[JenKat]

Hi guys, I'm an "outsider" here-I don't have ADD myself, but my little brother does suffer from the disorder. He's 20 and really struggling with college at the moment, and I really want to find a way to help him and be a supportive sister. He attends community college, and recently let us know that he has not been attending school for the past month; evidently he's been driving around, hanging out at bookstores and stuff rather than going to classes. Of course, I'm very concerned. I could care less about the schoolwork, what's more important to me is his overall well-being, and obviously this is not normal behavior. My parents think he is just being lazy, but I really think its something more. I don't really know how to help him right now- I don't really know what one does to fight ADD. I, myself, deal with depression and attend therapy, so that always tends to be my first suggestion-see someone-but I don't know if that's something that would even help a person with ADD. I know how it feels to be sick and have no one understand, and I don't want my brother to feel the same-I want to understand as much as an "outsider" can. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks so much !

[DePressMe]

JenKat, My pdoc has given me meds that help considerably with my symptoms. But, really, it is up to me to want to get better and to do the things I need to do to organize my life. There are many little things I do—I use a day planner, make todo lists, eliminate distractions, try to focus on one task at a time—those are all things that can help me. Before I was treated with meds and started being proactive about my recovery, I did everything I could to not go to work, just like your brother does not go to school. I had severe depression and low self esteem because I felt like such a failure. I was convinced I was the laziest person in the world. But, my symptoms have improves drastically since I started addressing my ADD. It all comes down to me doing what I need to do to take care of myself—nobody else can do it for me. I don’t know how to get your brother help. The first stop for me was a psychiatrist who helped me with meds and a therapist who helped me with my self esteem. If your brother has not read a book about adult ADD, get him one. I learned a great deal from reading. It also made me feel a whole lot more normal when I understood that it was the ADD that caused my problems, not some internal defect.

[Zeemee]

Dear JenKat:

Your post did not say if your brother was diagnosed by a professional and taking his prescribed meds . For now, I will assume that this is the case. I have severe ADHD and know the challenges of attending college. I am in my late 40's now but I have been through it and would like to share what I think your brother my be feeling. First of all, I can almost guarantee his actions are NOT out of laziness. I believe he has become overwhelmed, he doesn't know what to do and he doesn't want to let people and himself down. An AD/HD person will put homework off, not deliberately....it is just the way our brains function. The more difficult the assignment, the more difficult it is to actually begin it, stay with it and finish it.. What happens next is the snowball effect. Now he is so far behind, he is totally overwhelmed. I could go on and on...but I have to stop myself. Good news though, there is plenty of help available for him. This site has wonderful resources for you to learn about this condition and perhaps even learn about how AD/HD affect family members, and so on. Also check out add.org For your brother and his academic needs: he has many legal, civil, human and service rights. Coaching, tutoring, academic counseling and/or educational accommodations are available for him. Your state has a Protection and Advocacy Department who are there for people like us with this condition and the learning disability that it causes. Please see this website: mentalhealth.samhsa.gov and another good site w/plenty of references/other site listings, etc. is: ldaamerica.us
I hope that all works out well for you, your brother and family. You are a sweet sister indeed! Happy Thanksgiving....keep us posted!

[Perna]

My brother use to spend hours driving around when he was in high school and home from college, etc. My stepson drives around now (and he is going to turn 41 in a week or two :-) I think guys do that to think. It's not great that he's skipping classes but I did that and "managed" to graduate. Can you talk to him at all?

I wish I could find a medication that my 14 year old son could take. He developed Tourette's Syndrome (multiple tics) from taking Ritalin. Docs say he can't take meds for ADD now because of that. He is having a very hard time in school with it.

I am having lots of difficulty studying in University with ADD and I haven't been able to get a doctor to officially diagnose me so I can get treatment. We have waitlists for medical specialists that have left me waiting 4 years to get in.