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#1
Apr 22, 2009, 10:59 PM
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I have a great son. A 10 year old who has the best heart on a kid I have ever seen. He is always kind to everyone, and always trying to make friends. He has also had a pretty rough life at a young age. He had an abusive stepfather for 2 years when he was 4-5 which had a tramatic affect on him and things are still coming out even now, probably will keep coming out. His mother had him tested for ADD, and he was diagnosed at the age of 8 with it. He has been on Ritalin since then, but he still has a hard time being disruptive in class, not knowing when to quit teasing, very immature compared to the rest of his classmates, has no impulse control, and the list goes on. I just returned from a concert type school function, which he was part of, and I watched him with his classmates and you probably know the stark differences between how he acted during the performances and the rest of his class. When everyone was cheering and clapping, he was clamping his hands over his ears and acting like his head was exploding. When everyone was clapping to the beat of the music, he was bouncing on his chair stomping his feet. He has a tendency to over dramatize everything along with disassociating himself from the moment. In short, he gets into a fantasy world whenever the mood seems to hit, which is very often. If I keep my thumb on him.. he is as calm and focused as can be.. but I cant always be there... I dont know where to go from here.. Should I be more stern? Should I take drastic actions? Where he doesnt live with me all the time.. what can I do? I am at my wits end. Any suggestions? I am very concerned that his lack of maturity and his disassociation will lead to even bigger problems in a couple of years when he becomes a teenager and I wont know anything
 I would love to hear some suggestions, tips, anything. He is too bright, and too loving of a boy to go through life with no direction. |
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#2
Apr 24, 2009, 07:25 AM
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help him to understand why the way he is so he can be aware and accepting of himself even though others may not understand . over dramtizing can be the sign of someone whos expressive in the arts field such as acting. teasing can be a sign of a blossoming comedian, the reaction to sounds may be disruptive for him to focus or hes sensitve to loud sounds. ask him how he feels , why he needs to shut out the sound. he needs a mother whos knowledgable about ADHD symptoms . and probably could use a good therapist specilaizing in ADHD. maybe another drug than ritalin would help. The part aout him bieng imature for his age. Humm... he's only 10. Im very much like your som and im over 50. Some probably think Im imature. I'm just real creative, and I like humour the crafting of it I enjoy that. Some people take offense to playful teasing it can be a way to connect . But not if its making fun of someone whos maybe homely looking or overweight or gay or has a mental illness. Unfortunately thats what some comedians do . at others expense. We laugh at the craft of humour I think, but when its directed at our sore spots we loose sight of the genius and the spontinaety behind the comments. Ten year olds may not get this yet on both sides of in the creator and the receptor roles. Others who do not see this in another feel disturbed and then feel the need to admonish call one imature and then control another in unhelpful ways that end up bieng , well , abusive . Creativity is a wonderful thing. Its inspired at times one has no control over . When it happens its a mirical in itself . Sometimes if not expresssed in the moment it arives it can be lost. thank goodness for creativity and thinking outside the box. Im trying to get much of what your asking for your son and some drug help too but not having much sucess . Im doing my own research . If you have the funds get him good help. I'm sorry there is not a parent section here for you . Keep searching for support you will find it. Patricia Last edited by Auroralso; Apr 24, 2009 at 07:54 AM. Reason: add ed on the part about creativity and humour |
 AbbysDad
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#3
Apr 24, 2009, 11:27 PM
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Thank you for the thought... and I understand what you are saying about his spontenaety. as I said.. he is a loving, kind person. A rarity to see in school kids it seems. the immaturity is a given, I expect a 10 year old to be a 10 year old... no exception to my son, but trying to get him to tone it down just a notch is a toughy.. I am looking into a ADHD counselor. Thank you for your comments... it is usually a great thing to have an outside point of view to slap us in the face once in a while, and now is no exception... Too often I find myself too focused in on trying to make things better, I keep hitting the same wall when the door is right there.
Thanks |
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#4
Apr 25, 2009, 11:07 PM
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Hi AbbysDad, Im learning all kinds of things right now about myself and ADHD. I didn't know that hyperactivity / fidgeting / and distraction / disruption are the ways a person tries to stimulate a sluggish brain . When you look at it from that stand point you can see the need for the ratcheting up behaviors . I'm just a newbie at this. Im glad to help in what ever way I can .  Patricia |
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#5
May 29, 2009, 10:07 AM
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Hi! Your description of your son sounds very similar to my son. My son is 6 years old and has ADHD. He started school in August and has had a very HARD year. I read a lot of books about ADHD and Character Traits (ex. think before you act) with him (All Dogs Have ADHD is a great book), we TRY to be positive with him, he goes to counseling, attends a group to work on his social skills (he has almost none) and takes vitamins. I'm not sure about putting him on medication, what do you think? This has been very hard on our whole family. My husband works a lot and is having a hard time understanding this is a medical condition. What kind of punishment do you give your son? I feel punishment is hard because I understand my son can't help many of the things he does, but at the same time we can't let him run around wild. Well keep your head up; you’re not alone in this battle.
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#6
Jun 11, 2009, 08:20 PM
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In my opinion, it is definitely worth trying medication to see if it helps - I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, and I find that medication really helps me to focus on my work. I am also a teacher who works in an inclusion classroom (mix of special ed and non-special ed kids), and I have a lot of students with ADHD. I work with high school kids, not elementary schoolers, but I have seen the difference medication can make. For instance, one of my most hyperactive-impulsive students (and I have a lot of those, so he, as one of the most ADHD students, is a pretty extreme example), who also has some additional learning difficulties, could not sit still and pay attention long enough learn anything. He also tends to get in a lot of trouble for his behavior. Last marking period he started taking medication, and his grades have gone from from a marking period average of about 40% to a C or C-. I also think he has been getting into less trouble during this time. He really notices the difference, too - on several days when I have noticed that he is getting absolutely no work done at all and I have confronted him about it, he has confessed that he forgot to take his medication that morning and was having a lot of trouble concentrating as a result. I know of some other students who are failing simply because they are too spacey to pay attention to anything that is going on in the class, despite the intervention of special education services, and I suspect that their grades would also improve with medication. For a student of your son's age, it is very important that he is enabled to pay attention at this time of life, as this is the age at which he needs to be developing crucial academic skills such as his reading abilities. As an English teacher and tutor, I have seen how much trouble kids have if they get behind in their reading skills early on: kids who have reading deficits in early elementary school and never get around to "catching up" on these deficits have a hard time all through school because they don't have the skills they need to comprehend the material. It's a lot harder to succeed with poor reading skills when you are in high school and have to wade through works like Shakespeare plays and The Scarlet Letter, not to mention the fact that many high school students' time is so consumed by homework and extracurriculars that they don't have time for the tutoring they need to catch up on their reading and/or math skills. If there's a chance that taking medication could help him concentrate so that he can be successful in school now, he won't be so likely to end up in the situation that I see so many high school students in: the initial situation of academic deficits is further compounded by the low self esteem and emotional problems that naturally occur after a kid experiences years of academic failure and, as a result, starts to think that he/she is "stupid" and "will never amount to anything." Many kids really come to believe this about themselves to the point that they stop trying in school and therefore turn their faulty beliefs about their abilities into self-fulfilling prophecies. Incidentally, increased attention span as a result of medication may also help him develop those social skills that you say he is lacking. That is why I think it is worth it for your son to try anything that might help him, including medication, and try it sooner rather than later. If he tries one medication and it doesn't seem to be working, don't give up - I tried Adderall at various doses and it didn't work for me at all, but now I am on Concerta and it is working much better. Just tell the doctor how the medication is working (or not working) and he/she can continue trying different doses and/or medications until you find something that works. You also want to make sure you take him to a psychiatrist who knows a lot about ADHD, rather than to a family practice doctor or pediatrician, who may not be as knowleadgeable about ADHD or about psychotropic medications. For myself, I am more inattentive than hyperactive, but I find that medication helps me with particular areas that have always caused me academic trouble because of ADHD - for me, this has most notably been careless mistakes on math problems. It also helps me to concentrate enough to get my work done, and helps me not to misplace things all the time. I hope this info helps. Good luck to your son! Last edited by kate81; Jun 11, 2009 at 08:47 PM. |
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#7
Jun 11, 2009, 08:39 PM
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Yeah, it sounds like finding a counselor might not be a bad idea, one who not only knows about ADHD, but also can help him deal with the trauma you say he has been through - it sounds like this could also be a cause for his disruptive behavior. Best of luck!
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#8
Jul 14, 2009, 01:32 AM
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Wish my dad thought of asking someone for advice, rather than punishing me whenever I misbehaved. I was a good student when it came to classes I enjoyed like reading and writing, even foreign languages as a child. When it came to math or history however, I would quite literally rather count the spots on the ceiling rather than take the time to notice that my teacher was asking me a question. When my school councelors approached him about medications or a therapist, he found it laudable that anything would help. I only wonder if I had gotten some help in the past, perhaps I wouldn't have flunked out of my first college symester. Although going through my parent's divorce at the time gave me little motivation to own up to my potential as well...
Glad to see that you're looking into the cause, and finding the best solution for the problem. Hope everything turns out well for you. Best of luck! |
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