together on the page. And no it's not my nickname or alias. Then on a multiple choice question where the list of possible answers ranged from "A to D", I brilliantly came up with the answer "N". When I saw my test I was mortified. My mind had been 1000 miles away and what's worst...it's kept jumping around even from then. I've made absolutely ridiculous mistakes like that all my life, although that was the first time anyone ever caught on in such a way, you know? Usually I am good at explaining away the stupidity, or, i just let the person think i'm a moron if I don't really care what they thing anyway. I've developed a kind of aloof, class-clown persona which makes it good to hide my problems.

i've had more jobs then I can count, some of them I have been good at, but I just can't focus. I have SOOO many projects, GOOD-GREAT-IDEAS, things that in all honesty could have made me very rich by now. But i cannot concentrate! I cannot get anything done! I juggle so many things at once and end up not being able to compelete anyone of them. I'm not lazy...I am always doing SOMETHING...But I can never finish what's most important to me. My mother just made a comment the other day that she doesn't understand why my apartment is so messy when she comes over because I am always cleaning!

After reading the descriptions of the symptoms I do know I have most of them/ I think I do listen to people but yes I am always cutting people off. I try not to but at the same time I can't help it. I have so many hobbies, intrest, causes. I am like a child in that EVERYTHING is just so facinating to me. What a dazzeling world we live in, so full of intresting people, events and thoughts! I don't consider myself extremely emotional, and I am not a touchy feely person. I don't hate when people touch me, unless they are a stranger...but I don't like it much either and though i can be very loving, i am not very affectionate.

So i want to know other then psycho reactive drugs what do you do to manage this? How do you manage this? I feel so unaccomplished in life and the thing is I know I am a smart, talented person. I feel life if i could just, for the life of me, learn to focus I would do wonderful things!

Also i read on another thread some one said that ADHD is a blessing as well as a curse. Another person said that ADHD gives people abilities that others don't have, could someone elaborate on this? I do believe I have some peculiar creative abilities, and I've never met anyone, even when I was in art school, who was the same. I remember in high school I managed to fail the same remedial math class twice...simulaneously though I was in Advanced Placement and honors in most of my other classes. Is something like that typical of someone with ADHD? It's like half of my brain is unplugged and the other half is able to the most complex things with absolute ease...

I know exactly wht you are feelign and going thru. I could ahve read most of your post myself. Although not officially diagnosed with ADD yet (I find out in 2 days) I have all the signs.
It is very frustrating when we are very busy all day long but then at the end of the day you look back and nothing is done. Lots of things gets started but nothing is done. The laundry got to the washer, but never the drier. The tub is clean but not the bathroom floor or sink... etc.
Since I am new to this iI can not help with any advice, but at least you are not alone. And I know there are many others out there jsut like us and you ahve come to the right place to try to find some answers.

Good Luck!

Krystal

Wow, I can really relate to this. I am always doing multiple projects and working all day long, but I can never seem to complete things. I get distracted a lot and I am interested in just about everything. Three of my sons have ADHD and two of them do a lot better on meds, but I never thought I had it until people I worked with told me how hyper I am. I don't know. I have always felt scattered and disorganized. Yet, I have accomplished a lot in my life in spite of the mess and chaos.

Wondrwoman