[wickedattraction]

So, when I was 2 I apparently banged my head against the wall, and had meltdowns. The reasons why are unclear, to my knowledge. I was interested in only my interests, and not interacting with other people my age (this was in preschool) I had motor skill delays which prevented me from learning how to swim or ride a bike. I had sensory issues like certain sounds that would irritate me (when I was 3, kids were singing happy birthday, and the notes of the song irritated me so much I threw a major fit, which caused me to get kicked out...and again in another preschool) I was dxed AS and ADHD when I was 4, because of that. Certain smells like certain types of paper or metal irritated me so much I couldn't eat around them, or else I felt like I would throw up. To this day I have OCD like symptoms if I touch something that smells unpleasant to me, I feel like I have to wash my hands immediately, and I am sensitive to loud noises. I took things like criticism personally because I'm assuming a part of the brain didn't register it fully - so I had meltdowns because of it. In school, I was hyperactive to the point where I was almost out of control, through second grade. I don't know why this was the case, while at home, I was fairly neutral - I suspect an anxiety of some sort had to do with this. I was on 30mg of adderall from ages 8-12 which made me rapidly mature and calm down. I had to start attending a special education/behavioral needs private school ever since I was 9 because according to my mom, "I couldn't function at public schools, my anxiety was so bad I was $#%^ myself every morning since the fourth grade, and if I stayed I probably would have become retarded or killed myself". Draw your own conclusions from that. I wouldn't say my social issues were that bad (from what I remember), although kids at public schools usually thought I was weird, but that was mostly because teachers treated me like an autistic, and I apparently needed an aide in elementary school (grades K-4) because "teachers and the public school board didn't know what to do with me". I did ok in private school (elementary) socially, I made some friends and people generally had nothing bad to say about me - and I didn't really need any special accommodations other than mild speech. Also, three years ago, I developed a tic where I blink and move my eyelids to the beat of a rhythm. But the funny thing is, I can control it, in public, or even alone - it just occurs when I get stimulated. I was wondering if this had to do with AS, ADHD, or some type of anxiety or OCD. It developed at a really dark time in my life, so it must have to do with some type of anxiety.

However, looking back now, my AS traits have really diminished, to the point where I was getting re-evaluated for AS a year ago (I don't remember where, but it wasn't by my shrink) and I was denied within 5 seconds. The only things that really stick out to me are the intense interests (which are really differentiating, by the way - I think my interests have been expanding lately, so I'm not so sure about this), and the sensitive hearing/slight sensory issues, and maybe the fact that I look younger than my age - and unless I'm misinformed, some cases of ADHD also have sensory issues? I don't always like change because of anxiety - but I can tolerate it and adapt, I don't usually melt down, I rationalize it. I've also learned through self reflection that my thinking has gotten very abstract - something that AS people have trouble with (so I've heard). I know that AS is something you can't outgrow. But I think the things that REALLY explain my social awkwardness stem from anxieties and depression and other things that made me lose interest in life, which left me with barely anything interesting to talk about with people, blah...I'm going on a tangent. Bottom line is I intuitively feel that if I become more balanced as a person, to the point where I'm actually comfortable with my interactions. I've read on message boards that a lot of people with AS can get really good at the socializing thing, but it always seems to take a big toll on them, and they have to withdraw into their habitat of special interests and stems and potential meltdowns, etc. I don't see this happening to me. So is it possible that I wasn't really AS at all, and had a some considerable ADHD dx, or some weird *** case of GAD or some novel anxiety disorder? A weird combination?

[Miswimmy1]

Intense interests can be a sign of hyperfocus- and add/adhd trait. That could be what you are talking about. Social skills issues can also be a result of impulsive behavior (blurting things out, not knowing how to relate, etc).

Anxiety/depression and add/adhd often are comorbid, so there could be an anxiety/depression diagnosis as well.

I don't know enough about AS to say anything but it definately sounds like you could have multiple things going on. As someone with ADHD and anxiety/depression, I can relate to many of the things you mentioned. My best suggestion is to get an evluation by a professional to sort it all out.

[Maus5321]

Sounds like me as a child for the most part. I did not have a lot of friends, I was always the weird or odd kid. But I had quite the imagination and I was really resilient as far as the belittling I would receive some days. Although it was still with me I would not let it bring me down for the most part. When I was in kindergarten I was always behind the other kids in everything, but it was really strange to me now reading back on it. My mother tells me now I was a really intelligent kid, but man I was dumb as a rock when it came to school subjects. Pretty much the only thing I was good at then in the early grades was spelling. I always was above average in that area but that was about all. my early school years were hard, especially after 2nd grade, I could not stay in my seat or do things silently, or if it was quiet time in the room, the silence drove me up the wall. I could not stand there not being some kind of sound. I was put on contracts, my father would come in and sit with me etc etc. I had real self confidence issues though at the time. I had no trust in my own abilities and even now I still do not trust in my own abilities. On my report cards I would get negative comments saying I would not be doing my work or leaving other kids alone etc etc. Then there some in the same year as the negative report cards giving me positive feedback saying I was staying on top of my work. doing better on my own etc etc. but this was always a roller coaster.

As far as the sight,smell,touch thing goes for me, if I feel certain fabrics its like my hand has just been infected by a disease. The feeling I get if I brush something I do not like with my hand can throw my whole day off. Smells do not really mess with me to much. But If I see people doing things I find really humiliating even if I am not the one doing it, it is like my world has coem to an end, or if I hear certain sounds I cannot ignore it can throw me off. My father does not understand it and always says its no big deal, but my reactions to certain day to day things are off the charts for normal but I cannot help it. It just cause such intense feelings and I really cannot put a point on where or why.

I have seen various psychiatric professionals, but mostly after I turned 18, none before, The most recent ones wanted me to get tested for adhd,ocd,anxiety,depression. So who knows. Just gotta be persistent and plug away to find the right doctor who will listen and understand you and help you solve the mystery of yourself.

Well I pretty much uselessly rambled here, go figure. I hope you can pick something useful out of this, if not shove out of your brain and carry on

[wickedattraction]

So, do I seem AS or not?

I also forgot to mention - something that does seem plausible for the AS case to me - I have no idea why, but looking at older videos or youtube clips of older television graphics, from the "analog" era (90s or early 2000s) tend to freak me out a little, it could be because I compare those algorithms to the current ones, and the stark difference feels eerie to me. Also older technologies like old cell phones, analog television sets, etc. make me feel a little uneasy, but it isn't too debilitating to my life. I suspect a reason why has to be tied to my early childhood - memories of how things were back then, and things were rough, for me, but things were different in my family, for the better - and I think a part of my subconscious is reminded of how things were back then, so whenever I run into an old commercial or whatever, I get these nostalgic subconscious flashbacks? It's either that or it has to do with AS or some sensory issue - I have other specific phobias like hearing voices on the phone in a calm environment (at night), or seeing my reflection in the dark. But, it isn't very crippling in my life.

What could explain all of that, though?

[Maus5321]

Originally Posted by wickedattraction

So, do I seem AS or not?

I also forgot to mention - something that does seem plausible for the AS case to me - I have no idea why, but looking at older videos or youtube clips of older television graphics, from the "analog" era (90s or early 2000s) tend to freak me out a little, it could be because I compare those algorithms to the current ones, and the stark difference feels eerie to me. Also older technologies like old cell phones, analog television sets, etc. make me feel a little uneasy, but it isn't too debilitating to my life. I suspect a reason why has to be tied to my early childhood - memories of how things were back then, and things were rough, for me, but things were different in my family, for the better - and I think a part of my subconscious is reminded of how things were back then, so whenever I run into an old commercial or whatever, I get these nostalgic subconscious flashbacks? It's either that or it has to do with AS or some sensory issue - I have other specific phobias like hearing voices on the phone in a calm environment (at night), or seeing my reflection in the dark. But, it isn't very crippling in my life.

What could explain all of that, though?

Hhhmmmmm.....I am not sure on all that. Maybe some of this stuff your poster here, post it in the aspergers forum as well. I know people on here such as sila have aspergers and no quite a lot about it. He also has add. He might be able to help you differentiate a little bit until you can see a mental health professional.