[laurathepod]

Hi - I'm new to this stuff... but am so frustrated, and need to talk to someone about my relationship with my ADD husband. He was diagnosed about 2 years ago after suffering a breakdown, of sorts. We have been through the gammit with psychiatrists, and drugs. He is currently on Wellbutrin, Effexor and Adderal. The combo seems to help him focus - but he is still so addictive.

We changes our lives in order to send him back to school to achieve his life dream - and he does well most of the time. What is frustrating me is his 'addictive' behaviors. He drinks (yes, even with the combo of drusgs he is on), then he lies to me about it - even though the charges are on our account. It's like he needs to have a vice. He needs to have something to feel guilty about.

He goes to the psych - not as often as he should - but he goes. However, I have a keen suspision that he is lying to them too. He is quite good at false impressions. He wasn't fully diagnosed with ADD until he was 35. He is very smart, and very good with people - most don't realize how scattered he is until they really get to know him or have lived with him.

My problem is that I love him very much - I honestly believe we are soul mates - but I can't seem to help him anymore- and he can't get it together to help himself. I don't know what to do at this point. I'm very tired, and very frustrated. Any advice out there from other spouses?

[darkeyes]

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time, have you ever tried going to couple's therapy about this?
If not have you thought of talking with a therapist or even his pdoc on some ways of really helping him from a professional's point of view?
It is so frustrating when you have probably tried just about everything, I am sure.
Have you ever considered a new pdoc for him, there is a possiblity that maybe his pdoc and him aren't a good match, and hasn't really hit on the proper diagnosis which can result on your husband not recieving the proper medication for the disorder, this can sometimes make matters worse, especially if he may really be Bipolar with or without ADD, the meds for the ADD (stimulants) can fuel hypomania or full blown mania, there often can be an overlap of behaviour(s) that one disorder can be mistaken for the other, and it is possible a person can have both disorders, but the pdoc's usually first like to treat the patient for the bipolar end and then work with the ADD next, as a precaution not to prescribe stimulants for the ADD and then turn around and find they can be fueling hypomania or even mania.
At this point maybe a second opinion from a new pdoc would be most beneficial. Oh, I think and I am almost sure that any trained pdoc can tell if a patient is lieing to them, and they can tell too if the patient is non-compliant with their meds. His drinking is his way of self medicating, it probably is helping him to "calm" himself down in his own mind, though it isn't helping him at all, trying to convince him of that is another hard thing, especially if he has already had a drink or two. You may want to have a seperate appt. with the pdoc that is treating him and unfortunately "tattle" on him if he is not coming out with all the things he is going through and experiencing, I know it sounds strange to do that it can help though, willing the pdoc is cool with that. I think for your own sanity and well being you really need to talk to a professional about different ways to go with this. This is a really tough time for you and also for your husband, it has to be equally frustrating for him too, I wish you both lots of luck with this.
Take care,
"darkeyes"

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON